Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I find it really tacky when people ask "what do you do?" or "where do you live?" or "what school did you go to?" or when someone insists on telling you where they live, even though you didn't ask them. (You know who I'm talking about).
What's the most annoying?
The guy who has college sweaters from 50 different colleges. Did you really go to Harvard, Dartmouth, Stanford and Pepperdine? Seriously? I wouldn't have known how smart you were otherwise - thanks for sharing.
I guess you learn something new every day. I seriously had no idea at all that some people take questions like "what do you do?" or "where do you live?" or "what school did you go to?" the wrong way. I do ask those questions and I get asked those questions a lot, but there are no ill-motives at all behind them. I'm basically just trying to find out if this person lives close enough to be a good friend and if they have any common interests as myself. Also, I'm normally at a loss of what other conversation-starter type questions that I should ask. "Do you like baseball?" sounds tackier to me, even though that's the question that I'd probably like to ask the most. Plus, "Hi, my name is so and so, do you like baseball?" sounds like I'm a little crazy.
I guess you learn something new every day. I seriously had no idea at all that some people take questions like "what do you do?" or "where do you live?" or "what school did you go to?" the wrong way. I do ask those questions and I get asked those questions a lot, but there are no ill-motives at all behind them. I'm basically just trying to find out if this person lives close enough to be a good friend and if they have any common interests as myself. Also, I'm normally at a loss of what other conversation-starter type questions that I should ask. "Do you like baseball?" sounds tackier to me, even though that's the question that I'd probably like to ask the most. Plus, "Hi, my name is so and so, do you like baseball?" sounds like I'm a little crazy.
If you're creative, you could attempt some humor instead - no need to be stoic when meeting people. I'm a very active person, so I usually meet people doing to same thing as I am, and that becomes the catalyst.
I guess it is okay to ask people the questions above, but that's really just for professional settings, like happy hour, luncheons, lectures, public events and other functions. The other 80% of the time, it's tacky. Perhaps I should have considered all circumstances, not just informal. Eventually it becomes okay to ask, but for some people, it becomes a knee-jerk action to get these questions out of the way within 30 seconds of meeting others. Why do that? Do we really need to know within 30 seconds of meeting someone whether or not they are worthy of future consideration?
I'm laughing so hard at this underlined comment. You have clearly never seen or experienced a real arts community or an arts district.
The amazing public relations and marketing are not "progressive arts districts." Those are disciplines and departments of business administration. The arts are expressionism, impressionism, realism, surrealism, avant-garde, French and English neo-gothic, etc.
I found tattoos, beards, and tons of yard gnome art when I vacationed in the smokey mountains. lol. Well you get the idea. It's country over there.
Austin does what Austin does best i.e., being a big college town and the state capital. That is all it offers. IMHO.
And yes people of color are treated differently. And making friends is extremely difficult if you have some color to your skin unless you already have a lot of family and friends in town. Because the city is so segregated you will probably have to move to the black area or the minority area of town to meet less bigoted people.
Just so you know. People from Mexico are usually very introverted and reserved, especially their men. The women are a little more outgoing. Women are heads of the household in many if not most Latino families. They are cliquish but try waving first next time. See what happens.
I think it is horrifying that you are being stared at as if you are diseased. I experienced the same BS in 2008. Yet, you are clearly an educated man and you are with your family and that is what makes your circumstance even worse. Plus you are in the Obama loving city. They love Obama but treat you differently. What you see there, is what you get there. Get it?
Artsy Guy- I don't think I defined my complaints as being in a "district" or trying to say something about the arts themselves (I think you know this), but was trying to say that a lot of the things that brought me here to this city have turned out to be less accepting of me, my color and my family than I have experienced in other places known for their Art and generally progressive inhabitants.
I could see how some could take some of my statements as "generalizations" but they represent how I feel and represent some of the things that I have experienced. Having spent the vast majority of my time living in the so called NYC "artsy" areas of Tribeca, Williamsburg and Dumbo from the late 80's till the more recent past, I have not only lived around a considerable amount of artists, but have worked in many galleries during my undergard days. I was a researcher for the famous yet hack artist Mark Kastabi and worked in artistic management positions on approx 15 feature films like "Basquiat" which lead me into becoming a main title designer, flash artists, and web designer all while I went to grad school to further my more corporate based technology goals. Some of my good friends here in Austin are artists and musicians (most who I have known from NYC, LA, Portland and Santa Fe) and thus think I have experienced a few real arts communities. The fact is that a lot of the yes generalized "arsty folk" (including ad agency types, artists, film makers, and corporate workers that choose to live here for the arts etc) that I have met here are not as progressive as they proclaim themselves to be. But yes..It is a bit of a generalization.. I have spent a lot of time in cities as small or smaller than Austin; cities that have an artsy and funky flair and found it easier to get to know people and not feel like I am out of place. Why should I have to move to Austin which has proclaimed itself as a mecca for progessive thinking or any city for that matter and accept that "people of color" are treated differntly and or live in the black areas of town to feel like a normal human being? Yes I will run into issues everywhere in this country (and anyone who is black should know this). And FYI- I go out of my way to say hello to my Mexican neighbors:-)
Just out of curiosity, do you live in the Westlake/Beecave area? Have most of your experiences been in those locations? If you live in Westlake, you are literally one of the 9 or 10 Black people who live in that municipality (.3 percent). This might have something to do with your experiences. I would imagine that many of the people who live in this area probably have very little social interaction with people of color.
