I'm reading this at work, trying not to cry.
My 19 year old girl, Mocha, will be making her final trip to the vet today. Up until the last week or so she has been doing really well. Eating, drinking, using the litter box as she should, even playing a game of fetch now and then. But, this past week she just seemed to take a turn for the worse. She is very lathargic, it seems to be a struggle to get her back legs working. Yesterday she just peed where she was laying. I knew it was time. Then this morning when she refused to eat for the first time I can ever remember in her 19 years, I took that as a confirmation.
10 years ago I had a 15 year old cat who developed mega colon. She very quickly went downhill but I couldn't bear to let her go, I couldn't make that decision. She died at home, and it was far from peaceful or dignified. Had I been able to do it over I would have chose to euthanize her before she got so bad. I vowed to always pay attention to my other cats as they aged, and to watch for the right signs to know when the right time is, before it goes too far.
I went through the same thing about 18 months ago with another 19 year old cat I had. It's the hardest thing to have to do, but it's also the best thing you can do for them.
I know she had a great life, she couldn't have been more loved than she has been with me. She's always been my girl. It's bittersweet; we are moving to a new place this weekend and it will be the first place I have lived without her since 1995. She loved to explore a new place, snooping around in corners and scoping out her new favorite spot.
It'll be like I am leaving her behind.