Spouses of consultants and others who travel for work? (Chicago: home, movies)

[LovesCatsandDogs]

There are a good number of large consulting firms in Chicago. Most of the employees travel about 85% of the time. My spouse traveled out-of-town 3 to 4 nights per week for years. 1 night a week or even 2 wasn't so bad but 3 or 4 was awful. I found it to be a weird life and did not like it. May have to do it again. Has anyone else been married to a traveling person for a long time (such as 6 to 10 years -- a couple of years is ok if you know it is not permanent)? Do you dislike it and if not, why? I do not have any family so if my spouse is gone -- I'm alone unless I can find a friend who wants to go out or hang out (which on Monday through Wed. nights is not so easy).

[dewthedru]

talk to my wife. i'm guessing she's got similar concerns. except she's got 3 kids to take care of while i'm gone.

[jlawrence01]

Originally Posted by LovesCatsandDogs

Has anyone else been married to a traveling person for a long time (such as 6 to 10 years -- a couple of years is ok if you know it is not permanent)? Do you dislike it and if not, why? I do not have any family so if my spouse is gone -- I'm alone unless I can find a friend who wants to go out or hang out (which on Monday through Wed. nights is not so easy).

My wife traveled 4+ nights per week for approximately eight years. In the last three years of that stint, I traveled 200+ nights per year.

At the time, it seemed to be pretty cool. Every week meant another city; with all of the frequent flyer miles, you get to take a lot of great vacations and the like.

However, if you really want a good marriage and a happy family life, it really requires that you spend some time with your spouse. And that means more than spending a couple of hours at the local airline lounge between flights.

When you are traveling on that kind of schedule, you miss so much. You can really not plan anything because you never know when you are going to make it back home, especially during the winter months. One year, I made plans for two family gatherings on a Friday night. Believe it or not, those were the only two times that year where I was stranded at O'Hare due to flight delays.

Personally, I would never have traveled if I had children as they need two parents at home. So many of my married co-workers with kids rarely saw their kids and most ended up divorced as a result of demands of the job.

If I answered this question fifteen years ago, I think my answer would be different. However, in hindsight, my wife and I consider those the "lost years."

[LovesCatsandDogs]

JLawrence01, I know exactly how you and your wife feel about the "lost years". My husband's travel became very heavy after our honeymoon so I spent the first 3 years of married life alone. We missed out on so much and you can never get it back or really make up for the lost experiences. The travel wore him out so he would come home for a few days and sleep and fly out at 5:30 a.m. Monday morning again. Also, he didn't want to travel for vacations because he traveled for work.
The last 6 years, he hasn't traveled and we find it so much healthier and better with both of us coming home at night.
I am surprised there are not more responses. Perhaps married people who travel for years are rarer than I realized?

[linicx]

My father travelied M-Th 40 of the 48 years they were married. He quit when he got sick. She was as independent as she was. They 'dated' on the weekend. I think that treating your spouse like it is a first day whether you go out for breakfast or dinner keeps a marriage alive, and prevents the "routine marriage boredom: syndrome from sneaking in the back door. . .

[coldwine]

I traveled extensively for most of my career. I was regularly in cities around Europe, Asia and more rarely, America.

It tends to kill relationships. I'm in one place now and finally, dating one regular person.

[Los Guys]

Self-imposed misery. 90% of the time it's about money - a travelling consultant could take a staff job at a local company for less pay and reap the benefits of a normal lifestyle; especially if they live in or around a big city. For some people the money and novelty of consulting is worth the tradeoff, but their spouses probably don't feel the same way.

edit - I am referring to married couples and those with kids above. I think traveling consulting the best way to cut your teeth in business and see the world when fresh out of college with few commitments in life.

[quadrokeith]

I currently am a traveling consultant. I've been doing it for about 5 years since I graduated college. I've been with my wife for 4 years. At first it was fun and exciting because I was newly graduated and she was still in school... I had nothing better to do with my weeks than go out of town for work. But then she moved to Chicago when she finished school and eventually we got married. We've been married for 4 months and the travel is already starting to become a problem. It's been something that I've been thinking about for a while, but I think may now be the time for me to finally start looking for a new job. There have been some catalysts at work that have made this decision all the more easy, but in general neither of us can see the travel lifestyle being very maintainable through our marriage. We're both afraid of having our 20s and being DINKs be our "lost years". There's lots of time we'd like to be spending together: just sitting around watching movies, playing in softball leagues, having game nights, etc. that we're definitely missing out on.

Right now, my wife busies herself by taking on extra responsibility at work, reading more, playing in sports leagues with co-workers and getting together with a friend once a week while I'm gone. She makes the best of it, but I know it's not easy.

Sorry to be a downer because I know these things are par for the course. But I would let your husband know that it IS difficult for you when he's gone. We don't like to hear it, but in the end it's better for him to know how you feel rather than just grinning and bearing it all the time. He may not be able to do anything about it now, but in the future your situation may improve.