Social scene non-existent for late 30ies and up? (Chicago, Time: home, neighborhoods)

[serendipity30]

Just moved back to Chicago for a job after being gone for 2yrs..When I first moved here at 35 I found the social scene to be good but now that I moved back at age 40 and single I am feel that once you enter your late 30ies in this city, there's not much socially for that age range. It seems like a city geared for 20-early 30 somethings. Most of my friends have moved away since I moved back and some have married. Does anyone else feel this way about Chicago?

I never found the dating scene to be great the first time around and now it seems more frightening than ever. There has got to be some way to meet single available age appropriate men and make some new friends too. I signed up for Meetup groups but the activities schedule never work with my schedule. I belong to a gym, and again it's full of late 20ies early 30ies people. I hang out in all parts of the city and I find the same thing, whether it be starbucks, book store or grocery store..young young young, even the charity events are 20-30 somethings with a few older folks scattered in....When I visit NYC I find just the opposite or at least a very good mix of all ages young and old...Any thoughts or recommendations from others in this situation and what you did to turn it around? (and online dating in NOT an option as I have done it before and checked it out again since I've been back and there is no way I am taking that route again.)

thanks!

[emathias]

What part of the city are you in? I've lived in River North, the Gold Coast and Old Town for most of the past 13 years and I feel like I'm now about the average age (I turn 39 in a few weeks) in these parts.

I think a lot of people don't go to the gym past their late 30s because many people eventually set up home gyms (cheaper, more convenient in the long term) or drop out of going to the gym for a variety of reasons (schedule, mainly).

As far as charity events go, the less expensive charity events are often dominated by younger people, but more expensive events I've been to either have a good mix of people or have a good chunk of people in their 40s. It also depends on what the charity is about. "Cool" charities will have more younger people.

There also seem to be more mid-life people at events for things like the Symphony or Opera or the major Museums (with the exception of some of the events they specifically target to younger groups).

As far as informal social gatherings, restaurants I like going to that have a bar/lounge area mostly have people in their 40s getting drinks or eating at the bar. It's a more expensive and classier singles scene than Division, and with that a less-young demographic. I'm not even on the market, but I've talked to people in my (our) age-group just eating dinner at the bar in places like Naha, Bistro Zinc, Bistro Voltaire, Farmhouse, Prosecco, Flight 1551, Cafe Iberico, and others.

[sfcambridge]

Where are you living? Probably in a neighborhood of 20-30's year olds. Agree with emathias that certain areas skew a bit older.

But I definitely think it is a bit harder for woman once they hit the 40's, and I find that to be pretty universal if you are talking about the social/downtown "scene". New York, of course, is an outlier in everything so it's not fair to compare. Also, may I be frank.... Men in their 40's who are still part of that scene are not looking for women in their 40's. And woman who are in their 40's doing this... well, you probably don't want to know.

Time to start thinking about what your true hobbies are and how you really like spending your time, and participate in those activities and will meet folks through those. Also, you let you network of friends know you are open/interested and see what "referrals" come in. In other places I have lived, it was not as acceptable for people to date in their immediate work-place, but I see people doing this more often here then in other places I have been. Or maybe they did in other places, but they were just secretive about it. At my last job, my BOSS actually was trying to set me up with a co-worker. My personal opinion is that this is never a good thing, but seems to be more common here.

It does get rough as your friends start marrying and running away. But of course that happens at this age and with kids in tow, no one is going out. But they have friends/siblings/co-workers etc..

So start volunteering for organizations you believe in, networking at work-related conferences/events, joining dining out groups, book clubs, casual sports teams if you are an active type. You probably know the drill. But hoping to bump into a future match at Starbucks or Whole foods... well, does that really happen? I thought that was only on Seinfeld. Actually, I would think it is more likely you might meet someone commuting/on the train in Chicago.

I am an avid fan of the arts (esp. classical music/opera/theater/dance), but you do not meet people at such events. If someone says "excuse me" as they scoot by me on their way to my seat, I feel flattered by the social gesture. If you get my drift.

