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OP, if you decide to seek clarification there is no need to "confront" her. Simply request clarification. It doesn't sound as though she was insulting your clothes. She suggested you dress less casually/more professionally. Perhaps you think you are wearing the same thing as others, but their positions may have different requirements...their clothes may fit better than yours...there are any number of viewpoints for this. And you have no way of knowing whether you were, in fact, singled out for this feedback or whether she had the same conversation with multiple others.
As long as you are in the job, you should probably heed the coaching you received regarding your work attire. Regardless of how long you expect to work there, you work there now.
BTW, wearing jeans on Fridays is acceptable at many work places, but jeggings are probably (or should be) another story.
I'm not going to wade through seven pages of replies, but here's my take on it after 40 years in the business world: it sounds like she was saying you have potential, and dressing differently would put you in a better position for moving up in the future.
How she was dressed doesn't matter -- but whatever resentment you feel toward her for how she was dressed does matter since it can affect the way you interact with her in the future. If you care about your future career in that place, let it go.
And if the pix I'm seeing of jeggings I'm seeing in search results are accurate, no, they don't look professional at all. If I were your manager, I would have said something about them, too.
If you're busty, maybe she's jealous? Maybe she wants you to cover that area.
Jeggings aren't the same as trousers. Trousers are pretty professional, and leggings/jeggings are very casual, especially if you're well-endowed in the rear area. I know that with my build, you wouldn't catch me dead in leggings/jeggings.
I once had a male boss actually bring me a box of his wife's cast-offs because he was so unhappy with how I dressed!
My mom raised me dressing from the clearance rack, and sadly, that's still how I dress.
An odd thing happened to me at work today. My "big" boss pulled me aside to tell me that I was getting a bonus. She quickly followed-up that news w/ a quick, but jarring side note: "...from a professional perspective, your dress is a little too on the business casual side. Now that you have this bonus money, you can buy yourself some new clothes. You need to dress for the position you want..." she's telling me this as she's wearing FLARED jeans. I had on a grey sweater, black trousers/jeggings, a long necklace,black suede boots and makeup.
I'm perplexed by her statement for a few reasons:
1- I am 36 and dress pretty much exactly how the other women dress in the office: jeans/slacks/dresses or skirts that pass my fingertips/the occasional thick jegging. blouses, sometimes a button down, sweaters/cardigans/the occasional blazer. suede or leather flat booties. makeup and jewelry.
2- this is a pharma company that runs the gamut of either super dressy or super casual. there are women who dress the full nine,while there are others who wear jeans everyday
3- I looked in the employee handbook and I am not wearing anything out of line. Nothing is ever ripped, frayed or revealing. My cleavage is almost always covered - whatever nature allows, I'm busty.
4- the other day I had something on that I receive multiple compliments from multiple people, including my direct manager
5- why is she telling me this now, after 6 months of working there??
It bothers me because I am conscious of what I wear to work and try to go out of my way to look nice. I'm always groomed and never disheveled. + I just spent $300 on new clothes just for work! One of my main concerns is that no matter how much money I spend on new clothes now, I will always feel uncomfortable and self conscious and in turn, I'm worried that it will ultimately affect my performance.
I'm not sure if this is out of personal preference or she thinks that she mentoring me, but it took the wind out of my sails right after finding out that I was getting a performance based bonus. + I was just downright offended. I've been working my a@#$ off lately. It was very frustrating to me because not only did me and another girl in my dept have almost the same exact outfit on the other day, but she's telling me this as she and multiple ppl in the office are wearing jeans. One woman in my dept dresses my like 65 y.o alcoholic aunt.
I'm not sure what I should do. Should I confront her and ask her if she has spoken to anyone else in the department about the way they dress? should I ask for examples? should I just ignore her?
Any advice would be much appreciated!
OP are you over weight? Do you have curly hair? Both of these can give the impression that you are not as put together.
Honestly though, I wouldn't worry about it. If you got a bonus your doing your job. This is one boss, unless you have heard it from someone else, treat it as a one off.
Thank you everyone for your responses and insight.
Here's the the absolute truth: I have absolutely no desire to move up in this company. I do not like the work, the culture or quite honestly, the teams and people I work with. I have always worked in a more creative industries - broadcast, publishing, art dept, etc. After the past few months, I've decided that this job is not a good fit for me. While I appreciate her attempt to mentor me, I feel like it was presumptions to assume I want to move up the ladder here - again, I appreciate the thought, but she has never once actually bothered to check in w/ me to see how Im doing, how Im liking it, or if I even want to progress in the company.
