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My reasoning for having sister sign a simple IOU is more about the later than the now. She may pay it, but likely she won't. The note will make it an acknowledged debt that can be deducted from any estate years from now. It will also put her on informal notice not to try that again. Otherwise it can very easily be explained as just a gift from your Mother.
My reasoning for having sister sign a simple IOU is more about the later than the now. She may pay it, but likely she won't. The note will make it an acknowledged debt that can be deducted from any estate years from now. It will also put her on informal notice not to try that again. Otherwise it can very easily be explained as just a gift from your Mother.
66 is a Boomer. It's unreal reading this, OP's mom seems to have completely missed out on the 1960s and 70s, stuck somewhere in the 1950s. BTW - a 66 year old coworker who can write code in his sleep is one of my go to people regarding retirement planning matters. He may finally go for it ~ age 70.
In any case, good luck to the OP. I would not want the OP's life.
I agree with most of what people have said: power of attorney; all bills sent to you electronically; autopay; terminate all credit cards but one, which you alone will control.
I don't agree about the money your sister stole. It doesn't sound as though she had your mother's permission to make those charges at the time she made them, only that she had access to the joint account. Report the unauthorized use to the credit card company and the police and you may be able to get the charge taken off the account. That will likely result in your sister being prosecuted, which is what should happen.
If you and your mother don't want to do that, don't rely on your sister sending a check every month. If you want her to sign a promissory note make her set up autopay to your mother's account and put it on a schedule that pays it off in a reasonable time.
Oh yes, and get everything in order in preparation for your mother's death. Get her to a lawyer and get a will made, make sure you know where all the accounts are, get yourself and your sister (assuming you're the only two children) designated as beneficiaries on her accounts. 66 isn't old, but death is inevitable.
I agree the sister stole from the mother and that it should be reported. I also realize some families can't stomach having a family member prosecuted (which is one reason there is a significant amount of elder abuse in our country.) The suggestion to have sister set up autopay is a great idea!
Hire an accountant to cover the financials. that is what they do. It's a percentage fee .
Our relative chose a local bank that carried this feature. Each month all bills were tallied and an approval statement was signed. The bank worked wonders on catching any mistakes . Worth considering.
And yes, take the sibling to court. She pays all cost when you are awarded the win. Or rather your mom wins.
You need to decide what role you ultimately want to play in this "new life" of yours. In my opinion, you need to go "all in" or walk away, as anything else would continue to stress you out and make you travel in circles....not that the other alternatives aren't stressful. I don't know your entire story, but if $8,000 in the grand scheme of things is nothing monetarily, then it's strictly a familial moral dilemma on your hands. I don't know you history with your sister, but one path can easily lead to a family split. That's something I genuinely avoid wholeheartedly, as even though my brother doesn't do much to help in comparison, I'll take anything he can give me. Not a knock on my brother whom I love, but he's honestly a clueless truck driver who can't really intellectually face life and just can't help me with most things. Parents are 86 & 84, I'm 56 and my brother is 60.
In my parents case, I have taken over their finances, health proxies, legal issues, pretty much everything. I am involved in both their medical lives, regularly going to appointments with them and sitting in. Being a CPA myself, lucky for me I find taking care of finances fairly simple. I just use Quicken, online banking, track everything. At least my Mom looks at bills before I take them, although she doesn't really concentrate on them. My Dad with dementia used to do all the finances, and now he can't do anything.
Very complicated. You need to choose what's best for you and your family, and add up all the advice you get and mold it all into a path you believe in.
Either you have complete access and control of the accounts and all the tools you need (online banking, POAs, them taking you to the bank and adding you to accounts and introducing you to their banker and investment broker and attorney and doctor and anyone else important) or walk away.
It is MADDENING to try to help someone but be hobbled by bureaucracy or secrecy or paranoia. You will spend more time chasing rabbits and trying to undo damage than you will actually accomplishing anything else.
Thanks to everyone who replied. So much to consider. I am definitely encouraging her to set up spending limits on her new credit card and get notifications texted. I am considering walking away from all of this and perhaps letting a bank manage her expenses for her like someone else mentioned. There's other family drama beyond my mom and I'm frankly worn out with it all.
Quote:
Originally Posted by BayAreaHillbilly
66 is a Boomer. It's unreal reading this, OP's mom seems to have completely missed out on the 1960s and 70s, stuck somewhere in the 1950s. BTW - a 66 year old coworker who can write code in his sleep is one of my go to people regarding retirement planning matters. He may finally go for it ~ age 70.
In any case, good luck to the OP. I would not want the OP's life.
I know it and definitely don't want my own life - my other friends don't have a parent that is this financially illiterate and it overwhelms me. I think my mom is mildly retarded.
To the lady who said my dad should pay the bills:
He's lost his marbles for years now and has been notably worse since chemo treatments. He sleeps in bed all day popping norcos, edible marijuana, refuses to shower and is too lazy to prepare his own meals. It's a messed up situation.
Have a poa if she will agree if not maybe with her visit an attorney to get one- Her bills are not your problem but they need to be paid
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