Yes I do live in the beecave, westlake area..it is very pretty..I like the outdoors. It is less about social interaction with other black people (which admittedly would be nice) but more about the fact that many people act as if they have not ever met a black person before and some of the business owners (not many) feel it okay to treat my money like it is not Green. Although potentially unfounded..the stares and silly questions often leave the realm of innocent ignorance and increasingly come across as racist.
Couple of things. First, what would you recommend as an opening query amongst strangers as an easy way to start the process of getting to know somebody? It seems that the importance on the query is greater for you than probably the majority of those who ask the question. After all, other than sleeping, for most people their job is the single thing that they spend the most hours of the week doing, why is it then unusual to ask the question? That you don't care is fine, but why denigrate the question (and those who ask it) because of your preferences?
Which brings me to point two. Your job does say something about you. Just like your reaction to the question says something about you. Just like your post says something about you. Just like your hobbies say something about you. The trick of course is to not let a single data point paint the entire picture of a person. You query and probe and as you collect data points you start to form the picture. While I totally agree that there is a percentage of the population that will latch on to an rather narrow view of a person based purely on their occupation, but then again people will often do that based on other criteria including your race, hobbies, way of speech, the way you dress, the questions you ask, etc.
The fact that someone asks what one does for a living or asks about your education is not the problem although its boring..many people ask this as a way to break the ice and this does happen all over the country. Still I have noticed that many people here ask the question of occupation and/or education to qualify your acceptance into their circle. As a black person here in Austin, questions like this have followed a tepid approach or weird look after other people were accepted in a much warmer fashion (and without the same questions). The fact is that it should not matter if I am a garbage man, a receptionist or the CEO of a major company. It should not matter if I did not graduate high school or have a doctorate. For many black people, fitting into a mostly white society is the norm. It has little to do with ones attitude, or security in education (as suggested in other places on this thread) as most black people have to be charismatic, diplomatic and generally the best or the "exception" in everything they do and how they speak with others to insure success. It just gets old sometimes and until people are able to openly speak about race (like we are doing here in this forum) it wont change. Try starting out with sports, or kids (like do you have any?) or generally greeting them like you would a friend. Get to jobs and education later. Its kind of like the old money rule of not speaking about your wealth..its just not necessary.
If it bothers you so much you could just not talk to people. I rarely talk to people in real life and it greatly decreases the frequency that people annoy me. I also never have people just come up to me asking what I do for work or if I like baseball. Maybe you just look friendly.
The fact that someone asks what one does for a living or asks about your education is not the problem although its boring..many people ask this as a way to break the ice and this does happen all over the country. Still I have noticed that many people here ask the question of occupation and/or education to qualify your acceptance into their circle. As a black person here in Austin, questions like this have followed a tepid approach or weird look after other people were accepted in a much warmer fashion (and without the same questions). The fact is that it should not matter if I am a garbage man, a receptionist or the CEO of a major company. It should not matter if I did not graduate high school or have a doctorate. For many black people, fitting into a mostly white society is the norm. It has little to do with ones attitude, or security in education (as suggested in other places on this thread) as most black people have to be charismatic, diplomatic and generally the best or the "exception" in everything they do and how they speak with others to insure success. It just gets old sometimes and until people are able to openly speak about race (like we are doing here in this forum) it wont change. Try starting out with sports, or kids (like do you have any?) or generally greeting them like you would a friend. Get to jobs and education later. Its kind of like the old money rule of not speaking about your wealth..its just not necessary.
Austinnerd-Dont take anything I have said as an attack..as usual emails, texts and citydata forums have a way of delivering a message that was not intended by the author. Peace
I don't think I ever implied that anyone shouldn't ever complain. My point was that if the intent of some of the posters here was to inform people about the suitability of Austin as a place to live, then THEIR bad experiences shouldn't equate blanket proclamations with regard to EVERY Black person. Austin has been and will continue to be a good option for many, the bad experiences of some, not withstanding. On the other hand, I know Black people who live in the supposed Black mecca's of Atlanta and DC who do nothing but complain about a whole laundry-list of issues: incompetent/self-serving political leadership, stuck up people, superficial people, unconcerned and uninvolved citizens, lack of quality people to date, too many brothas on the downlow, high crime, lack of unity, and so on and so on. As I said before, if you are looking for perfection in a place to live you will likely have a hard time finding it.
As far as dating goes in Austin, my history includes the fact that I'm a college educated black man who met and married his college educated Black wife in Austin. I have numerous friends who've had similar experiences. I never had a problem dating here before I was married, but the scene certainly is not comparable to places like Dallas and Houston. Things may have changed over the many years that I've been married, but I would suspect that if you are a man who brings substance to the table, you won't have a problem dating quality women anywhere.
Blackjack22- Everything Karnival 96 says is true as it pertains to no place being perfect. Still the fact remains that many black people like yourself who have worked with many different types of people, have varying interests, are looking for a healthy lifestyle and a great place for kids or the single life hear that Austin is this awesome, accepting place. They read all the forbes and business week lists and then seriously consider if they should move here. I still think it may be a good place for my family based on various factors (mostly Kids), but DONT SLEEP, If I was single, already out of college and looking to meet a my nubian princess, I would NOT move to Austin. Check it out after you all meet and are looking for a combination of career, lifestyle, modest affordability etc.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
