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So if you are co owners of the house, tell him you want x number of dollars contributed by both of you to a joint checking account monthly to pay for taxes, upkeep, maintenace of the house. If he complains, tell him he can buy out your half or you want the house sold. Find an investor who will rent it back to your brother if he is so determined to stay in the house.
Stop thinking he will come to his senses. He has MS, some people afflicted with it get cognitive issues that don't get better.
This was 'sent' unsigned in a rep comment so I guess I am supposed to answer here?
"Do you ever get mad at your mother for leaving you both the house? No snarkyness intended, just wondering. "
No, I don't even understand the question.
I don't understand the question either. Why in the world would someone get upset that their late mother left her house equally to both of her children?
IMHO, it would have been more unfair, and more upsetting, to leave the house to only one of her children forgetting about their other child.
Last edited by germaine2626; 09-23-2018 at 04:25 PM..
The house is half yours, so maintenance of the exterior & yard, to keep it up for the benefit of the community, should be your responsibility.
Of all your problems that is the easiest to take care of.
In a way, that seems logical, but the brother is living in the jointly owned house for free (while the OP needs to pay rent on her own apartment), the brother makes/made $1,000 a month more in income than the OP and at least at some point had more in savings than the OP, AND the brother needs to "spend down" all of his savings to $2,000 to qualify for Medicaid.
When you look at all of those things it does not seem fair that the brother is refusing to pay for any lawn care for the house that he is living in (for free). Why should the lawn care be sole responsibility for the OP? Now, I could picture sharing the expense, if it was necessary, but I can see why the OP doesn't think that it is fair that she pays the full amount. If it was me, I wouldn't think that it was fair either.
Of course, you are right that if the OP wants to avoid fines by the city and a possible lien on the property she will need to make sure that the lawn is cut if her brother is refusing to arrange to have it done and pay for it (or to pay for part of it)..
Last edited by germaine2626; 09-23-2018 at 04:45 PM..
The house is half yours, so maintenance of the exterior & yard, to keep it up for the benefit of the community, should be your responsibility.
Of all your problems that is the easiest to take care of.
I agree this is the easiest part, as is calling pest control and the housekeeper and writing checks to all these people.
I think you are missing the nuances. Anything we do to enable him is a bad thing. We're cleaning up the 'scene of the crime' for when APS comes. There is a lot more involved than just taking care of the lawn issue.
It plays right into his hands to do it. If he holds out long enough, refusing to do things, someone will eventually do it for him. 'It' being EVERYTHING. Something we are not trying to encourage and reinforce.
Think about that neighbor guy who isn't wanting to be at his beck and call anymore but has not totally walked away.
In his shoes, having been doing that for a living, I presume he kept his awesome riding mower for his own lawn. I don't know the name of the kind but it allows him to do the yard really fast. That would be the single easiest thing for him to do and he isn't doing it.
From 2 doors down, ride over there and shoopy shoop it. The very easiest thing for him personally TO do. Out of all the things. It was discussed right in front of him. My sister asked my brother (not that guy of course) why is the lawn up to my shoulders?
I guess he might have sold it along with all the other equipment when he sold the business. And whoever he sold it to does hims now, it just seems doubtful to me to rely for the rest of his life on someone else for that task.
Anyway, GD it, APS could help him find a service for disabled people. So far I only found one for seniors, but they have a bigger data-base, as does 211.
He can't keep staying home or going home and refuse to even allow non family and friend help! It's freaking retarded. Using a program doesn't give him the love and devotion aspect I guess. That is all I can figure after almost 4 years of this crap.
'Brother, you need this and that service'. 'No, I don't'. Then he sends a mass text to the family asking for whatever the service I tried to hook him up with would do.
I listened to all the APS messages after they came the first time. We are calling about those ramps you need. Etc. and so forth. Nope, he wants my cousin to do the ramps. The service coming to make the ramps doesn't bring loving and devoted family over for freaking attention to be paid. I guess. IDK.
Or he wants to pay the cousin and prove that he is capable of doing so - handling things himself. So my sister is like THEN HANDLE THE YARD.
OMG I just got a message he just needs to get stronger and he's going home again. I knew it. IDK why he keeps saying he's going in permanently to people. I wish the new home care company good luck with that. I guess my sister and I are out of his hair since he fired her. The only bad part about that is sister has been trying to shield my father but she is working on him still to step back. Time will tell.
The lawn is done. I guess it wasn't money he just wasn't dedicated to find a service until the threat from the city came. That is another thing I said to my sister. HE LIES ABOUT MONEY. He has it hidden away in LLCs and brokerage accounts that he won't touch because stock market and mail order brides await.
She can't believe anyone would live in roaches and filth if they had the money to hire pest control and a house keeper. Well, believe it now. It's happening.
Yes, I do "get" the nuances, the enabling, and all of it. I agree that he needs to handle whatever is going on INSIDE the house with pest control etc. However, the outside yard (which is now mowed apparently) became a public nuisance. Why should the neighbors have to put up with an overgrown lawn -- and not just the appearance but the pests etc that come with it) while you are in a "standoff" with your brother?
Everyone who has their house exterior in disrepair has a "story." Your family is no different. Don't make others suffer for that.
Why do you post here, jencam? This is a serious question. Do you really just want to vent? Or is there an actual question or issue you want help with? It seems to be the former, because you just won't listen to the advice people here are giving here. At the macro level, we all know you need to step back and stop enabling your brother and stop letting him wind you up. At the micro level, on this issue, you really need to force him to buy out your half of the house and just leave it to him.
If you just want to vent, may we suggest the Adventures In Caregiving thread or a blog? Just don't understand why you post the same story, different details here without any resolution.
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