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Thank you all (and reps to all I can) for your kind comments.
Annie SEEMED to be coping better on Friday (I was home all day so could watch her closely and give her lots of cuddes and treats) so I was able to postpone the inevitable. Today, Saturday, she seems OK (not great, but I know that's not going to happen any more, but she's definitely not miserable and totally confused either) -- a little while ago I gave her a treat in a little Fiesta fruit bowl on the sofa in the TV room, and she loved that, then a few minutes later she jumped down and went to use the litter box. I have also seen her make her way to the food and water bowls several times, and to the heater, so she is not 100% confused, at least not today.
I will be home all day today and tomorrow, then I teach my last classes of the semester on Monday and Tuesday so will be on campus part of the day but will come straight home (I live just 5 minutes away). Depending on how she seems between now and Tuesday, I will make the difficult decision.
Unfortunately, my vet office (which has 2 vets that I like very much) hasn't done house calls for euthanasia since Covid. The good thing is that I live just 3 minutes from the office, and on goodbye days, I always ask if I can come 15-30 minutes early so I can be in a room by myself with the kitty for awhile before the vet comes in. I get them calm and settled, cuddle them, whatever they need. I will do that with Annie too (will bring a treat for her too since she loves treats), whenever it ends up being.
I suspect I will be losing Gretel within the next few weeks or months as well. This is what happens when you adopt several kittens over a few years -- they grow old together. They are SO worth it but as you all know, it is SO painful to lose them. Gretel is Hansel's twin (I kept their Humane Society names) so she turned 17 a month ago. She's the one who decided more than a decade ago that she wanted to be an "only kitty" so she lives in the master "suite" (a large room plus a small room totaling 25' x 13'6") -- I visit her several times a day (she's usually sleeping so I quietly leave!) and cuddle with her every night. She's just gotten very frail and the vet thinks she has a tumor -- it doesn't appear to be causing her any pain right now, so we are just taking it day by day.
Anyway, thank you again for your kindness and suggestions. They mean a lot to me.
Karen I'm just dropping in from the Dog sub forum to give you a big {{{{hug}}} and thank you for your reply to my similar post over there.
I had 2 cats that lived to 18 and 21 years respectively and I feel for you. I'm wondering if Annie has had her renal values checked? Tigger (my 18 yr. old) had CRF - one of his symptoms was missing the litter box too.
I treated him with sub cutaneous fluids for awhile, but eventually I had to make the tough decision to have him euthanized.
I'm glad to hear she's perked up a bit and I sincerely hope she continues to improve. Personally I wouldn't have her euthanized because she's cognitively impaired, but I would be concerned if she has CRF.
Karen, I wish you well at this difficult time. Our cats are more than friends; they are family, and it is always difficult to say goodbye to a family member.
"Annie" is a great name, by the way. As you may recall, I had an Annie too. Annies are special cats. Know that my thoughts are with you and your Annie.
I had Annie euthanized this afternoon, about an hour ago. She basically got worse over the weekend -- lots of sitting in the middle of the room staring into space, yowling, clearly not knowing where she was or what was going on. She kept letting me pick her up and cuddle her for several minutes at a time (that's unusual for her -- usually she got squirmy after about a minute), and that was wonderful for me and seemed to calm her. Her litter mate Berkeley hung out with her some, but these days he is usually in the living room where the pellet fire is going and Annie couldn't go there because she wouldn't have had any idea where she was.
I was able to go to the vet about half an hour early so I could be with her quietly in a room for a while. Because she is blind and deaf, she didn't know where she was, but she definitely knew I was right there with her so she did not seem scared at all. I gave her a Fancy Feast salmon treat and she loved that. I cuddled her a lot and just petted her, and she took it all and licked my nose (she did that a lot when I cuddled her) and purred a lot. And then the vet came in and did what had to be done (I know that rationally) and then Annie died.
And having her in my life was a total joy for almost 16 years, and I know that, and I know someday that will bring me comfort. But right now I am heartbroken and numb and will likely be sleeping in the next half-hour. Sleep, my great escape ...
Thank you, Karen, for sharing these difficult moments with us. It sounds like Annie had a good end, a good death as we called it in hospice. And in the end, that's all any of us can ask for when our time here is finished. Whether we're cat caretakers or the cat who's being taken care of.
It's always a privilege and an honor to care for loved ones. Annie was blind and deaf, that's a rough reward for living a long life.
She'll be waiting for you, Karen. She'll see you and hear you and lick your nose and cuddle with you and love you so much.
I dread the day I have to make that decision on my purrbabies. I found this online somewhere:
My dear human,
I see that you are crying, because it is my time to leave. Don’t cry please. I want to explain some things to you.
You are sad that I am gone, but I am glad I met you.
How many dogs and cats and birds like me die every day without meeting someone special like you?
I know you are saddened by my departure, but I had to go now.
I want to ask you not to blame yourself for anything. I heard you sob saying that you should have done something else for me. Don't say that, you've done a lot for me! Without you I would not have known anything of the beauty that I carry with me today.
You should know that animals live intensely in the present and we are very wise: we enjoy every little thing every day, and we quickly forget the bad past.
Our life begins when we know love, the same love you gave me, my angel without wings and without two legs.
Know that even if you find a seriously injured animal, and that you only have a little time left in this world, you are still doing it enormously by accompanying you through your final transition.
None of us like to be alone, except when we realize that it is time to leave.
No more crying, please. I will be happy. I have in memory the name you gave me, the warmth of your house that in this time became mine. I take the sound of your voice talking to me, even if I don't always understand what you were saying.
I carry in my heart every touch you gave me.
Everything you did was very valuable to me and I thank you infinitely, I don't know how to tell you, because I don't speak your language, but surely you could see my gratitude in my eyes.
I'm only going to ask you for two favors. Wash your face and start smiling.
Remember how well we lived together in these moments, remember the antics I did to cheer you up.
Relive as I do all the good that we share in this time.
And do not say that you will not adopt another animal, because you have suffered a lot with my departure. Without you I would not live the beauties that I lived.
Please do not do it. There are many like me waiting for someone like you.
Give them what you gave me, please, they need it like I needed you.
Do not keep the love you have to give, for fear of suffering.
Take my advice, value the good you share with each of us, recognizing that you are an angel to us animals, and that without people like you our life would be harder than it sometimes is.
Follow your noble task, now it's my turn to be your angel.
I will accompany you on your way and help you to help others like me.
I will talk to other animals that are here with me, I will tell them everything they have done for me and I will point and say with pride: "that's my family."
Tonight, when you look at the sky and see a blinking star, I want you to know that it is me blinking one eye; telling you that I arrived safely and saying "thank you for the love you gave me".
Now I say goodbye not saying "goodbye", but "see you later."
There is a special heaven for people like you, the heaven where we go and life rewards us by making us meet there.
I am saddened to hear of Annie's passing. Please know, and be comforted by, all her last days with you. You made her as comfortable as she could be, and when the time came, you were there with her. She wasn't alone. I'm sure that she was reassured by your presence at the vet's, and went to her rest peacefully.
I am sure that Snackmaster's post brings you a lot of comfort. It certainly does to me; as you know, I've lost cats before, and I'm sure that if they could speak Human, that's what they'd say. Thank you, Snackmaster, for such a wonderful post.
And Karen, know that Annie is waiting for you, the same way my Annie is waiting for me. You and your Annie; and my Annie and me, will be reunited in good time. I am sure of that.
Be easy on yourself, Karen. Grieve, and remember her, and move forward, knowing that you had a most extraordinary cat, whom you will meet again. Because you will. Your mutual love will make sure that you do.
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very very very sad update
