Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Well the fault of this does not lie on black women or any woman period. These men need to straighten up their life. Most likely they won't because the hood state of mind is something that is hard to break. If we can't expect these men to break this mindset, then how can we expect the women to break it. You can't. If you were raised to think that rims and bass were important then that's likely what you'll think is important as an adult. As a matter of fact I believe that's why so many black women are single, because they refuse to date hoodlums.
Your point is a valid one. But this is not about the hood men. He's seemingly a professional, straight man looking for a like minded individual, being a black woman. I'm thinking he has standards, some that may be superficial, and he is suffering a bit in the process. He may want a Halle Berry, but is finding a Keisha Cole (cute, but very unrefined. A thug lover, a street girl if you want to call her that). There are plenty of good women, but here's the catch:
Let's say a single, (black), professional, (no kids), good looking man is in Atlanta seeking a like minded black woman:
1. He starts off with let's say (for argument's sake) a ratio of 10 women for 1 man.
2. Now out of these 10 women, there are 4 that are divorced with kids. A no no for him. (He wants to start fresh, no kids, no baggage)
3. There are 2 uneducated, dare I say, ghetto models...another no no .
4. There are 2 professionals, but they're overweight, or in his eyes ugly. While he may be missing out on great women, he's just not attracted to them, which is natural. Another no no. Superficial for some, but that's his right. So what is he left with?
This seems to be the dilemna of a few that I know. That's on both side of the fence? The alluring ratio is not really helping at this point.
5. Now, he has 2 decent women left, and there are other men that wantthe same things and are having the same issues. The table turns for these picky men. There may be a competition brewing. That's what "may" be happening to him. I'm just speculating, but that does go on, as we speak. The same goes for the black women that are looking for like minded men. Oh, How the world turns..... May the best man win!!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sunnnee
You move on and get on with your life right?
There are plenty of woman in this world, why are you trippin over a few?
Great advice. That's how I see it. Too many out there to focus on the losers.
Quote:
Originally Posted by bizchick86
I'm not denying anything about Black women. I just don't go around making gross generalizations as you two are doing. If someone can go around and say that MOST black women are into thugs, yes, I do believe that's an exaggeration, especially since the next second all we hear is that Black women are looking for good Black men and don't give blue collar brothers a chance. Which one is it.
This debate is tired. The bottom line is that there are PLENTY of black women who want clean cut, educated dudes who dress well, and they are not hard to find AT ALL.
Another thread touches on this from the perspective of black women, with, guess what, the majority of them saying they are not into thugs.
You are right Bizchick. I agree with you, but let's look at something here. Many people on this forum have some sort of insight, some level of intelligence .
The OP failed to realize that he would not reach the ghetto audience here, and expected some answers with his negative experience. I strongly doubt he's trying to bash black women. I think he wants to discuss issues pertaining to his bad streak of dates and experiences in Atlanta. Give him a break, and possibly steer him in the right direction if you can. As a matter of fact, ask him out on a date... You may enjoy the ride in the Prius..they're quiet... (j/k)
That's interesting. I would have thought it'd be the other way around. With most black girls at black colleges wanting the non-thug types who were on their level education wise.
Well, there are seemingly a good amount who do have a thug fetish. It may be more attraction than anything else. The problem is that many of these women can't shake that fetish off...
You are right Bizchick. I agree with you, but let's look at something here. Many people on this forum have some sort of insight, some level of intelligence .
The OP failed to realize that he would not reach the ghetto audience here, and expected some answers with his negative experience. I strongly doubt he's trying to bash black women. I think he wants to discuss issues pertaining to his bad streak of dates and experiences in Atlanta. Give him a break, and possibly steer him in the right direction if you can. As a matter of fact, ask him out on a date... You may enjoy the ride in the Prius..they're quiet... (j/k)
Both of you all hit the nail right on the head, however I dont really see where the threadstarter is coming from. I'm a black 20 something, and quite honestly I have no problem whatsoever meeting and dating educated, professional women of all races, here in Atlanta or even in other cities. While I will admit that allot of black females here are caught up in the wrong things in regards to what they value in a mate, there are still a whole bunch here that are educated and professional in their late 20's to mid 30's who are still single and are DYING to meet a black dude who is of a like mind. And chicks like that are everywhere here in Atlanta, so Im not really seeing where the OP is coming from. For a single educated black man, this city is like a candy store, seriously. There are so many black dudes here who are to caught up in being thugs or goons, then there are allot of other black dudes here who are gay, that those of us who are just "normal" basically get the pick of the litter. So once again Im not seeing where the OP is coming from. Perhaps he needs to travel in a different circle, perhaps he needs to change his appoach to women. Perhaps I need to stop telling the game, because I like not having any competition
In regards to Black females (even the educated professional ones) want a man who walks a fine line between being a nerd and being knowledgable about the streets. They dont want a nerd, but they still want a dude who is educated but yet still isnt scared to pull up in the ghetto. Im college educated, but I feel comfortable in both a suit and tie at work or hanging out at the Blue Flame shooting pool with some of my childhood friends who shall I say are involved in questionable activities daily. As much as they might not want to admit it, bottom line is educated black females want a dude who is "well rounded". They dont want some 30 year old cat who still sells drugs and doesnt even know how to tie an oxford knot, but at the same time they dont want some nerdy cat who gets "chumped off" by some 15 year old at the gas station while they are out on a date. They want a man who is able to conduct himself in both the board room and the "trap"
Last edited by youngMichaelJackson; 09-22-2009 at 10:43 AM..
