the false comfort that religion offers (meaning, believe, afterlife, Christ)
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I'm pretty much an atheist. (OK, I'm an atheist.) My mom was an atheist for at least several decades (she is, sorry was, English and was "raised," if you can call it that, in the Church of England, which is Anglican/Episcopalian).
My mom died on July 3rd. As you can imagine, it's been hard. Shortly after she died, I got a text from my older sister that basically said how Mom was "at peace" now and how she would "pray for [me]" to find peace too. (Honestly, there was a part of me that wanted to reply "You know Mom was an atheist, right? How freakin' stupid and idiotic can you be?" But I didn't, as I knew she meant well.)
I understand the appeal of religion, even for people who are generally intelligent in all other areas of their lives (like my older sister). This isn't new -- when a close Jewish friend of mine died back in 1985, I wanted so much to have some version of religion that told me that I would see her again in some magical afterlife etc etc etc. As a more recent example, when my beloved kitty Einstein died on 9/17/16 (he was only 8 and it was unexpected and absolutely devastating for me), there WAS a part of me that wished that there were some magical wonderland in which I would die and he would magically greet me at "heaven's gate" (or whatever). So I understand the appeal.
I am STILL an atheist, so no, I don't think that I will be able to "meet up" with my mom (and other beloved relatives or friends or kitties) when I die ... but it IS kind of sad, and there IS a part of me that wishes I were stupid enough to be able to believe in a magical afterlife. So how do you, as an atheist, handle this?
You see it right as a comforting belief- but can't believe it. I've seen death in the family, but it has just been an inevitability and nothing to tell myself fairy -tales about. It'll be my turn soon enough (my computer was always going wrong but my body was fine; now it's the other way around) and if there's an afterlife, well and good, as No Way does any one religion have the monopoly on entry tickets and if it's just oblivion, that's 2nd prize after eternal peace.
But I can see why people may want believe this stuff. After all, how does one work a scam or con if it doesn't offer something tempting? Christians like to claim that it has to be true as it caught on the way it did. So did a lot of religions, but none peddled a wonderful afterlife the way Christianity did. Why wouldn't it become popular.
i'm not sure, but the 'Atheist Afterlife' (or the Reverse Pascal) may have more appeal even than that. At the moment it's just dissatisfaction with the Churches or disbelief in religion that is pushing the Nones, but an appealing alternative to the religious afterlife promises, not that could be a selling point.
I have experienced some of the same feelings you have. I had a beloved pet die two years ago, and while I wished what you wished, the good thing was coming to the full realization that that was not to be was the first big step toward me becoming an atheist. I guess I'd attribute it to the false promises of religion, just a different word choice than your false comfort.
But you know, we don't know what is beyond, and while it may be a god-created "place", it also may be just another place. There doesn't have to be a god involved for this world or the next.
Of course, I too have lost loved ones. A parent three years ago, a long time cat companion at the same time. Today is the death anniversary of a friend of mine who hanged himself, he was unable to cope with mental illness.
I mourn. I am sad, I think of my lost ones, remembering stories about them and sharing those stories with friends.
I recognize that the dead are, in fact, at peace. They are not suffering, they are not aware, they are for all practical purposes memories and nothing more. I won’t see them again, and I regret that, but the hurt passes in time.
I have lost four close family members even if you just count the "before their time" variety of losses. My mother in a car accident 21 years ago; my oldest brother from cancer 14 years ago; my 2nd wife from a rare illness 12 years ago; and my son to a freak drug interaction 3 years ago.
I handle it the same as everyone else does, just without kidding myself about the nature and implications of mortality.
I go through the same stages of grieving as anyone does, but without the useless "why" questions: why them, why me, why now; and the pointless "what questions" such as what did they / I do to deserve this. All of these hand-wringing questions imply that life is coherent and had an externally imposed meaning, and/or, is in the control of an invisible man in the sky who I am obliged to reconcile his alleged goodness and mercy with the obscenity that such a loss is, particularly in view of the elaborate and lavish promises of said being to protect me and mine from harm.
The sorrow that accompanies me into old age is largely a product of these losses, but is no different than what anyone has to cope with, except that I don't feel I have to deny it exists or pretend that these aren't 800 pound gorillas that have taken up permanent residence in my psyche.
Today I got stuck in a traffic jam and came to a halt right in front of the house where my son used to live. It's a place I usually drive quickly by, cringing a bit internally. Today it brought back the same flood of memories it would bring for a believer, except that I don't have to reconcile it with some preconceived notion of how life is "supposed" to go. I don't have to turn mental handsprings to explain why my my son is dead and I'm alive. I understand that life is just a series of things happening, and sometimes things don't happen as we wish or hope they would, and it hurts. A lot.
I'm pretty much an atheist. (OK, I'm an atheist.) My mom was an atheist for at least several decades (she is, sorry was, English and was "raised," if you can call it that, in the Church of England, which is Anglican/Episcopalian).
My mom died on July 3rd. As you can imagine, it's been hard. Shortly after she died, I got a text from my older sister that basically said how Mom was "at peace" now and how she would "pray for [me]" to find peace too. (Honestly, there was a part of me that wanted to reply "You know Mom was an atheist, right? How freakin' stupid and idiotic can you be?" But I didn't, as I knew she meant well.)
I understand the appeal of religion, even for people who are generally intelligent in all other areas of their lives (like my older sister). This isn't new -- when a close Jewish friend of mine died back in 1985, I wanted so much to have some version of religion that told me that I would see her again in some magical afterlife etc etc etc. As a more recent example, when my beloved kitty Einstein died on 9/17/16 (he was only 8 and it was unexpected and absolutely devastating for me), there WAS a part of me that wished that there were some magical wonderland in which I would die and he would magically greet me at "heaven's gate" (or whatever). So I understand the appeal.
I am STILL an atheist, so no, I don't think that I will be able to "meet up" with my mom (and other beloved relatives or friends or kitties) when I die ... but it IS kind of sad, and there IS a part of me that wishes I were stupid enough to be able to believe in a magical afterlife. So how do you, as an atheist, handle this?
My Father died when I was young, and my Grandfather died last year. I accept they are gone, and I remember them for what they did, and for what they said (or did not say).
If it provides false comfort, I don't rely on it or wish for it to be so. Even when I believed in a heaven, I did not feel comfort. So I learn to live with the discomfort by making the most out of our time together when we are together. And then I think about our good times. Sometimes I make myself cry.
In the case of a death in the family, or of a close friend, I suspect that the majority of the comfort value arises from the church providing the ritual framework, giving the mourners a structure, telling them when and where to go and what to do. It serves as something of an instruction booklet for people who otherwise aren't sure what they should be doing.
In the case of a death in the family, or of a close friend, I suspect that the majority of the comfort value arises from the church providing the ritual framework, giving the mourners a structure, telling them when and where to go and what to do. It serves as something of an instruction booklet for people who otherwise aren't sure what they should be doing.
This is a way to bring comfort.
Quote:
Originally Posted by barking pumpkins
Happiness trumps reality. That is, I'd rather be happy and naive than unhappy and realistic.
I like this.
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