Hypocrite
Posted 06-19-2008 at 08:10 PM by mams1559
I was called that today, much to my chagrin. In the context in which it was used against me, I couldn't see why. But then good old doubt enters my mind.
Am I a hypocrite? No one here can answer that. What I portray on this site, people can only take at face value. They don't know the "real" me. They don't know me in real life. But again, it plays in my head ... am I or am I not?
Hypocrite .. the word echos in my brain. It's been bouncing around in there all day now. I'm distracted by it. I ponder its meaning and significance and whether it applies to me. Do I truly deserve that moniker? Dread grows as I reflect and meditate on the word .. hypocrite.
I come to this site to present my opinion, much like everyone else. Unlike lots of folks though, I have one particular area of interest. I like to express my beliefs on my religion and my worldview. So being called a hypocrite has a great impact on me. Is it true .. am I or am I not?
There are two threads running which I have read "Examine Yourself" and "Really Saved" Bear with me, as I beleive they also play a role in my thoughts today. I've followed them with interest but post I dare not.. for I have realized (can I be saying this?) I AM A HYPOCRITE.
It stabs my heart to let that word flow from my lips, but it is apropos. Upon self reflection and examination, I am that which they have labeled me. I have failed, my Lord, please forgive me!
I speak the words I know are true. I believe what I say and say what I mean. But actions speak louder than words. My actions betray my beliefs, and this is the core meaning of hypocrite.
I am saved as I believe on Christ. But is it a heart knowledge or mind knowledge? I know what to say and I know what to believe, but do I really and truly do what is said? Faith without works is no faith at all, so am I saved once and for all? Have I taken it to heart and made it a part of my daily walk?
Most on here would probably say "yes, you do", but again that's based on what I say and not what I do. I am a sinner, through and through. I swear once in a while when anger takes over. I smoke which I am not supposed to do. Who would approach me on the street and know I am a follower of Christ? My attitude is something to be desired. I'm moody and depressed most of the time. Where is the joy that once filled my heart? Life beats you down and my heart is torn apart. The affection for others seems to be forced, which should not be the case if I really put Christ first.
The greatest of all is a thorn that won't leave my side. Try as I might, I cannot break away and it drives my fright. No one can see what that is, except my father in heaven and trust me, he is not pleased. I pray and pray, when I remember to, to release me from this bondage. My wife knows and cannot help. It is something I must do all by myself.
With tears of shame, and only I to blame, I realize I am what they say .. a hypocrite. The truth stings and hurts and adds another burden, for what that's worth.
Am I a hypocrite? No one here can answer that. What I portray on this site, people can only take at face value. They don't know the "real" me. They don't know me in real life. But again, it plays in my head ... am I or am I not?
Hypocrite .. the word echos in my brain. It's been bouncing around in there all day now. I'm distracted by it. I ponder its meaning and significance and whether it applies to me. Do I truly deserve that moniker? Dread grows as I reflect and meditate on the word .. hypocrite.
I come to this site to present my opinion, much like everyone else. Unlike lots of folks though, I have one particular area of interest. I like to express my beliefs on my religion and my worldview. So being called a hypocrite has a great impact on me. Is it true .. am I or am I not?
There are two threads running which I have read "Examine Yourself" and "Really Saved" Bear with me, as I beleive they also play a role in my thoughts today. I've followed them with interest but post I dare not.. for I have realized (can I be saying this?) I AM A HYPOCRITE.
It stabs my heart to let that word flow from my lips, but it is apropos. Upon self reflection and examination, I am that which they have labeled me. I have failed, my Lord, please forgive me!
I speak the words I know are true. I believe what I say and say what I mean. But actions speak louder than words. My actions betray my beliefs, and this is the core meaning of hypocrite.
I am saved as I believe on Christ. But is it a heart knowledge or mind knowledge? I know what to say and I know what to believe, but do I really and truly do what is said? Faith without works is no faith at all, so am I saved once and for all? Have I taken it to heart and made it a part of my daily walk?
Most on here would probably say "yes, you do", but again that's based on what I say and not what I do. I am a sinner, through and through. I swear once in a while when anger takes over. I smoke which I am not supposed to do. Who would approach me on the street and know I am a follower of Christ? My attitude is something to be desired. I'm moody and depressed most of the time. Where is the joy that once filled my heart? Life beats you down and my heart is torn apart. The affection for others seems to be forced, which should not be the case if I really put Christ first.
The greatest of all is a thorn that won't leave my side. Try as I might, I cannot break away and it drives my fright. No one can see what that is, except my father in heaven and trust me, he is not pleased. I pray and pray, when I remember to, to release me from this bondage. My wife knows and cannot help. It is something I must do all by myself.
With tears of shame, and only I to blame, I realize I am what they say .. a hypocrite. The truth stings and hurts and adds another burden, for what that's worth.
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