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To dldavis: Yuppers, I had a bad experience at the wedding, but I would never advocate that my two sons not get married. Being married has been the most wonderful thing to ever happen to me. I am hopeful that my oldest son (who just got married) will be happy and in love and married to this woman for the rest of his life. I wish love, trust, happiness, health and everything I can to them. I hope my youngest finds the love of his life. However, I can see your idea of protecting themselves, there's nothing wrong with that. There can be a nice balance if two people work together to make it that way.
To Camping!: I think that a bride should be the major focus on her wedding day. That being said, the caveat is this: some brides think they should be the center of the universe (queen poobah!) every single day, and that's the problem. They step it up to the max on their wedding day and don't understand why so many people get cranky with them. The other caveat is that, again, you wouldn't be a bride if you didn't have a brideGROOM. So understand that some of that attention is going to be on your brideGROOM. The groom's family and friends are there out of respect and love for him, not you. They're prepared to like you, love you, care for you, tolerate you - but to most of them, you're an unknown entity. Live with it, get over it and be gracious. Yes, you are absolutely beautiful on your wedding day, yes, all eyes are on you - so why can't you be a little classy instead of pouting and acting all bent out of shape for every little thing?
As for the orange/red, whatever dress - I told my MIL that I wanted her to wear a certain shade of green (or thereabouts), I wanted her dress to be a long formal dress and I showed her what my mother was wearing. I asked her to wear something similar in style. She had her dress made, it was almost the exact same shade of green as my mom's, and the style was similar. She was wonderful - but I didn't leave her any room for error. No, no queen poobah here. I just knew what I wanted. Yes, I was a control freak, but I was never rude or nasty about it. She knew that I wanted everyone in the wedding party to match for the photos. So if you don't want any surprises regarding your MIL's dress, give her exact instructions, offer to go shopping with her, etc. If she's a decent sort, she'll appreciate guidelines and you two may even have a good time getting together to shop, who knows? Then again, she really may be just a horrible person. Maybe she grew up being the center of the universe herself and it's hard for her to deal with a) another woman in her son's life or b) another queen poobah............?
And, along a similar line, my DIL absolutely demanded that my husband wear a gray suit. Told him not to wear a tuxedo. Fine, we bought him a gray suit. He looked nice, but not any nicer than any other male guest wearing a suit there. Her dad, on the other hand, rented a tuxedo that pretty much matched the groomsmen and ushers. (Slightly different shade on the cumberbund.) Nice, huh? My poor hubby looked totally out of whack with the rest of the wedding party - and my son never knew. He had been told and assumed that her dad was also wearing a gray suit, didn't find out until that morning of the wedding when he saw her dad in the tuxedo. Grrrrrrrrr!
We've served notice on our youngest son that, really, Las Vegas, really, is a really great place to get married in...........really!!!
Last edited by chicagurl; 03-21-2009 at 08:15 PM..
Reason: had two colors, should have proofed, must be green
I can't imagine telling anyone who's not in the wedding party what to wear. When I got married (in the springtime) my bridesmaids wore light pink. My MIL asked me what I'd like her to wear, and I responded that I'd like her to find a dress she likes and feels good in and wear that. My mom wore lavender, my MIL wore bright blue. I literally could not care less about most of that. I love the weddings now where the bride might select a color and the bridesmaids have different dresses to flatter different body types. I think it's great.
I can't imagine telling anyone who's not in the wedding party what to wear. When I got married (in the springtime) my bridesmaids wore light pink. My MIL asked me what I'd like her to wear, and I responded that I'd like her to find a dress she likes and feels good in and wear that. My mom wore lavender, my MIL wore bright blue. I literally could not care less about most of that. I love the weddings now where the bride might select a color and the bridesmaids have different dresses to flatter different body types. I think it's great.
I consider parents to be part of the wedding party. They walk down the aisle, they're in all the photos, they're both (probably) paying for the wedding, etc., but I suppose that's subject to interpretation. All I can tell you is that everyone in my wedding photos was color coordinated and the photos are stunning. Worked for me, but everyone does things their own way.
To dldavis: Yuppers, I had a bad experience at the wedding, but I would never advocate that my two sons not get married. Being married has been the most wonderful thing to ever happen to me. I am hopeful that my oldest son (who just got married) will be happy and in love and married to this woman for the rest of his life. I wish love, trust, happiness, health and everything I can to them. I hope my youngest finds the love of his life. However, I can see your idea of protecting themselves, there's nothing wrong with that. There can be a nice balance if two people work together to make it that way.
To Camping!: I think that a bride should be the major focus on her wedding day. That being said, the caveat is this: some brides think they should be the center of the universe (queen poobah!) every single day, and that's the problem. They step it up to the max on their wedding day and don't understand why so many people get cranky with them. The other caveat is that, again, you wouldn't be a bride if you didn't have a brideGROOM. So understand that some of that attention is going to be on your brideGROOM. The groom's family and friends are there out of respect and love for him, not you. They're prepared to like you, love you, care for you, tolerate you - but to most of them, you're an unknown entity. Live with it, get over it and be gracious. Yes, you are absolutely beautiful on your wedding day, yes, all eyes are on you - so why can't you be a little classy instead of pouting and acting all bent out of shape for every little thing?
