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These may not be all that appropriate, but here it goes:
S**t fire and save matches (down in my area of the south, fire is pronounced by most as farr).
Sweet sassy molassy.
Crazier than a crack house rat.
For the love of Mary
Ratchet (as in, "she looks so ratchet with that dress on.").
Hot A** Mess
Worthless as t*ts on a boar hog (explaining that someone is good for nothing).
Higher than a Georgia pine (drunk or high).
Meaner than chicken s**t.
He wouldn't pay a dime to see a pissant pull a freight train (someone who is very miserly with their money).
Down right sorry (someone who is good for nothing).
Well, if that don't put pepper in the gumbo.
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