Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
OP people with dementia do need full time care. As long as you are the caretaker, forget about looking for a job outside. You probably need to find a facility care which will take both of them. I am unsure but I am guessing there has to be one out there as your mom also needs some special care.
Meanwhile, have you considered adult diapers for him? His bladder is probably out of his control by now.
I am so tired of my step dad. He is so mean. I swear he does things on purpose. He has dementia, but he's always been so mean to me before he got sick.
I know how ya feel buddy...... Try to be paitent,dad doesnt mean to be mean to you......... The best thing you can do is be there for him,let him know you realise what he is going thru...... ITS NOT EASY FOR HIM!!
I think the key to your dilemma is the phrase "My mom won't let me." You are allowing her (natural) desire to stay close to her husband to place you and your family at risk. She is demanding he remain in the home, but she is not the one having to take care of him or clean up after him, or give up the possibility of paying work. I think you need to take a hard line with your Mom. It's your home he's ruining, after all. Either he goes, or they both go. He probably needs to be in a facility; maybe you could find one near you. Maybe he's eligible for Medicaid and can go to a nursing home. Clearly his situation is not going to improve, and you need to be able to be free to support your family and save for your own retirement. Your mother should not be expecting you to rescue her and her husband at your own expense.
I have to agree here. OP, this doesn't sound like much of a life for you OR your children and they should be your priority right now. You need a JOB - where is your retirement going to come from? Making yourself dependent on your stepfather is not a good move, IMO.
Help them - yes. Move in - full time care - no.
The best thing you could do for your stepdad, yourself, and your children is to find a good facility close by that you can visit a lot.
I lived with my elderly father but he was in his right mind and also able to take care of himself except for driving, laundry, and cooking.
Quote:
Originally Posted by animalcrazy
Have you looked into an assisted living facility that they could both move in together? Sorry but your first priority should be your children, not your mother and her problem.
Ugh that sounds horrible. I'm sorry you have to go through that! I feel bad for saying this too, but I kind of wish my dad's girlfriend would die! I hate her! She changed him for the worse. I just wish she wasn't in his life.
I know how ya feel buddy...... Try to be patient,dad doesn't mean to be mean to you......... The best thing you can do is be there for him,let him know you realize what he is going thru...... ITS NOT EASY FOR HIM!!
Peace and love to you my friend
Uh, you missed the post about StepDad being a mean old b****** before he became ill. He's lucky OP is not torturing him while she has the chance.
I know how ya feel buddy...... Try to be paitent,dad doesnt mean to be mean to you......... The best thing you can do is be there for him,let him know you realise what he is going thru...... ITS NOT EASY FOR HIM!!
Peace and love to you my friend
You are being sarcastic, right....? Did you read the whole thread before you posted ?
I think you need to figure out how to get your mom and step dad out of your house. If they are financially insecure, then they could go on Medicaid. But there is so much to your story that I don't know. Find a social worker at your local department of aging, make an appointment, and tell her or him your story. I don't know if an ALF would take your step dad if he insists on peeing on things, though. He might need a med to calm him.
I think you should be working and accruing social security credits for yourself. You need to find a place for either your mom and step dad or for them to live in separate places. Work toward this. This is no life for your kids, or you.
If all else fails, insist that his kids take responsibility for his care.
Your mom will probably be relieved when your stepfather is in a different living situation. My mom is at the end of her rope sometimes with my dad but she feels like it would be breaking her marriage vows to put him in a facility. I think she's hoping I'll force her to do it. In the meantime, she barely sleeps and she only drinks a little water each day so she can try to get sick. That worked last year, she had a UTI go septic and she spent a couple weeks in the hospital.
When my mom was in the hospital and my dad had to stay at my house, he also had a peeing problem in the middle of the night. He was looking for the bathroom but he couldn't remember where it was. I put up signs all over the house with arrows pointing to the bathrooms but he couldn't find the light switch or his glasses at night to read the signs. Finally I bought locking doorknobs for every room except his room and the bathroom. I reversed the deadbolt on the door between my garage and my house because the step to get out to the garage is tall and my dad fell on it once when he was coming back in from peeing on my bicycle. I don't think my dad was peeing in the wrong place to be mean, I think he was just really disoriented and couldn't hold it anymore. Maybe your stepfather is the same way.
Either way, you need to help your mother find a different living situation for your stepfather. A place they can both go, or a place nearby where she can visit all the time. You know their financial situation better than any of the posters here, start looking for a facility for him that his insurance will pay for or that his income will cover. Tell your mom it's because he needs more care than you can give him at home, and you want to make sure he's safe and looked after. Make it all about his health and safety, not about the peeing or keeping you from being able to work. That will make it harder for her to say no.
Thank you guys so much. I was feeling so guilty about how I felt, it was eating me up inside. He got out of the house last night and wouldn't come back. I had to call the police to bring him home. He was lost for four hours. I'm going to start looking now. I can't deal with it anymore. I can handle my Mom. She's really easy. I love having her around. But he has to go. He owns a lot of land in another state. I have power of attorney. I'm meeting with a lawyer next week. I'll at least start the process. I haven't talked to my mom yet. I just want to get more information and and a plan in place first.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
*
