What about infidelity on the North Slope ? (military, move)

[Lakester]

so instead of your spouse coming home to a smiling "welcome home" evening... he comes home to distrust and interrogations..

And he thinks to self - why is she even thinking about this - hummmm - a guilty consence - wonder whats she been doing when I'm gone.

[Gennaver]

Originally Posted by SnowFlower

I found a link to this topic and I am hoping I might get a bit more of a response in here for those of us that have working spouses on the slope.

If you go to this link it will give you an insight as to what many of the at home spouses are thinking with our partner in life way up north...


The thoughts expressed are of worry, concern and hurt... Please know that it is more hurtful to lie and pretend then it is to be honest...

...

Whoa, whoa.... The first thing I thought is that the worry and fear of a marriage dissovling can become a self-fulfilling prophecy and can start to BE the cause of it ending!

Know your partner, trust what you know, do not go chasing paranoia or blame. Trust your gut.

Remember that no one is perfect, know what you would or would not forgive your spouse for...or not...including glances, jokes, flirts, or what....maybe have a talk before there is any doubt, or at least agree to have a non-accusatory talk, NON-accusatory talk about that very article.

I think the worst thing would be to be accused of something you are not doing and then to think that you spouse does NOt trust your trustworthy self.

Now, if you cannot let go of suspsicion and paranoia then I'd think the problem is not with your spouse...right?
Jen

[Gennaver]

Originally Posted by Rance

I spent 20 years working the slope on and off. Never heard of a spouse worried about her husband cheating on the slope...but there are a million stories of wives cheating on husbands in town. ....

In a similar tone...where I live now in San Antonio there are alot of soldiers. I have met more than one woman who has had multiple boyfriends or 'fiancees'. Apparently the little scam works out well when they send her all their information to take care of while they are deployed...and the women go crazy through all the soldier's credit cards and drives his car to the ground..only to pick up with the next poor victim!

So yeah, I'd agree with you, it is not usually the one that is away who is the one who is risking things or doing the act of taking advantage of the other

Jen
p.s. and yeah also again to the OP fear and jealousy can feed a monster and cause the ruin of a marriage, (I know that unfounded jealousy from my husband was so intense it WAS the ruin of our marriage...then I experienced a bout with some insecurity in another relationship that caused me to end it rather than continue...thankfully, we'd ended it as friends and 3 years later are still friends!) whew, long p.s. just saying, clean out the junk or luggage in your own closet before suspecting 'him'

[Gennaver]

[quote=NOTAM;21942199]sounds just like the problems we have in the military with deployments....
and with the OP pondering about this with other North Slope wives, reminds me of FRG meetings (Family Readiness Groups that military has for spouses for "support"...but its more like "did you hear from the sandbox wireless that all our soldier husbands out there are knocking boots?" Those support groups were more destructive than supportive, ....QUOTE]

Hi NOTAM,

I agree with you wholeheartedly here. As a fellow nurse in a Military town/hospital the only soldiers I have heard about lots and lots of 'wives and partners back home' being the ones doing the cheating. Sigh...one coworker of mine played the pity party and victim role when her husband was deployed regardless of the fact that she was shamelessly sleeping around. Another soldier, whose husband was also deployed, was also shamelessly doing the act of sleeping around here, and left him for the 'Jodie.'

Worst ones I've seen though are the benefit sharks...those girls who have the 'fiancees' and sometimes those multiples of fiancees just happen to be wounded soldiers with benefits and things that this fiancee gets for taking care of them as the sole non-medical-attendant. What a job right? Until her supposed fiance wants to get married and go back home with her, then she dumps him for her other 'wounded' fiancee! Grr...okay, even though I have more sympathy for the guys who are gone, my words to the OP were sincere in that her worry is more a problem than what it is she is worrying about!
Jen

[SnowFlower]

A lot of what all of you have said makes a lot of sense.... I appreciate it .... The fact is ... I do allow it to consume a lot of my time in thoughts and that probably does make a difference in the way I react when he gets home. It is hard when you hear of others horror stories of what happened that way for them.... it makes one start thinking that it could happen to me to...

Though I know I can not control what he does while away.... I also know it isnt something that I want to try and control either... I just hope and pray that I wont be slapped in the face with one of the same stories shared from others that have had that happen to them.

I liked that fact that one of you made mention that it is like a tight nit family up there in the way that when you know someone is married it is frowned upon heavily if you find out that this person is cheating or fooling around in some way .... That makes me feel a bit more secure in the realm that someone would or might say something to him if they should see anything that way...

Thank you again for all the information and support here.... I honestly feel like this is a better support link for this topic then the other.... link....

[SnowFlower]

Please keep this link active ... for others like me... We need the encouragement and ability to hear from those of you that know what your talking about .... be brutally honest no matter if it is a cheating spouse on the slope or if it is stating how difficult it would actually be to do so up there...

We need it .... There are a lot of us back here searching for anything that can tell us something about what goes on that way up there and if all we find is the [domain blocked due to spam] info .... then it can be damaging... I hope that others find this link when googleing for info on this ....

Thank you

[warptman]

If you don't trust him, why'd you get married?

[RedJacket]

Originally Posted by SnowFlower

Um ...yeah .....but even still things happen at work and regardless of it being the slope area or not ....it is harder for those of us left at home however when it is the slope as it isn't something we feel we can prove ....

An idle mind is the devil's workshop.

[SityData]

Lets look at this from a logical viewpoint and write down the FACTS:

#1. He is away "working".. on a job. If he doesn't do his job properly he will be home sooner than you think.

#2. All the women that were up there, before he showed up, already have boyfriends or are not interested; they are concerned for their jobs as well.

#3. The slope is not a party place, it's a place where you are working for 12 hours a day or more.

#4. Remember your 'vows' to love; honor; and obey HIM?. So where does presumption fit into that ??

#5. Your worrying is a huge sign of immaturity by not trusting him. worry is also a sin according to the bible. 366 times it says DON'T WORRY.. once for every day of the year.. plus one more in case you forget!

Find a hobby to keep you busy and think positive thoughts.

Be happy, thankful and rejoice all day! That does great things for your spirit. Worry can't accomplish anything cept get you down in the dumps.

Make his time home SPECIAL..!! That's what you should be concentrating on.. Not some old wives tales that have no basis in fact.

Now put on a huge smile!! Everything is ok!

[blueflames50]

Originally Posted by SnowFlower

Please keep this link active ... for others like me... We need the encouragement and ability to hear from those of you that know what your talking about .... be brutally honest no matter if it is a cheating spouse on the slope or if it is stating how difficult it would actually be to do so up there...

We need it .... There are a lot of us back here searching for anything that can tell us something about what goes on that way up there and if all we find is the [domain blocked due to spam] info .... then it can be damaging... I hope that others find this link when googleing for info on this ....

Thank you

what people need, is to get in touch with their own confidence and security within themselves.....be confident/secure enough to discuss limits, ultimatums of the relationship and carry them out. Anyone who hasn't enough respect for their spouse or partner to abide by these limits is not worth having in your life. period.