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Yes the POA is not a typical one. She has always held many secrets and I showed it to a lawyer friend and he said he's never seen anything like it. She is fiercely independent to a fault. Major denial issues.. has to keep up with the Jones so to speak. No reason to hop on a plane yet because I hired a person to come in 2 x per week till I could get there at the Holiday. I still have a teen at home and this is not the first time we had to drop everything to save a situation. I'm preparing as best I can for the worst case scenario. I have spoken to the bank managers the doctor friends cousins etc. We are doing all we can at this juncture and until I get there face to face in a few days to see how she responds.
And you have to keep in mind that sometimes there are things that need to be done that you can't do. As long as she is competent, it's her life. I did have to go in front of a judge to have my father declared incompetent and as long as your elder knows who they are, where they are, and when they are, they will probably be judged competent. And the intent is to err on the side of the person being judged. They do not take a declaration of incompetence lightly.
I don't think most people realize they have this option.
I'm on a second FMLA within two years to help my dad care for my mom with Alzheimers. I live 1500 miles away. My two sisters live close by my parents and help when I go back home. You do have follow certain criteria and have paperwork from a doctor in order to take this kind of leave. Pretty easy to do by email/fax. It can be a hardship for some people as the leave is unpaid, but it protects your job for 12 weeks.
Well it was signed by Bill Clinton in 1993, so that's 23 years now. I can't imagine people not knowing about and what options are available to them. It's not like this is something new.
Agree, it's never easy, but it provides the time off without worrying about loss of job.
Well it was signed by Bill Clinton in 1993, so that's 23 years now. I can't imagine people not knowing about and what options are available to them. It's not like this is something new.
Agree, it's never easy, but it provides the time off without worrying about loss of job.
You'd be surprised at the number of people who don't know this benefit may be available to them. I work for a company with over 1,000 people in one location and the HR department will give you info, but you have to know to ask for it.
You live 600 miles away...not much you can do anyway.
That's incorrect. Aid for the elderly in most states is organized at the county level. The first thing the OP should do is google the name of the mother's county plus the phrase "assistance for the elderly." It should bring up the name of the county-level authority that coordinates elder care.
In this country there are millions of vulnerable elders living alone far from family members. The government (that so many Americans think of as evil) does its best in most places to provide care for these needy people and support for their families. Funds may be cut to the bone but in most places caring people have tried to coordinate help and people who live far from their parents can access it.
For example, in Pennsylvania, the Allegheny County Area Agency on Aging coordinates care. The University of Pittsburgh Medical Center also runs an Institute on Aging to provide evaluations, advice, and support to elders and their families. In Arizona, where I now live, the Pima County Council on Aging provides similar services. I was able to schedule meetings through them with a social worker who gave me tons of information on services available to my elderly, disabled mother who lives near Tucson.
The social worker got me a meeting with an attorney specializing in the legal needs of the elderly. For a voluntary donation I met with him for the better part of an hour and he went over all of my mother's legal paperwork including her powers of attorney, property deeds, her will, etc. He gave me advice on how she could improve those things to her financial advantage. They also provided me with information about accessing Meals on Wheels, got me an occupational health therapist who measured her an acquired on her behalf a properly sized walker and investigated her home to make it physically safer for her, etc.
If I were the OP, I would schedule a visit to my mother's home but before I went I would contact agencies by phone and set up meetings to get my mother the help she obviously needs. It's easy for parents to argue with their children, but harder for them to ignore advice from legal and medical experts.
Well it was signed by Bill Clinton in 1993, so that's 23 years now. I can't imagine people not knowing about and what options are available to them. It's not like this is something new.
Agree, it's never easy, but it provides the time off without worrying about loss of job.
Even when you know about FMLA, it may not be as easy as it should be to receive it. A number of years ago I was asked by my MIL & SIL to fly 1,000 miles to assist them in providing the best care for my FIL who was in a skilled nursing facility receiving rehab. (I guess that they needed a "take charge person" who knew what they were doing to evaluate the situation, "insist" on setting up a care plan meeting with the staff & getting him the services that he required).
I only asked to take off one week of work but I had to get the union & the union's attorney involved before my bosses would approved it because he was my father-in-law. Luckily, our state said that in-laws were covered.
I also took time off when my husband had cancer, which was essential to his care & recovery.
Of course, while your job is still there, it can be quite difficult for people who are barely surviving to take a lot of time off without pay. It just shows how important it is to try to build a healthy emergency fund.
Even when you know about FMLA, it may not be as easy as it should be to receive it. A number of years ago I was asked by my MIL & SIL to fly 1,000 miles to assist them in providing the best care for my FIL who was in a skilled nursing facility receiving rehab. (I guess that they needed a "take charge person" who knew what they were doing to evaluate the situation, "insist" on setting up a care plan meeting with the staff & getting him the services that he required).
I only asked to take off one week of work but I had to get the union & the union's attorney involved before my bosses would approved it because he was my father-in-law. Luckily, our state said that in-laws were covered.
I also took time off when my husband had cancer, which was essential to his care & recovery.
Of course, while your job is still there, it can be quite difficult for people who are barely surviving to take a lot of time off without pay. It just shows how important it is to try to build a healthy emergency fund.
Well that's because FMLA doesn't cover in-laws. It's covers parents, siblings, spouse, and children(adult or those under 18). If you read the guidelines it says that upfront.
Yes, it is important to build an emergency fund. I find most of the time the ones who don't(not all of course) seem to have two car notes, the latest Ipad or smart phone, and have a $5 Starbucks coffee every morning, to be the ones who don't have anything set aside for situations just like this.
You'd be surprised at the number of people who don't know this benefit may be available to them. I work for a company with over 1,000 people in one location and the HR department will give you info, but you have to know to ask for it.
It never occured to me that I could take a FMLA leave to help care for my mother until I researched it, found I qualified and submitted all the required paperwork. I thought it was used mostly for maternity leave and by people who had their own medical issues and needed time off. I've never known or heard about anyone that had taken this type of leave to help with an elderly parent. I could have taken a regular LOA, but that has no job protection. Another aspect of the FMLA is my company continues to pay their portion of my health benefits while I am on leave. One less thing to have to worry about! I am so grateful to have had this option.
I started the fmla paperwork last week so i wont be doing it at the end. Thanks.
Do you think you are going to be approved for it? I heard from other folks that the parent has to meet one of these "serious health conditions" (If she hasn't actually been diagnosed with dementia it may be a problem getting approved)
Serious Health Condition "Serious health condition" means an illness, injury, impairment, or physical or mental condition that involves:
any period of incapacity or treatment connected with inpatient care (i.e., an overnight stay) in a hospital, hospice, or residential medical care facility; or
a period of incapacity requiring absence of more than three calendar days from work, school, or other regular daily activities that also involves continuing treatment by (or under the supervision of) a health care provider; or
any period of incapacity due to pregnancy, or for prenatal care; or
any period of incapacity (or treatment therefore) due to a chronic serious health condition (e.g., asthma, diabetes, epilepsy, etc.); or
a period of incapacity that is permanent or long-term due to a condition for which treatment may not be effective (e.g., Alzheimer's, stroke, terminal diseases, etc.); or,
any absences to receive multiple treatments (including any period of recovery therefrom) by, or on referral by, a health care provider for a condition that likely would result in incapacity of more than three consecutive days if left untreated (e.g., chemotherapy, physical therapy, dialysis, etc.).
I'd be interested in hearing if your application is approved.
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