My plan all along was to stick the job out for as long as I can. I was planning on leaving once my contract was up, but when the offered me more money to stay for a bit longer, I couldn't refuse. Super corporate dress has never been my style. When I was on the interview, I asked about the culture and style and they inisisted, oh no we're business casual.
The office rule is that jeans are permitted as long as they're not torn or frayed - which mine never are and I wear them maybe once or twice a week. I know that most ppl oppose jeggings, no matter how thick or expensive, but every girl or woman wears them on campus. If I do opt to wear them, they are always with a long shirt or sweater as to not "show" anything. But trust me, I get it.
I have been uncomfortable working there since day 1, but a job is a job until I can find something that better suits me.
Can I continue to wear my "lame" work appropriate clothes since I don't want to move up without her harrassing me about my clothes again? As mentioned before, I've always worked in creative companies and I am insecure about my work there as it is since I don't fully understand subject matter. Now I feel like this will constantly be in the back of my mind making me increasingly uncomfortable and horrible at my job.
Quote:
Originally Posted by sp99
Yes. She is the only one that has ever brought up my attire. My direct mgnr has never mentioned anything to me. Actually, she does the opposite - she is usually quite complimentary on my clothes.
I think it wouldn't have been so hard to swallow if she wasn't wearing jeans herself and didn't have the same sweater on that she wears every other day. The office is freezing and you have to dress for it, so I get it. But buy a new sweater before you start playing project runway w/ me. It's even more frustrating because on some days, I already DO dress as some people has suggested on here. I can't wear heels often b/c I broke my ankle a while ago and Im usually in agony by the end of the day if I do.
Im also a bit offended because I felt it was presumptuous of her to say, "now you can buy some new clothes." She doesn't know my financial obligations. Sure, I get paid well. But she doesn't know that Im in extreme student debt, I send money to my mother, my husband and I are trying to have a baby, etc.
Im not very close w/ anyone in the office. I almost want to ask my direct mgnr if she has a problem w/ the way I dress, but Im worried she'll tell other ppl what happen or go back to my big boss and tell her.
I know I probably sound like a baby. But Im just upset because I already try to go out of my way to look nice. I had a panic attack getting dress this morning. I already feel so uncomfortable, I've been walking around w/ my coat draped over me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by sp99
To clarify once again - the jeggings have been worn once or twice a week. they are either black, or like a black velvet type. They have been worn w/ long sweater or a blazer on occasion. They are not super form fitting and they are not jeans material as some other woman wear in the office. Everyone wears them. I get the crusade. But I shouldn't be singled out.
Jeggings are denim leggings. I wouldn't describe black or black velvet as "jeggings, " So I really can't picture what you are wearing. I'm no fashionista, though, so who knows. Are they black leggings?
I have a sweater in my cubicle that has been there for years. It stays at work, and I throw it on when I'm cold. That's common for a cold office.
You don't have to wear heels to dress up. If they are the right length, you can wear trousers (real ones, dress pants) with flats or a low heel.
Not sure if you wear the jeggings or the jeans once or twice/week, but that's about 1/3 of the time, so it';s not like it's a rare occurrence.
Last edited by Kibbiekat; 02-17-2017 at 07:25 PM..
Neither jeggings nor leggings are appropriate for work unless you're working with Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman. No one needs to see an underwear outline or worse! I can't tell you how many people I've seen through their leggings because they're NOT pants! You're supposed to wear something like a dress or skirt over them.
Okay, I have to ask. What the heck are "jeggings"?
Ha I'm 24 and I was wondering the same thing.
I don't think your boss is jealous, but I don't see what's wrong with Jeggings. Many ladies in my office wear them, I think.
Though hell, in my office i wear joggers, a t-shirt and Yeezys. My boss couldn't care less. I can name maybe 1 or 2 times I've dressed formal at work.
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Jeggings are denim leggings. I wouldn't describe black or black velvet as "jeggings, " So I really can't picture what you are wearing. I'm no fashionista, though, so who knows. Are they black leggings? 
I can't tell you how many people I've seen through their leggings because they're NOT pants! You're supposed to wear something like a dress or skirt over them.