As for the orange/red, whatever dress - I told my MIL that I wanted her to wear a certain shade of green (or thereabouts), I wanted her dress to be a long formal dress and I showed her what my mother was wearing. I asked her to wear something similar in style. She had her dress made, it was almost the exact same shade of green as my mom's, and the style was similar. She was wonderful - but I didn't leave her any room for error. No, no queen poobah here. I just knew what I wanted. Yes, I was a control freak, but I was never rude or nasty about it. She knew that I wanted everyone in the wedding party to match for the photos. So if you don't want any surprises regarding your MIL's dress, give her exact instructions, offer to go shopping with her, etc. If she's a decent sort, she'll appreciate guidelines and you two may even have a good time getting together to shop, who knows? Then again, she really may be just a horrible person. Maybe she grew up being the center of the universe herself and it's hard for her to deal with a) another woman in her son's life or b) another queen poobah............?
And, along a similar line, my DIL absolutely demanded that my husband wear a gray suit. Told him not to wear a tuxedo. Fine, we bought him a gray suit. He looked nice, but not any nicer than any other male guest wearing a suit there. Her dad, on the other hand, rented a tuxedo that pretty much matched the groomsmen and ushers. (Slightly different shade on the cumberbund.) Nice, huh? My poor hubby looked totally out of whack with the rest of the wedding party - and my son never knew. He had been told and assumed that her dad was also wearing a gray suit, didn't find out until that morning of the wedding when he saw her dad in the tuxedo. Grrrrrrrrr!
We've served notice on our youngest son that, really, Las Vegas, really, is a really great place to get married in...........really!!!
Oh! Love the idea of taking mil shopping. Could be more of a bonding experience that way.
I feel for your dh -- why on earth would the bride do that?! Or did her father disobey orders by wearing a tux anyway unbeknownest to the bride? Either way, not a great way to start off your marriage.
Now, I do understand 'flow' and wanting everyone to look nice together. But again, if the bride is going for a certain look - and nothing wrong with that - then present she should present her mother and future mil with three choices to choose from. After all, one persons version of 'no loud colors' can be a whole lot different from someone elses.
Your mom chose a better color black and teal, the orange would not of been good. My bridesmaids were in all black, the groomsmen were in black, I was in white and hubby was in black. When my MIL asked what color she should wear, I said nothing bright like red, something dark, and what color did she wear, red. When you look at our family group photos, where does your eye go first, to my MIL wearing the red dress.
I said something like that pages ago and somebody thought it was petty. It is the gift that keeps on giving though, isn't it? LOL
Oh! Love the idea of taking mil shopping. Could be more of a bonding experience that way.
I feel for your dh -- why on earth would the bride do that?! Or did her father disobey orders by wearing a tux anyway unbeknownest to the bride? Either way, not a great way to start off your marriage.
Now, I do understand 'flow' and wanting everyone to look nice together. But again, if the bride is going for a certain look - and nothing wrong with that - then present she should present her mother and future mil with three choices to choose from. After all, one persons version of 'no loud colors' can be a whole lot different from someone elses.
I agree, in theory the bride is becoming the MIL's daughter, so shopping together might be a chance to get to know each other a bit more. I hope some brides are reading these posts and hopefully have a chance to think about all the stuff being said. And yes, my DIL knew about her dad's tuxedo. It's water under the bridge. I'm venting here so that I don't vent at them. Gets it out of my system!
I do believe more communication would help all the way around, but then again....... someone might want to wear white anyway (Gue) and be a stinkhead! That's so true, there's always one in the bunch to think the rules, suggestions, demands, rules, entreaties, etc. don't apply to them. It has been good to read some of these posts and know that lots of people go through a lot during a wedding, it's not just you.
I will soon be the mother of the groom. If my future DIL "tells" me a color and I know it doesn't look good on me I will tell her so. That's it. I'm there for my son and I'm not going to pay big bucks for something I hate. I am not a fashion diva but I do have class. Sorry brides.
And, along a similar line, my DIL absolutely demanded that my husband wear a gray suit. Told him not to wear a tuxedo. Fine, we bought him a gray suit. He looked nice, but not any nicer than any other male guest wearing a suit there. Her dad, on the other hand, rented a tuxedo that pretty much matched the groomsmen and ushers. (Slightly different shade on the cumberbund.) Nice, huh? My poor hubby looked totally out of whack with the rest of the wedding party - and my son never knew. He had been told and assumed that her dad was also wearing a gray suit, didn't find out until that morning of the wedding when he saw her dad in the tuxedo. Grrrrrrrrr!
What was done to your husband was beyond horrible. I would have slapped the crap out of her or made "her" special day truly memorable
I understand that you didn't want to upset your son but sometimes these grooms need to grow a set of ba_ls
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