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$4500 a month is a lot. What would it cost to move her back into her own home and move a caregiver in with her? You could interview some trustworthy middle aged to older women who need a free place to live and could act as a caregiver/companion?
Her SS check could probably cover most expenses on the home?
When your mother dies, you could then sell the house and be reimbursed legitimately for your previous expenses.
$4500 a month is a lot. What would it cost to move her back into her own home and move a caregiver in with her? You could interview some trustworthy middle aged to older women who need a free place to live and could act as a caregiver/companion?
Her SS check could probably cover most expenses on the home?
When your mother dies, you could then sell the house and be reimbursed legitimately for your previous expenses.
There is no such thing. She needs/is in LOCKED memory care. The lady isn't REALLY in "Assisted Living" she's in Memory Care. Probably co-located with an ALF. Assisted Living is not locked etc.
NOBODY is capable of managing a person like that at home especially a "trustworthy older woman".
Also she's on MEDS. Guaranteed.
And anybody who "needs a place to live" is definitely disqualified.
You can't even manage these people at home if you have 3 professional big strong MEN doing unaffordable 24 hr shifts because they'll LEAVE THE HOUSE, set fires, call police yada yada. It's a battle zone. You need SKILLS and MEDS.
You are NOT PERMITTED BY LAW to lock someone in their home, either.
She is incompetent even if the courts haven't had the opportunity to rule as such. They WILL if they have to.
I don't know the answer to getting your money back but as far as the future, I was wondering what the policy is at the assisted living as far as what they expect when someone does not have the money to pay.
Have they discussed that with you? Do they expect the resident to leave the facility? Did they give you any suggestions? This happens all the time so they must have a plan in place for those who eventually run out of money.
I was under the impression that Medicaid does not pay for those in an Assisted Living facility. I know they don't in my area. Maybe it depends on the state you live in. What some of them have done when money runs out is to put more than one person in a room. It helps the facility moneywise and the resident does not have to leave. Is that a possibility?
Also, is your mother or a spouse a veteran? Is so, you could apply for financial assistance through the Aid and Attendance program.
I really hope that the facility will try to help you come to a solution. As long as they know they can get you to pay, they may not be as active in helping to find other ways to help your Mother.
$4500 a month is a lot. What would it cost to move her back into her own home and move a caregiver in with her? You could interview some trustworthy middle aged to older women who need a free place to live and could act as a caregiver/companion?
Her SS check could probably cover most expenses on the home?
When your mother dies, you could then sell the house and be reimbursed legitimately for your previous expenses.
Holly, I know you mean well but do you have any idea what is involved in this? First off you would need two people not one. One person can't be awake 24/7. You would need two people for this, maybe even three.
It would cost thousands as well, than you have to find two people who are trustworthy and reliable.
And you can't just bring in someone who needs a free place to live, you need trained people.
And in this scenario the mother needs memory care.
I would see a lawyer before the home is sold. Maybe you can find a settlement attorney who can handle both the claim against your mom for debts owed and the closing. It may require your husband filing both the claim and a lien against the property for the debts owed.
I'm reading this and so sorry for the OP and some of the other posters. This is ridiculous. WHY does it cost so much to have live-in help to care for elderly parents?
The live-in help is getting free room and board, so you should NOT have to pay full minimum wage. Just like the restaurant industry has lobbied to cap the minimum wage for tipped employees, because their salary is only a part of what they make. Their minimum wage is still as low as $2.13 per hour in some states, and there is not a shortage of waiters and waitresses: U.S. Department of Labor - Wage & Hour Divisions (WHD) - Minimum Wages for Tipped Employees
THEN WHY are middle-classed people expected to pay up to $15 per Hour to have a live-in care for a loved one? So that only rich people can afford this care, or so that they can go BANKRUPT having to take care of their parents? It is obvious that sending your parents to one of these homes is extremely expensive. It is time for you all to contact your elected officials and let them know that the regulations around how much you have to pay for live-in help have to change.
If you have live-in help and provide food and separate living space, the cost at fair market value should be DEDUCTED from what you have to pay the employee.
Mom's house is only worth $129,000 so that won't take long to go through. My husband and I are the only one's taking care of mom, my only sister is handicap and we help her as well. Our realtor told us the best time to sell her home is in the spring. I was also told by a lady from council on aging that we could get the money we paid for her care back, as long as we kept a paper trail. It didn't bother me so bad knowing I would get everything we paid in for mom's care, now, it seems I will not and that's the hard reality I guess. What a shock. The lawyer I got was suppose to be the best around, he was $390.00 an hour and came highly recommended. He said I "should" get the money back I paid, but that's not a clear cut answer. I don't understand why that question was so hard for him. I may end up getting another lawyer all together.
My mom's mom lived to be 94 and had dementia at about the same time mom did, a year ago, or so. I think my grandmother, as best I can remember, had to go into skilled nursing around age 90.
