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I found few cute jokes for ya all. I'm sure our Christian friends will get a at least a smile out of it.
Take it for what it worth, i found them funny, and i am an atheist.
1. Why did the atheist throw her watch out the window? She wanted to see if it was designed intelligently enough to evolve into a bird.
2. Why did the atheist cross the road? He thought there might be a street on the other side, but he wouldn’t believe it until he tested his hypothesis.
3.How many atheists does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One to actually change the bulb, and the other to videotape the job so fundamentalists won’t claim that god did it.
4. Atheist: What’s this fly doing in my soup?
Waiter: Praying.
Atheist: Very funny. I can’t eat this. Take it back.
Waiter: You see? The fly’s prayers were answered.
5. How can you tell if an atheist lives in your refrigerator? You find a copy of The God Delusion hidden in the cream cheese.
And my favorite:Knock, knock. Who’s there?
God. Who?
God. Who?
God. Must be the wind.
One day the zoo-keeper noticed that the orangutan was reading two books - the Bible and Darwin's Origin of Species.
Surprised, he asked the ape, "Why are you reading both those books?"
"Well," said the orangutan, "I just wanted to know if I was my brother's keeper or my keeper's brother."
A woman went to the post office to buy religious stamps for her Christmas cards.
"What denomination?" asked the postal clerk.
"Oh, good heavens! Has it come to this?" said the woman. "Well, give me 50 Baptist and 50 Catholic ones."
A woman was at the beach with her children when her four-year-old son ran up to her, grabbed her hand, and led her to the shore, where a sea gull lay dead in the sand.
"Mommy, what happened to him?" the son asked.
"He died and went to heaven," the mother replied.
Her son thought a moment and then said, "And God threw him back down?"
When some people came to dinner, the hostess turned to her six year old daughter and said, "Would you like to say the blessing?"
"I wouldn't know what to say," the girl replied.
"Just say what you hear Mommy say," her mom answered.
The daughter bowed her head and said, "Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?"
One day a guy dies and finds himself in hell. As he is wallowing in despair, he has his first meeting with the devil …
Satan: ‘Why so glum?’
Guy: ‘What do you think? I’m in hell!’
Satan: ‘Hell’s not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinking man?’
Guy: ‘Sure, I love to drink.’
Satan: ‘Well, you’re gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays, that’s all we do is drink. Whiskey, tequila, Guinness, wine coolers, Tab and Fresca. We drink ’til we throw up and then we drink some more! And you don’t have to worry about getting a hangover, because you’re dead anyway.’
Guy: ‘Gee that sounds great!’
Satan: ‘You a smoker?’
Guy: ‘You better believe it’
Satan: ‘All right! You’re gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from all over the world and smoke our lungs out. If you get cancer - no biggie, you’re already dead, remember?’
Guy: ‘Wow … that’s awesome!’
Satan: ‘I bet you like to gamble.’
Guy: ‘Why, yes, as a matter of fact I do.’
Satan: ‘Good, ’cause Wednesdays you can gamble all you want. Craps, blackjack, roulette, poker, slots, whatever. If you go bankrupt, it doesn’t matter, you’re dead anyhow.’
Guy: ‘Cool!’
Satan: ‘What about drugs?’
Guy: ‘Are you kidding? Love drugs! You don’t mean …?’
Satan: ‘That’s right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack or smack. Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want. You’re dead so who cares.’
Guy: ‘Wow! I never realized Hell was such a cool place!’
A nun was walking in the convent when one of the priests noticed she was gaining a little weight. "Gaining a little weight are we sister Susan?" he asked.
"No, Father. Just a little gas," Sister Susan explained.
A month or so later the priest noticed that she had gained even more weight. "Gaining some weight are we Sister Susan?" he asked again.
"Oh no, Father. Just a little gas," she replied again.
A couple of months later the priest noticed Sister Susan pushing a baby carriage around the convent. He leaned over and looked in the carriage and said, "Cute little fart."
One day, Adam sat outside the Garden of Eden shortly after eating the apple, and wondered about men and women. So looking up to the heavens he said, "Excuse me God, can I ask you a few questions?"
God replied, "Go on Adam but be quick. I have a world to create."
So Adam says, "When you created Eve, why did you make her body so curved and tender unlike mine?"
"I did that, Adam, so that you could love her."
"Oh, well then, why did you give her long, shiny, beautiful hair, and not me?"
"I did that Adam so that you could love her."
"Oh, well then, why did you make her so stupid? Certainly not so that I could love her?"
"Well, Adam no. I did that so that she could love you."
So Ole was hiking in the mountains of Norway and he slips on a wet rock and he falls over the edge of a five-hundred-foot cliff, and he falls twenty feet and he grabs hold of a bush that's growing out of a rock. And there he is, he's hanging looking down at this deep fjord down below him -- certain death -- and his hands start to perspire and he starts to slip on this bush and he yells out, "Is anybody up there?"
And he heard a deep voice ring out in the fjord, "I'm here, Ole. It's the Lord, Ole. Have faith. Let go of that bush and I will save you." Ole looked down, and he looked up, and he says, "Is anyone else up there?"
A man is on his roof praying during a flood and he asks god to save him. Soon a man comes by in a raft and offers help.
"No, it's fine, god will save me"
later a man in another boat comes along and offers help
"no, god will save me, thank you."
A few more people stop by and offer help and he tells them all the same thing. eventually the flood covers his roof and he is swept away and drowns. When he gets to heaven he asks god:
"what happened?"
"What happened?!?!?! I sent you a raft, I sent you a boat, I sent you a......."
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