progressive 30's single trapped in the western suburbs (Chicago, Aurora: apartment, college)

[maestrajj]

Hello! I've posted before on similar topics...but I thought I'd try giving the whole picture to see if I might get some more insights. Thank you in advance for being willing to share.

I am a progressive, immature 38 single living in Naperville. I've lived here and Aurora most of my life...as well as brief stints in Chicago and Ohio. I work in Aurora.

Marriage, divorce, personal situations, and laziness have kept me here.

I am very unhappy here. I find that it is very difficult to find immature, progressive, singles to hang out with. I get to the city as often as possible. I've taken improv classes there in order to cultivate some friendships and experience a little of the city.

So I'm deciding where to move next. Finding a new job may be an option in the future, but it is not a good one right now.

I am shocked by the number of posts on how great Naperville is for singles. I don't, personally, know anyone in Naperville who would agree with that. I have lived here most of my life. Naperville is a place for families. Yes, the downtown is great. But Fridays and Saturdays the bars are overflowing with college students and late 20's. There are maybe 2 bars for older folks. There are great pricey restaurants as well. Besides, I'm not just looking for bars. But I'm also not looking for churches. That's pretty much the line in Naperville when you're single: "Why don't you check out the singles groups at one of the churches?"

I love the people I meet in the city. I love the unconventional. I love new and interesting ideas. I love the number of singles!

So do I pick a suburb and just spend as much time in the city as possible? I found an apartment in Ukranian Village...but then chickened out due the commute.

I think the Fox River area (St. Charles & Geneva) areas are beautiful. They have the river, the winding roads...that Naperville and Aurora don't. But they are even further from the city.

I have tried - and continue to try - online dating. More than once I've contacted a city dweller only to receive the reply ' "Sorry, you live to faraway."

I feel trapped...just getting older...1)single with prospects dwindling 2)not much to stimulate me in the meantime.

Thank you for your KIND remarks and insights.

[ofcjim40]

You just posted the exact same thing on the Chicago forum but in that title you called yourself Liberal and in this one Progressive. Not sure what you hope to gain from the double posting.

[Diws]

So move, and do the reverse commute. If you are unhappy in your current situation, remember that no one is going to change it for you.. you just have to decide if the hassle and risk of moving outweighs your current unhappiness. At the same time, 'anywhere you go, there you are'; with the semi tongue-in-cheek remarks about immaturity, I have to wonder to what extent you are your own worst enemy. Just my impression.

[maestrajj]

I'm sorry I reached out for advice. I didn't realize what kind of "community" this was.

[Diws]

Nothing personal intended, and you did ask in a public place. I really did intend for my remark to be constructive.

I do empathise with the 'artsey but in the suburbs' dilemma, though I am certainly not liberal.

The bottom line is that in order to effect change one has to make a leap sometimes.. but that if there are other issues contributing to one's unhappiness, whatever they might be, then a change of zip code, as OfcJim put it, may not be adequate.

[Vasily]

Originally Posted by maestrajj

I'm sorry I reached out for advice. I didn't realize what kind of "community" this was.

No offense, but I looked at your earlier posts and you were posting here a year ago asking for advice on where you should live. I don't think it's clear to those of us who read this post what you're looking for ... someone to make a decision for you? Someone to back up whatever undefined decision you're mulling over? Emotional support?

When you write:

I am very unhappy here. I find that it is very difficult to find immature, progressive, singles to hang out with.

it comes across as a troll, particularly juxtaposing "immature" and "progressive". Which is to say, it sounds like you're saying something provocative to get the fur flying. I suspect that's why you're getting certain kinds of responses.

If you're unhappy with where you live, move somewhere else. You wrote in a thread a year ago:

But what what would you suggest for someone like me (37, single, progressive) who works way out in Aurora? I'm dying to live in the city...but the threads I've read have definitely said that that is not the way to go.

That sounds pretty much like the same place you're at today. You'll need to look inside yourself and decide if your unhappiness has deeper roots; if so, you'd be better off finding a good therapist or personal coach to help you dig through those roots and make some changes. My guess is you're not going to find what you're looking for (or what you're needing) in these forums.

[whakru]

Originally Posted by Vasily

No offense, but I looked at your earlier posts and you were posting here a year ago asking for advice on where you should live. I don't think it's clear to those of us who read this post what you're looking for ... someone to make a decision for you? Someone to back up whatever undefined decision you're mulling over? Emotional support?

When you write:



it comes across as a troll, particularly juxtaposing "immature" and "progressive". Which is to say, it sounds like you're saying something provocative to get the fur flying. I suspect that's why you're getting certain kinds of responses.

If you're unhappy with where you live, move somewhere else. You wrote in a thread a year ago:

That sounds pretty much like the same place you're at today. You'll need to look inside yourself and decide if your unhappiness has deeper roots; if so, you'd be better off finding a good therapist or personal coach to help you dig through those roots and make some changes. My guess is you're not going to find what you're looking for (or what you're needing) in these forums.

Well said and I agree completely!

[Nodpete]

I think "immature" is the operative word in the OP's post !