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Well, while everyone is trying to understand this horrible kid, meanwhile there is a kid that has not been even touched upon...the kid that this happened to. You certainly don't want HIM to grow up thinking that this kind of behaviour is ok (maybe that is the root of the perpetrator's behaviour) nor do you want him to think that people can threaten his life and nobody cares. If the school will not act quickly to remove that child and place him in an "alternative" school where he can get the help that he needs, then, the victim needs to be removed. You know that once they are on the playground, the same threats...adding the one "tell anyone and you are dead" will be said and maybe other kids will join in because that kid "snitched". This is the beginning of the school year. Our victim will not have a chance. This is a really bad situation that requires a parent to constantly monitor it. We can discuss/argue what the reasoning behind that child's obvious anger issues and why he is "picking" on someone weaker, but, my worry is with the victim in all this. As one other poster said, this can leave serious scars and it needs to be dealt with.
The fact that people pass this off as "it's just kids" or "it's just some simple bullying...we know it's bad, but let's just give them a verbal warning and hope it never comes back again" is why parents and kids don't take it seriously. I hate to be the one to stir "what if's," but what do you think people thought about the Columbine kids?
Bullying is "hey that's the fat kid, let's tell fat jokes" or "your momma _________"....maybe even a simple fist fight. It is not threatening (in relatively vivid detail) to kill someone..let alone after a racial slur toward the kid (as already stated, this would have been blown 100 miles out of the water by now had the racism been reversed).
The laissez faire attitude people take towards disciplining kids these days is sickening and is probably the sole reason we have more and more nut-jobs who make these threats into actions.
What would you do if you knew you'd only get a warning each and every time you were pulled over for speeding on the highway?
Well, while everyone is trying to understand this horrible kid, meanwhile there is a kid that has not been even touched upon...the kid that this happened to. You certainly don't want HIM to grow up thinking that this kind of behaviour is ok (maybe that is the root of the perpetrator's behaviour) nor do you want him to think that people can threaten his life and nobody cares. If the school will not act quickly to remove that child and place him in an "alternative" school where he can get the help that he needs, then, the victim needs to be removed. You know that once they are on the playground, the same threats...adding the one "tell anyone and you are dead" will be said and maybe other kids will join in because that kid "snitched". This is the beginning of the school year. Our victim will not have a chance. This is a really bad situation that requires a parent to constantly monitor it. We can discuss/argue what the reasoning behind that child's obvious anger issues and why he is "picking" on someone weaker, but, my worry is with the victim in all this. As one other poster said, this can leave serious scars and it needs to be dealt with.
I totally agree w/ what you have posted, ChiCubs. If IMPRESSIONIST's son starts internalizing - rather than discussing - and feels no one can help him (and that he has no recourse and no way out) just think of the harm this will do. It is bad enuff to feel one has no POWER to affect a situation as an adult; it is very troubling as a child to feel that even the trusted adults in one's life have no power to address a situation. Now that is a terrible message to send a child in his formative years. And frankly, I am a lot more concerned about this child than the perpetrator.
There may have been a time . . . when I was in my 20s and starting out in life . . . when I believed that working w/ disturbed children (talk therapy, re-directing, etc) was effective. Sorry. I don't anymore. Not after all I have experienced both as a parent and as a professional. I know everyone wants to believe we can "turn children around" and I am not going to argue about it. Read the stats. Very few disturbed children are "turned around." However, the damage they leave in their wake, not only as children, but as teens and then as adults, is quite clearly documented. Yes, we must work w/ all of them in hopes that any of them can be "turned around." New coping skills, new values, etc. could possibly influence their lives. Any chance of helping troubled kids b/cm contributing, stable adults is a worthwhile goal. Thank God for therapists.
But let's face the facts: Our penal system is full of these bully kids - and guess where they came from? From the classrooms and playgrounds where our kids have to deal w/ them starting at a very early age.
I had a very different situation w/ my kids and school. We had neighborhood schools and b/c I lived in an area saturated w/ above median income families and well-educated parents, incidences such as the ones described by Impressionist just did not occur. The bullying was more on the level of bullying b/c of popular vs. unpopular cliques . . . the sports star vs. the geek. There was a zero tolerance policy. Anti-social kids who acted out stuck out like a sore thumb and were rare. That is not the situation w/ CMS. As I said b/f . . . the same kids who have been doing the home invasions and putting guns up to people's heads were in the CMS system recently . . . as the thugs around here are more often than not in the 18-21 y/o range.
So anyone who doesn't think there is cause to worry here . . . perhaps you just have not seen what goes on close up. Take a look at the CMPD mug shots and think to yourself . . . whose kid got the brunt of that kid's anger when he was in the fifth grade?
This makes me want to homeschool my kids-- but then, there are bullies in the work force too.
All I know is, repeated "warnings" do not stop these bullies or modify their behavior and I agree with Ani, I don't think redirecting works. I almost think this world has become too politically correct about parents spanking their kids who need it and it leads to out of control kids who are not afraid of "time outs" or "warnings" in school. The same way that kicking kids out of school just sends them to a life of crime on the streets. there MUST be a better solution.
