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I've answered his question ... Twice. But the more info he adds, the more red flags I see that I try to address.
If I take my car to the mechanic about an electrical problem and he lets me drive off with a fluid leak I didn't know about, he's not a very good mechanic.
As with most questions here, this is about much more than a ring. Whatever, though. OP has gotten plenty of advice about rings and houses. He's free to ask the mods to close the thread.
why does any of this matter to answer the OPs question?
It didn't matter to me until the OP pulled her culture/values as a card to not discuss an engagement ring with her as though tradition matters in that sense of a ring but not in the sense of getting pregnant prior to marriage. Pick one: you're either traditional or you're not. Seems like a cop out to not talk to her because it's not truly a traditional engagement. I'm not traditional but don't use tradition as an excuse for talking about something that is a financial matter. Is she really your partner if you can't discuss this with her?
I am curious what culture says do not discuss engagement rings and financial matters, but says that a baby prior to marriage is fair ball game.
Also, he stated she was not used to not being #1, when how is buying a home not proving she and baby are #1 in a more adult way than an engagement ring? If she cares more about being #1 and having a flashy ring, then she sounds like that Princess archetype I've heard so much about.
I think people can be traditional about some things and not others. Plenty of "traditional" couples back in the day we're having sex before marriage. This is not a new phenomenon.
I dig where you're coming from, OP.
Feel free to DM me if you want to chat about women and traditional ideas about engagement rings. I'm one of those women.
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I was engaged a few years back. He made over 100k and I made a decent salary myself. I picked out a 500 dollar ring and thought it was beautiful: simple, under stated, and perfect for me.
When I showed it to my friends and coworkers, I got some pretty disappointed (and disappointing) reactions. I was happy, though, and after that day, I'm sure they didn't give it a second thought. In summary, it didn't matter how others felt.
To answer your question, I like the idea of incorporating her favorite color and birthstone. It says you picked it out for her with thought. I would appreciate that. Spend what you need to spend to make that happen so that you don't look back with regret.
For those asking / questioning about discussing it with her: there are many cultures where certain matters of the heart, such as a proposal or gift, are not to be discussed in detail with the recipient, weighing the pros and cons, as if they were business transactions. Doing so, while perhaps practical, removes a lot of the fun, excitement, and romance from the equation. Why don't I just ask where and how she would like me to propose too? Then we'll just meet at the appointed time and location and I'll show her the ring she already picked out. I'm sure that will be a wonderful experience that she'll never forget... I realize that I'm being snide here, and don't mean to offend anyone with their well-meaning questions. I'm just trying to make a point.
I want to thank everyone that responded. There were a great many of you and all were helpful. I didn't realize this would turn into such a big or controversial topic. So again, thank you I will try to distribute some more rep points later today
OP, I am just not sure any woman needs a 25k engagement ring. I mean people can do what they want, but that is just excessive!
My babies are 18 and 20 and I am not done spending money on them. Do remember that.
I'm well aware of the cost of kids. Though is anyone TRULY aware until they've experienced it? Probably not...
I am not getting a $25k engagement ring. That's out of the question. I only put that number there because that's what the ridiculousness of the diamond industry marketing wants me to spend. The rings I want to get are in the $7-8k range, but with moving and a baby on the horizon, my safe budget without significantly delaying or impacting anything else is probably closer to the $1-2k range. That ~$5k difference would come right out of either the downpayment or our safety net. Hence the questions about alternatives, including upgrading later when I don't have so many one-time fees to attend to.
If it's that important to propose now, you could always get one of those plastic rings from a bubblegum dispenser as a placeholder until the ring you want is in your budget. If I were your GF, I'd rather have that as the token of intent, instead of buying a scaled back ring and upgrading later.
If it's that important to propose now, you could always get one of those plastic rings from a bubblegum dispenser as a placeholder until the ring you want is in your budget. If I were your GF, I'd rather have that as the token of intent, instead of buying a scaled back ring and upgrading later.
Or there are many lovely rings in the 2K range that have gorgeous settings where a diamond may be upgraded to one of better quality later. Then, she can still have the original ring for its sentimental value and an engagement ring now. I would say that a woman who is concerned about looks/appearance of a ring in comparison to siblings probably would also not do well with a bumblegum dispenser ring as a placeholder.
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Spend what you need to spend to make that happen so that you don't look back with regret.