Also, mom gets $1522.00 a month in SS, that is with part D medicare taken out and part b I think. I am not old enough to get medicare as of yet so I'm not that familiar with it. Mom makes too much in SS to get any help. It's sad, so sad.
We went through the same thing. Mom's income was just over the limit for financial help. We were told that amount could be adjusted, i.e. lowered, by the cost of medical bills, prescriptions and so forth. But the facilities we found that would accept Medicaid were so dismal we didn't follow up.
I asked the social worker how other people handled this. She said they went into rural areas where costs were lower and found decent places. We found a group home that specialized in the elderly. The door wasn't locked, but it was almost impossible to get the darn thing open and their dog sat on the front porch and barked like crazy whenever anyone went in or out.
What is the plan for when the money runs out from the sale of her home?
I think some of the confusion is because the OP says her mother is in an assisted living facility in the first sentence, and later says that she does not need "skilled nursing care". However adds that she is in a locked memory unit.
However, being in a locked memory unit, at least in my area, is considered a higher level of service than just skilled nursing care and is often double the cost (if not triple the cost) of just living in an assisted living facility.
To give some of you an idea. If someone if someone needs to be in locked memory unit they are not just a little old lady or a little out man who needs "a bit of extra help and a companion".
One woman in my Alzheimer's/Dementia support group mentioned she hires teams of two adults at a time, to provide round the clock care for her spouse in their home. She said that needs two adults with him at all times to keep him safe. It sounded like he could not be left alone even for the length of time that it would take for a caregiver to use the bathroom. So, no "having a middle age lady live there for free room and board" would not work out for her.
Another person, whose spouse is in a locked memory unit, still needs to hire a 1 to 1 aide to be with him eight hours a day on top of the costs of the facility.
The cost involved are simply staggering.
Last edited by germaine2626; 04-06-2016 at 02:05 PM..
I think some of the confusion is because the OP says her mother is in an assisted living facility in the first sentence, and later says that she does not need "skilled nursing care". However adds that she is in a locked memory unit.
However, being in a locked memory unit, at least in my area, is considered a higher level of service than just skilled nursing care and is often double the cost (if not triple the cost) of just living in an assisted living facility.
To give some of you an idea. If someone if someone needs to be in locked memory unit they are not just a little old lady or a little out man who needs "a bit of extra help and a companion".
One woman in my Alzheimer's/Dementia support group mentioned she hires teams of two adults at a time, to provide round the clock care for her spouse in their home. She said that needs two adults with him at all times to keep him safe. It sounded like he could not be left alone even for the length of time that a caregiving could use the bathroom. So, no "having a middle age lady live there for free room and board" would not work out for her.
Another person, whose spouse is in a locked memory unit, still needs to hire a 1 to 1 aide to be with him eight hours a day on top of the costs of the facility.
The cost involved are simply staggering.
OK, now I know what "locked memory care" really indicates! It still sounds like the poor woman doesn't need "skilled nursing care" but just 24 hr supervision. Sounds quite sad to me because, of course, old demented people used to be taken care of at home by relatives no matter how many people it took.
Take me out behind the barn before placing me in locked care- TYVM.
kinky toes, I've been through all this and as I said, in this country you either have to be really rich to be able to afford to pay for help or poor and the government will give you all kinds of help. The middle class and their kids are screwed.
Right now I'm running ragged trying to take care of my mom although we do pay for help (taking me for broke) but when we tried to get some help we were told no. If you qualify for help the government will pay rent (if needed), they'll pay for home modifications, food, all medical costs, doctor visits, medications, equipment and 20 hour of nursing to come in and stay with the elderly. The middle class (if $1 above the income limit) is denied help and paying for it falls onto the kids. I don't know any middle class person who can support themselves and pay around $40k a year for help.
Sadly when you are middle class you're on your own.
Quote:
Originally Posted by kinkytoes
I'm reading this and so sorry for the OP and some of the other posters. This is ridiculous. WHY does it cost so much to have live-in help to care for elderly parents?
The live-in help is getting free room and board, so you should NOT have to pay full minimum wage. Just like the restaurant industry has lobbied to cap the minimum wage for tipped employees, because their salary is only a part of what they make. Their minimum wage is still as low as $2.13 per hour in some states, and there is not a shortage of waiters and waitresses: U.S. Department of Labor - Wage & Hour Divisions (WHD) - Minimum Wages for Tipped Employees
THEN WHY are middle-classed people expected to pay up to $15 per Hour to have a live-in care for a loved one? So that only rich people can afford this care, or so that they can go BANKRUPT having to take care of their parents? It is obvious that sending your parents to one of these homes is extremely expensive. It is time for you all to contact your elected officials and let them know that the regulations around how much you have to pay for live-in help have to change.
If you have live-in help and provide food and separate living space, the cost at fair market value should be DEDUCTED from what you have to pay the employee.
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