You are the type of guy they will look for when they are 30+ then it will be too late. I feel you about black women wanting thugs or guys wit more of a street swag. But my wife and MOST of her friends are black in their late 20s wont date a thug. I always tell men and women this. You cant turn a ho into a housewife and you cant turn a thug into a family man, it aint gonna work.
I consider myself a black male who has assimilated to mainstream white culture to get where I am at right now. I went to one of the top 5 schools in the nation and I still go back to the community to give back to inner city youth, because it all started for me there.
Most people say I am handsome and hot, and have the appeal to be a model in a GQ magazine. Even with all these attributes, I have not had one successful relationship with any African American woman. Most of my successful relationships have been with women from other ethnic backgrounds. White, Latina, Asian etc, and the reason for this I think is that I just do not understand why most black women want to be with delinquents.
Don't get me wrong, I think everybody no matter what type needs love, but from observation it just seems almost as if this is what most black women want...at least until they turn 35 or if they have many children. They would rather be with men who are wannabe gangstas, instead of a young successful black man in there early to mid 20's.
I remember dating an undergrad from Spelman while I was in Atlanta. I guess she thought I was one of those wannabe thugs, because of the attire I wore that day "pretty thuggish" when I asked her out. The minute I picked her up, she glanced at what I was wearing, and it appeared almost as if she did not want to date me anymore. Throughout our date I guess she was surprised on how proper and eloquent I spoke, and just was not interested. We really had nothing in common because she was talking about todays terrible hip hop artists and about shoes that you can get from any major sports store. On the way home she was looking at a guy with dreadlocks in a beat up maybe mid 90s Buick with some shiny rims. I guess she did not like my hybrid.
It happened to me more then once with black woman, and I came to the conclusion that maybe there is probably only one type for most of them.
I understand that most women like the guy who has that bad boy image, but that is a psychological theory. I also heard theories that since we are all mammal, most females look at which man is suitable and could provide them with a strong offspring, which is scientific.
I say it is just a phase, that young teenagers go through when they watch all those hip hop and rap videos. However the black women I have met ranged from 19 - 24 and they give off this mean attitude. Even the more sophisticated ones act like that. They do not want to give bright educated black men an opportunity and I do not know why, because to tell you the truth I would rather have a long term relationship with black woman.
I just don't understand why is it with most black women the only type of men they would date, at least when they are in there early to mid 20's are wannabe gangstas and thugs? How come women from other ethnic backgrounds more specifically white and Asian women got away from that phase, and actually decide to go for men even dorkier than me. I just wonder why, because maybe this is a reason why single parent households is high in the African-American community. Most of the men they decide to get with are men who are not likely to take any responsibility for there own actions.
lol, back again....
Truth be told, I have had similar experiences. I remember my last GF would get upset when I dressed up in Stacy Adams shoes topped off with a dress shirt. She preferred me in air force 1's, jeans and a hat tilted to the LEFT.
Anyhow, it seems to me that you are now becoming aware of the fact that there are different types of Afro Americans and that we all don't get along.
In your case, an educated black man, I find that your particular group tends to look down on any other black male or female who does not have a degree or material wealth. Your group simply ostracizes any black male or female who chooses not to play along with the game. Also, especially the males in your group, you guys somehow get the idea that once you graduate a harem of women should immediately fall into your lap.
Hmmm, maybe the girls like the street guys despite there some of there short comings because they are ORIGINAL and they except there women for who they are and they pass no judgments.
You are the type of guy they will look for when they are 30+ then it will be too late. I feel you about black women wanting thugs or guys wit more of a street swag. But my wife and MOST of her friends are black in their late 20s wont date a thug. I always tell men and women this. You cant turn a ho into a housewife and you cant turn a thug into a family man, it aint gonna work.
Can't tell you how true that is. So many black women are feeling this pressure when it's too late. They are getting older and either have baggage or they are mentally screwed up b/c of being in relationships with "thugs". There are women who had decent men and it just didn't work out but I don't think this post is about those.
Truth be told, I have had similar experiences. I remember my last GF would get upset when I dressed up in Stacy Adams shoes topped off with a dress shirt. She preferred me in air force 1's, jeans and a hat tilted to the LEFT.
Anyhow, it seems to me that you are now becoming aware of the fact that there are different types of Afro Americans and that we all don't get along.
