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Are any of you married to women? Is so, are you sexually attracted to your wives? Also, would you still be married to her if it weren't for your Christian values? If the Bible did not consider homosexuality a sin, would you pursue the homosexual lifestyle or do you actually prefer being married to a woman?
I'm gay and have never been married to a woman. I have zero sexual attraction to women and could never love a woman in a romantic way. If a man is truly gay, it's just sad that he would marry a woman and do that to her because he could never feel the same way about her as she does about him. My guess is most of these relationships end in divorce because the romantic relationship would just never be there.
I don't believe the religous teachings (anti-gay) that I was brought up in and we attend a church that accepts gay people as they are.
I was with my wife for close to ten years. I finally could take it no longer and we divorced. The funny thing about denial is you don't even know you're in it (that's the very nature of denial) until you're out of it Not to say I didn't know I was gay, I was in denial that I could have a happy functional reltationship with a woman. It took a few years, but with anything that is unatural to someone, it eventually gets too difficult to continue
As for religion -- I've come to terms with that and have my own understanding of God and His plan for me. It's not something to be discussed here. Words on a screen cannot belie the truth of the spirit
I was with my wife for close to ten years. I finally could take it no longer and we divorced. The funny thing about denial is you don't even know you're in it (that's the very nature of denial) until you're out of it Not to say I didn't know I was gay, I was in denial that I could have a happy functional reltationship with a woman. It took a few years, but with anything that is unatural to someone, it eventually gets too difficult to continue
As for religion -- I've come to terms with that and have my own understanding of God and His plan for me. It's not something to be discussed here. Words on a screen cannot belie the truth of the spirit
Glad to hear things turned out positive for you! I understand why gay men deny it and get married - especially when they're raised in a conservative religious family. Coming out in that situation is very scary. I have a good friend who's 43 and still covering up being gay to his family out of fear they'd disown him. I never cared much for my parents so when I finally came out to them, I gave them the option of me walking out the door and never coming back. At this point in life, I wouldn't care if I never heard from them again. I'm focused on my own children and creating a positive, open, loving environmnet for them to grow up in. My own parents are just a drain on me!
I was with my wife for close to ten years. I finally could take it no longer and we divorced. The funny thing about denial is you don't even know you're in it (that's the very nature of denial) until you're out of it Not to say I didn't know I was gay, I was in denial that I could have a happy functional reltationship with a woman. It took a few years, but with anything that is unatural to someone, it eventually gets too difficult to continue
As for religion -- I've come to terms with that and have my own understanding of God and His plan for me. It's not something to be discussed here. Words on a screen cannot belie the truth of the spirit
What was the catalyst for your finally getting out of it if I may ask? Were you actually happy (at least on the outside image that you presented to the world?) for a time and then decided that you couldn't take it anymore? Did you tell your wife that you were happy every day? Was it a complete shock to her when she found out or did she know you were gay before you got married? My husband and I got married when he was 45. I knew all along that he was gay, but because of his Christian veiws, he assured me he was committed to leaving homosexuality behind. We've been married for 5 years now and he still acts happy on the outside and tells me how much he loves me. We do have issues with our sex life--let's just say it's not the greatest. I sometimes wonder if he isn't just staying in this marriage because I am the breadwinner and he really couldn't afford to leave.
What was the catalyst for your finally getting out of it if I may ask? Were you actually happy (at least on the outside image that you presented to the world?) for a time and then decided that you couldn't take it anymore? Did you tell your wife that you were happy every day? Was it a complete shock to her when she found out or did she know you were gay before you got married? My husband and I got married when he was 45. I knew all along that he was gay, but because of his Christian veiws, he assured me he was committed to leaving homosexuality behind. We've been married for 5 years now and he still acts happy on the outside and tells me how much he loves me. We do have issues with our sex life--let's just say it's not the greatest. I sometimes wonder if he isn't just staying in this marriage because I am the breadwinner and he really couldn't afford to leave.
I don't know what your husband feels, but to answer your questions
Yes, my wife new when we got married, but I assured her that it wasn't going to end the way it did. She was very shocked when I explained to her that I didn't think I could "live a lie" any longer. The catalyst was that my mental health began to suffer. Unless you go through it, you can't imagine the self hate, the doubt, the feelings of failure that come from trying to live life as a heterosexual.
I was the perfect husband and no one had a clue how unhappy I was. I was very good at putting on the happy face. My directive to myself was to not hurt her not matter what it cost me. In fact, our sex life had NO problems (at least as far as she was concerned, I was not exactly fulfilled by it). I loved her very much and I continue to love her, but after years of turmoil I realized that if I kept it up there would be no husband for her or father for the kids. Unfortunately, I wound up causing alot of pain for me, her, and our families because I was doing what I thought was right.
This is why I believe groups like Exodus, Focus on the Family, and many Christian denominations do so much harm to gay people and those around them when they convince them that they'll go to hell if they're true to themselves and cause them to attemt to live life as a heterosexual. It's not just the gay person they harm, but also spouses and children from their "pretend" marriages.
If I were single and met some guy I liked and he told me he was straight, but committed to living a gay life, I'd run! Nothing good could come from such a relationship.
I don't know what your husband feels, but to answer your questions
Yes, my wife new when we got married, but I assured her that it wasn't going to end the way it did. She was very shocked when I explained to her that I didn't think I could "live a lie" any longer. The catalyst was that my mental health began to suffer. Unless you go through it, you can't imagine the self hate, the doubt, the feelings of failure that come from trying to live life as a heterosexual.
I was the perfect husband and no one had a clue how unhappy I was. I was very good at putting on the happy face. My directive to myself was to not hurt her not matter what it cost me. In fact, our sex life had NO problems (at least as far as she was concerned, I was not exactly fulfilled by it). I loved her very much and I continue to love her, but after years of turmoil I realized that if I kept it up there would be no husband for her or father for the kids. Unfortunately, I wound up causing alot of pain for me, her, and our families because I was doing what I thought was right.
My husband tells me daily how much he loves me and after 5 years of marriage, he still swears he is done with homosexuality. He was bitterly unhappy as a homosexual, said there is no happiness to be found as a gay man. Yet I am so full of doubt. I know he really couldn't leave me because of finances--I make a lot more money than him and he would literally be living under the bridge if we ever broke up. I know he loves the better lifestyle, but sometimes I just doubt that he loves me (in a romantic way). Before I married him, I lived with a man who beat me for about 15 years . I finally got out of that relationship and started dating my husband very soon after. Every time I ask him about his feelings, he swears he loves me and wants to be with me forever. Is this what you told your wife as well?? It sounds like you were very deep in denial and had convinced yourself that you were actually happy. Am I sitting on a mine that is going to explode some day?????
This is why I believe groups like Exodus, Focus on the Family, and many Christian denominations do so much harm to gay people and those around them when they convince them that they'll go to hell if they're true to themselves and cause them to attemt to live life as a heterosexual. It's not just the gay person they harm, but also spouses and children from their "pretend" marriages.
If I were single and met some guy I liked and he told me he was straight, but committed to living a gay life, I'd run! Nothing good could come from such a relationship.
I was unaware of those organizations until I Googled them just now. I've spent most of the afternoon reading posts from "ex-gays." They seem to really believe they have "gotten over" being gay. How do you feel about this? Do you think they are in denial or do you think they are really "over" it?
I don't mean to be disrespectful and I really appreciate you and Lior Arel taking the time to answer my questions. Thanks.
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Not to say I didn't know I was gay, I was in denial that I could have a happy functional reltationship with a woman. It took a few years, but with anything that is unatural to someone, it eventually gets too difficult to continue