(BTW I don't like the idea of spanking....but there is a huge difference between spanking and abuse.....and it seems to me the bullying and bad behavior has gotten worse, the more politically correct we have become about raising our kids where spanking is wrong, spoiling is common, and truly scary offenders- such as what the original poster describes- somehow get away with communicating threats with just warnings. I agree w/ the othr poster- bullying is namecalling or maybe shoving but the explicit, graphic threat from the bullying child this thread is about is nothing short of.....a HUGE RED FLAG)
Well, while everyone is trying to understand this horrible kid, meanwhile there is a kid that has not been even touched upon...the kid that this happened to. You certainly don't want HIM to grow up thinking that this kind of behaviour is ok...
THANKS!!!!
The underlying issue in this thread seems to be the disentigration of parenting - If this boy got the love and respect he deserved at home he wouldnt be doing this!
If you think about it though - If parents who cared stayed in the public school system, CMS wouldnt have such a bad rap. If everyone gave their private institution money to the public schools instead, everyone from the students to the teachers would benefit.
With that said, as far as my son, he is capable of throwing a punch and he knows he can if he has too (in this case). We have also told him that even if this boy looks at him funny to tell someone immediately.
We have had him in the this same school though since K and I am not ready to abandon ship because of one 9 year old boy. (Just yet anyway)
I will be taking a very active approach in overseeing that this never happens again. I may not call police, or homeschool him or the other suggestions - (Just yet) but I agree with all that you are saying and appreciate all the concern out here!!!!
The underlying issue in this thread seems to be the disentigration of parenting - If this boy got the love and respect he deserved at home he wouldnt be doing this!
If you think about it though - If parents who cared stayed in the public school system, CMS wouldnt have such a bad rap. If everyone gave their private institution money to the public schools instead, everyone from the students to the teachers would benefit.
With that said, as far as my son, he is capable of throwing a punch and he knows he can if he has too (in this case). We have also told him that even if this boy looks at him funny to tell someone immediately.
We have had him in the this same school though since K and I am not ready to abandon ship because of one 9 year old boy. (Just yet anyway)
I will be taking a very active approach in overseeing that this never happens again. I may not call police, or homeschool him or the other suggestions - (Just yet) but I agree with all that you are saying and appreciate all the concern out here!!!!
THANKS!!!
Good luck. One last note, it has been shown in many studies that pouring money intoa public school does not help academics, race relations, or improve national assessment scores. Kids are generally not concerned with the maintenance factors. The success of a school is contengent on the support of the parents, the community, reasonable comfort within, and the quality of teachers and administrators. If these factors are in place, the school will turn out successful students even if it is in a one room log cabin.
After rereading your son's story that he told you, I believe that you took the words that he said, and made them a little more serious. Are you upset that the school didn't do enough and you want our opinions to back you up?
After rereading your son's story that he told you, I believe that you took the words that he said, and made them a little more serious. Are you upset that the school didn't do enough and you want our opinions to back you up?
How serious is this, and how serious are you?
Excuse me, Pissant, as I do not mean to offend you, but are you from the Charlotte area? Cause if you aren't, the chances you have a clue about Impressionist's situation is about ZERO.
Heavens! This thread is giving me the vapors! If it were my baby done to, I would have called on Uncle Guido to call on his friends! No that's too far up (flipping personal phone book to "Providence Friends"). Uncle Silas and Cousin Bubba are closer...hmmmmmm!
Seriously, I'm on the fence on this, but dear darling daughter as a 2nd grader was pinned to the wall at recess by a 3rd grader boy who after repeated warnings (from her) refused to let her go. She "accidentally" jerked her knee and hit him in the unmentionables, so he goes crying to the teacher on duty at recess on the playground. Teacher leaves a voice mail and sends me a long e-mail following that. Two hours of conversation on the phone after hours cleared her of a possible suspension. While we outwardly told her to not always take matters into her hands, we silently cheered her ability to defend herself. Might I say, teacher is commendable for going out of her way, outside of normal business hours to resolve the issue. Needless to say, nobody approached her in the same manner again.
Heavens! This thread is giving me the vapors! If it were my baby done to, I would have called on Uncle Guido to call on his friends! No that's too far up (flipping personal phone book to "Providence Friends"). Uncle Silas and Cousin Bubba are closer...hmmmmmm!
Seriously, I'm on the fence on this, but dear darling daughter as a 2nd grader was pinned to the wall at recess by a 3rd grader boy who after repeated warnings (from her) refused to let her go. She "accidentally" jerked her knee and hit him in the unmentionables, so he goes crying to the teacher on duty at recess on the playground. Teacher leaves a voice mail and sends me a long e-mail following that. Two hours of conversation on the phone after hours cleared her of a possible suspension. While we outwardly told her to not always take matters into her hands, we silently cheered her ability to defend herself. Might I say, teacher is commendable for going out of her way, outside of normal business hours to resolve the issue. Needless to say, nobody approached her in the same manner again.
I've tried hard not to comment on this thread, but I had to after reading your post Bibit! I say "You go girl!!" to your daughter for standing up for herself. Good for her to not be victimized! You have done well to give her that confidence. I also don;t think taking matters into their own hands is always best for kids, but in this case it sounds like she did a great job defending herself! I hope the OP gets a good response from the school when she addresses the incident her son had. If it was my kid I would freak out!
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