In your case, an educated black man, I find that your particular group tends to look down on any other black male or female who does not have a degree or material wealth. Your group simply ostracizes any black male or female who chooses not to play along with the game. Also, especially the males in your group, you guys somehow get the idea that once you graduate a harem of women should immediately fall into your lap.
Hmmm, maybe the girls like the street guys despite there some of there short comings because they are ORIGINAL and they except there women for who they are and they pass no judgments.
Interesting about the GF. But you know what? I hate it going to a bar in DC and seeing an overdressed guy. The type that has on a suit while everyone is in jeans. Annoys me to no end. Yes, I realize that this could be someone who was working really late and came straight to the bar from the office. Doesn't stop it from annoying me because I'm still thinking "Really you're overdressed and I'm supposed to be impressed?"
Anywho. I don't know the third paragraph does a little bit of generalizing don't you think?
The last paragraph I kinda disagree with. I don't know I guess I'm in the educated black man category, not straight so don't care about females obviously; but yeah that last paragraph kinda implies that unless you're being thugged or ghetto you're not being authentic and I can say that I'm naturally not ghetto or thuggish. And so often in the black community we feel the need to stereotype ourselves. If so and so is not thuggish or hood they're being fake and I totally disagree. Or better yet "Why do you talk so white?" That's tiring. For me to act hood would definitely not be authentic. So that's definitely where we disagree.
With that being said I can see your point as far as women wanting someone who will except them flaws and all if they in turn do the same.
Also with the OP I have to say that maybe you're looking for love in all the wrong places, as they say. Like someone said look at professional organizations. Look at your work place or local alumni associations. Volunteer for something try joining a singles group. If you keep finding the wrong type of girls then it might be time to assess where you're finding them.
Both of you all hit the nail right on the head, however I dont really see where the threadstarter is coming from. I'm a black 20 something, and quite honestly I have no problem whatsoever meeting and dating educated, professional women of all races, here in Atlanta or even in other cities. While I will admit that allot of black females here are caught up in the wrong things in regards to what they value in a mate, there are still a whole bunch here that are educated and professional in their late 20's to mid 30's who are still single and are DYING to meet a black dude who is of a like mind. And chicks like that are everywhere here in Atlanta, so Im not really seeing where the OP is coming from. For a single educated black man, this city is like a candy store, seriously. There are so many black dudes here who are to caught up in being thugs or goons, then there are allot of other black dudes here who are gay, that those of us who are just "normal" basically get the pick of the litter. So once again Im not seeing where the OP is coming from. Perhaps he needs to travel in a different circle, perhaps he needs to change his appoach to women. Perhaps I need to stop telling the game, because I like not having any competition
In regards to Black females (even the educated professional ones) want a man who walks a fine line between being a nerd and being knowledgable about the streets. They dont want a nerd, but they still want a dude who is educated but yet still isnt scared to pull up in the ghetto. Im college educated, but I feel comfortable in both a suit and tie at work or hanging out at the Blue Flame shooting pool with some of my childhood friends who shall I say are involved in questionable activities daily. As much as they might not want to admit it, bottom line is educated black females want a dude who is "well rounded". They dont want some 30 year old cat who still sells drugs and doesnt even know how to tie an oxford knot, but at the same time they dont want some nerdy cat who gets "chumped off" by some 15 year old at the gas station while they are out on a date. They want a man who is able to conduct himself in both the board room and the "trap"
I'm so glad someone else said this, because I was thinking the same thing. I'm the parent of a 20-something (married) whose friends are constantly saying the same thing. And despite some of the stereotypes posted in this thread - they're not ugly, fat, "hood", nor divorced w/babies - nor do they want a "thug".
Can you share with him where you're meeting the black women you reference?
My daughter's HS/college friends don't "club" - they don't enjoy the nightlife here in Atlanta. On any given weekend, you can find them at a poetry reading/book signing/spoken word/house party/bowling alley. Or out with their social circle, catching a movie. You'd be more likely to meet them while Volunteering with Hands on Atlanta than you would at the nearest lounge. We all went to Hill Harper's "The Conversation" book signing at Uptown Restaurant last week, and guess what? The ratio of single educated, professional women to single men was about 10:1. And no one asked the brothers in the suits to make their pants sag, or put on a wife beater.
By definition, finding a "good" woman/man is hard. If they were easy to find they wouldn't be desirable. You've got to get over the fact that finding an ideal mate is hard. It is, and if you want to succeed there's nothing you can do about it but work through it. Kind of like being successful in other endeavors: The more you whine the less you shine.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
.
. May the best man win!! 
. 
" when I asked her out. The minute I picked her up, she glanced at what I was wearing, and it appeared almost as if she did not want to date me anymore. Throughout our date I guess she was surprised on how proper and eloquent I spoke, and just was not interested. We really had nothing in common because she was talking about todays terrible hip hop artists and about shoes that you can get from any major sports store. On the way home she was looking at a guy with dreadlocks in a beat up maybe mid 90s Buick with some shiny rims. I guess she did not like my hybrid. 