I'm sure others will have suggestions.

[emathias]

Originally Posted by sfcambridge

...
I am an avid fan of the arts (esp. classical music/opera/theater/dance), but you do not meet people at such events. If someone says "excuse me" as they scoot by me on their way to my seat, I feel flattered by the social gesture. If you get my drift.
...

I wouldn't expect to necessarily meet people at a regular concert at the CSO, but the CSO and other cultural institutions have other events in which socialization is a bigger part of things. For example the Pianoforte foundation has a series of concerts by various pianists that have before and after wine and cheese and conversation included in the price of the ticket.

[sfcambridge]

Originally Posted by emathias

I wouldn't expect to necessarily meet people at a regular concert at the CSO, but the CSO and other cultural institutions have other events in which socialization is a bigger part of things. For example the Pianoforte foundation has a series of concerts by various pianists that have before and after wine and cheese and conversation included in the price of the ticket.

Nice idea. I've found the occasional grandpa will chat at the classical music scene, but rarely what I think the OP is looking for. Although I think I know what a few of the opera grandpas were looking for... It's just a very old/skewed audience.

I think the series of happy hours at the Museum for Contemporary Art that I recall seeing in the past, with drinks and live jazz, seemed like a pretty nice scene.

First Fridays | Programs | MCA Chicago

[emathias]

Originally Posted by sfcambridge

Nice idea. I've found the occasional grandpa will chat at the classical music scene, but rarely what I think the OP is looking for. Although I think I know what a few of the opera grandpas were looking for... It's just a very old/skewed audience.

I think the series of happy hours at the Museum for Contemporary Art that I recall seeing in the past, with drinks and live jazz, seemed like a pretty nice scene.

First Fridays | Programs | MCA Chicago

First Fridays doesn't even have that many 30-somethings in attendance, let alone 40-somethings. :-)

I guess you and I run in difference classical music scenes, but most of the people I know into classical music are in their 30s, so I figure there must be plenty of people in their 40s into it, too. Then again, I suppose my sample is skewed because a lot of the people I know in the scene are performers and not necessarily exclusively patrons.

[ChiNaan]

I'm in my late 30's, and find that I end up socializing with people ranging in age from mid/late-20's to early-40's. It appears to me that there are not a lot of people beyond early 40's who are out and about being social in the city. (Then again, maybe there are and I just don't cross paths with them often.) I'm hoping this changes somewhat in the next several years as I reach that age.

I would agree that NYC and some of the other coastal cities seem to have more of a scene for singles (or just "young at heart" people) beyond the 20's/30's, though I would say Chicago still has more than most places in the U.S.

And while I won't try to talk you into it since you're clearly set against it, it's just a simple fact that you severely limit your dating pool by not doing online dating, unless you're in college or another setting where you just happen to be surrounded by thousands of single people your age.

[koctail]

It's the same people in online dating as in the real world. If you don't like online dating, the problem is with you. I would fix that instead of naively thinking people in the real world are going to be different.. People who are successful at dating use all methods.

[mjtinmemphis]

I'm in my 40's and have a vibrant social life in Chicago. I would go so far as saying its better than at any other point in my life.

As a gay Black male I found dating online to be an option for meeting quality people. You have to do some serious screening but it does work.

I live in Hydepark. Kenwood is known for having a lot of same sex Black couples. That trickles through Hydepark into the Southshore area as well. I've meet people waiting on the bus, Metra station and at grocery stores. Plus I'm a naturally outgoing. IMO, location maters. If I lived in one of the trendy neighborhoods up north, I don't think I would have the same testimony.

There is hope for you. When you get older you have to make adjustments in your social life.

[ChiNaan]

Originally Posted by koctail

It's the same people in online dating as in the real world.

Exactly, except way more of them (unless you're so social that you encounter hundreds of new single people every month in your regular life). That means more of the good ones, but also more of the bad ones. It can be easy to be overwhelmed by the bad ones and focus on them, especially if you don't know how to screen them out, but percentage-wise you're just as likely to encounter bad matches anywhere else you meet single people.