What's the most diplomatic way of asking for cash as wedding gift? (message, diamond)

[2RUGGED4YOU]

Originally Posted by David674UT

When My Brother got Married,I gave Him 200 dollars in an envelope.

I gave my buddy and his wife $500 and they both had tears of joy in their eyes! They didn't want to except it but I insisted. Hey, we have been BF's since we were only 5 years old and it was the least I could do!

[NY Annie]

Originally Posted by Whyte Byrd

It's funny how people automatically assume graduates want monetary gifts but when it comes to newlyweds, we get so arrogant about our idea of what the gift should be and act as if it should be considered sacred. Kind of arrogant, I think. Why pretend money wouldn't help newlyweds? They shouldn't have to ask. Maybe they shouldn't have to be put in the position to have to ask. If we're going to give them gifts maybe we could consider asking them what they prefer, gifts or cash, or assume someone starting out their new lives together will perhaps need....duhhhh...money? No brainer.

You're missing what the OP asked and our objections - it's tacky and rude to ASK for money. Many of us, I'm sure, DO ask the bride/groom or the family what would be a best gift. I just gave my BFF's daughter a VISA gift card for her wedding. It was my choice; she didn't ASK for money. I know that they absolutely didn't need anything and, in fact, were getting rid of household items since they were combining two homes into one. It's not something I usually do, but it was the right gift for this couple at this time.

My niece is getting married within the year. She will get a large cash gift from me - IN ADDITION to passing along a family heirloom. It was passed to me by my grandmother and it's my niece's turn to have it now. I cherish it and will miss it dearly, but she has expressed an interest in having it.

So back to the topic - it is TACKY to ASK for a specific gift. A gift is, by definition, an option - a choice - by the donor. If the recipient does not like/want it, s/he has the option to refuse the gift.

[Whyte Byrd]

Originally Posted by NY Annie

You're missing what the OP asked and our objections - it's tacky and rude to ASK for money. Many of us, I'm sure, DO ask the bride/groom or the family what would be a best gift. I just gave my BFF's daughter a VISA gift card for her wedding. It was my choice; she didn't ASK for money. I know that they absolutely didn't need anything and, in fact, were getting rid of household items since they were combining two homes into one. It's not something I usually do, but it was the right gift for this couple at this time.

My niece is getting married within the year. She will get a large cash gift from me - IN ADDITION to passing along a family heirloom. It was passed to me by my grandmother and it's my niece's turn to have it now. I cherish it and will miss it dearly, but she has expressed an interest in having it.

So back to the topic - it is TACKY to ASK for a specific gift. A gift is, by definition, an option - a choice - by the donor. If the recipient does not like/want it, s/he has the option to refuse the gift.

Nope, I already addressed that. Was responding to some other thoughts and expounding on some of my own.

[CESpeed]

Originally Posted by Avienne

Heh, my thought is, "Here's yer money: You can save the cost of my plate at the reception."

Whyte Byrd, bird-to-bird speaking here, yep, I understand that people are hurting for money. Sure. But that means that so are the guests.

It's the printed begging and what it implies to the guests that bugs me.

I agree with Whyte Bird. Asking for cash in lieu of gifts is no different thatn having a registry. Why make people go through the trouble of returning gifts?

I would much rather give somebody something they want or need rather than what I want to give them. They'll be just as grateful probably more if they get the money rather than gift they don't need or can't use.

[CESpeed]

Originally Posted by TKramar

Sure, but their mindset is--I can't afford to bring a gift, so I shouldn't go.

That's why I'm not going to my cousin's wedding--I can't afford a gift.

This is a cop out. No one is required to bring a gift. This is just ego talking.

[Debsi]

You can look up somebody's registry on one of the big national websites without being told about it specifically in the invitation. Any mention of gifts turns an invitation into an invoice in my opinion - I find the "we'd rather have cash than... [your poor taste in gifts?] comment in the invitation more distasteful than the little registry cards, but they're both tacky.

I wish weddings hadn't gotten so big.. they seem to be offering people more chances for rudeness everyday. I especially love the people whose gift registries have almost exclusively $200+ presents on them. Hey.. maybe they're angling for cash wedding gifts!

[ChessieMom]

You know, I really have a hard time with giving a wedding gift based on what the couple wants...especially when what they want is cash to pay for a honeymoon, or a house down-payment, or whatever. It's a GIFT. If they can't pay for their new "coupledom" without using a wedding as a moneytree, then they need to skip the wedding, and get their finances in order first....BEFORE walking down that aisle together.

[TKramar]

Originally Posted by CESpeed

This is a cop out. No one is required to bring a gift. This is just ego talking.

You shouldn't even go to someone's house unless you bring them a small gift. It can be a coffeecake, or a box of donuts, or flowers for the lady of the house, or a bottle of champagne. But you don't go empty-handed.

[Whyte Byrd]

Originally Posted by TKramar

You shouldn't even go to someone's house unless you bring them a small gift. It can be a coffeecake, or a box of donuts, or flowers for the lady of the house, or a bottle of champagne. But you don't go empty-handed.

Huh??? I know this is true when going to dinner at someone's house, but going to visit? Since when and who made up this rule?

[fleetiebelle]

Bringing a hostess gift is a thoughtful gesture, but it isn't mandatory.