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And that, dear girl, is the disconnect as wide as a fjord between nice guys and nice girls that I was talking about.
Please see my post to lovesMountains above.
I read it. But you're asking people to do something they shouldn't have to do as if they absolutely HAVE to be in a relationship and if they can't find one they have to settle for less like they're suppose to give in to something to they don't feel. That's...ridiculous. It's not about the "laundry list" like what you shared. It's about chemistry, imo.
You have to feel it. You can't force it. And maybe these people just haven't found their match yet.
Also, these guys that keep talking about the "bad boys" are so busy looking out and comparing themselves that it's pathetic. Who wants that? You'll always feel inadequate. Self acceptance really goes a long way.
Meh...I'm done. lol I think I post too much on the topic of relationships as is.
Instead of slapping your own head, you could provide some proof to support your claim about vast majority of Christians dying single and alone because they prayed for a spouse.
Are Christian girls rejecting you? Is that where all this stems from?
Last edited by Finn_Jarber; 07-01-2013 at 01:21 PM..
Well, in terms of this idea of God finding you someone...meh...i think this can apply to anyone (not just believers in God or Christians) who just want to sit back and wait for a lover to come to them. It works that way for some people, not for all. From what I've read in what you've posted, it seems many of these people aren't really drawing from Genesis for their beliefs, it's more stemming from a place of loneliness and really wanting companionship, something which, if you take a quick hop over to the Relationships section of this forum, you'd see many people struggling with this issue regardless of religion. That's not really rooted in religion. That's more this desire to have that kind of connectivity with somebody and the original poster is just a little jealous that those around him are experiencing something which he has yet to experience and taking it out on his idea of God.
There are plenty of court marriages that fail, for various reasons.
I've seen that commercial too, about finding God's match for you. If I had an image of an ideal, and wanted it in the opposite sex (I've basically wished for just that no less than four times), all I've learned is that "be careful what you wish for" holds far truer.
Yes, plenty of people get married over contrived expectations of themselves/other people. These don't tend to last. But this has nothing to do with religion, consider instead of the whole soulmate being "completed" thing, a purely materialistic marrying for money. You might find later that even cold hard cash is romantic (as in, idealistic), given the actual difficulty of a marriage.
Girls are just wired by nature to be attracted to "bad boys"---guys who are cute, who live on the edge, who like fast cars, fast living, taking chances, etc. Girls find these qualities alluring and irresistible. The most important thing to a young girl is not money, not status (though these things help) What is most important to a young girl 18-25 is that guy just not be boring and predictable. Unfortunately, nice guys by their very nature are boring and predictable. Unfortunately for them too, they are usually attracted to beauty since their psyche is more geared to physicality than the inner beauty that an ugly girl often possess. Immediately, they set themselves up for failure because the attractive girls they want are being lured by the "bad boys" and pretty girls will bypass the boring predictable nice boy for the bad boy every time. Hence, the disconnect I was referring to: nice guys writing all these letter saying: "Why isn't God giving me a spouse".
Unfortunately, for the girls, these bad boys are not called "bad boys" for nothing. They dangle the girl; keep her guessing about their feelings for her, which naturally intrigues the girls all the more (that air of mystery again) and then when the bad boy get bored of the girl he drops her for the next pretty girl that comes along. Hence, all the letters from girls saying "I've been hurt by guys so many times I just want to give up."
The mistake these very attractive "good girls" make is that they actually believe they can change their "bad" boyfriend into a good, God-fearing Christian guy--the kind of guy she wants to marry. In essence she "wants to have her cake and eat it too" she wants a "bad boy" with the excitement and mysteriousness melded with the qualities of a "good boy" i.e. family man, loves children, responsible job, good provider. Any psychologist will tell you it's impossible to meld the two together. A "bad boy" is incapable of being a "good boy"---just not in their nature. So the girl is dumped after a while by the "bad boy" and becomes disillusioned with men in general.
Once the girl approaches 30-35 and if she's been hurt often enough by the bad boys she begins to realize time is running out and then the "nice guys" with all their boring-ness and predictability don't look like such a bad deal after all. So the girls start sifting through the rubble of brokenhearted nice guys to see if there are any that come the closest to an acceptable mix of both qualities. But by then there aren't a heck of a lot of nice guys who look halfway decent left. Most have settled for (in their eyes) less-than-desirable girls to start a family with. But it's only a matter of time before marital problems begin to bubble to the surface, hence the skyrocketing divorce rate among Christian couples who have 2-3- kids in tow.
By their 40's-50's it's mostly a lost cause for both sexes. They're older, more mature, ready to accept the life of spinsterhood or bachelorhood and not willing to compromise their comfortable lifestyle for the headaches of a relationship.
Bear in mind, all of this has nothing to do with the fortunate few who met, fell in love at first sight, married and are raising a family and living happily afterwards. They are out there, just not many of them.
Godliness isn't being the "nice guy" as the world understands it anyway as some pushover Beta personality. The Lord says be gentle, kind, and peaceful, but stand for the truth and for the Lord. This takes courage which is a Godly attribute.
So be it if a girl is looking for that kind of guy. No time will be wasted working on a relationship.
Everything is in my previous posts. You'll just have to dig.
Well, i didn't want to make it a relationships issue similar to what atheists and agnostics deal with because they don't pray. This is a Christian issue dealing with relationships;
>>>>Mind if I ask your age?
Old enough to be your husband.
LOL, okay then - just trying to understand the mindset you are coming from
Well, here's what I will say to you - your premise that "Christian marriages are in a disastrous state" is flawed from the get go.
You have made the mistaken assumption that "all" Christians are taught to pray to God to spend them a spouse and then to wait for him to do it.
This is just not the case, not even close thrill.
The very "Christian" marriages that are falling apart are most often the ones where people did not ask God in prayer to send them the right partner, or to be in covenant with them in their marriage.
You have to try to remember, while all Christians basically believe the same core things, there are many many different denominations and different cultures in the Church.
It's not so uniform.
We are NOT all taught to pray to God about this. And even when we have been taught to do this as children, many of us neglect to do it when we become more egocentric young adults.
When people forge ahead thinking they are in control and they can make their own choices without inviting God in to each situation, especially marriage, they ARE setting themselves up for disaster.
LOL, okay then - just trying to understand the mindset you are coming from
Well, here's what I will say to you - your premise that "Christian marriages are in a disastrous state" is flawed from the get go.
You have made the mistaken assumption that "all" Christians are taught to pray to God to spend them a spouse and then to wait for him to do it.
This is just not the case, not even close thrill.
The very "Christian" marriages that are falling apart are most often the ones where people did not ask God in prayer to send them the right partner, or to be in covenant with them in their marriage.
You have to try to remember, while all Christians basically believe the same core things, there are many many different denominations and different cultures in the Church.
It's not so uniform.
We are NOT all taught to pray to God about this. And even when we have been taught to do this as children, many of us neglect to do it when we become more egocentric young adults.
When people forge ahead thinking they are in control and they can make their own choices without inviting God in to each situation, especially marriage, they ARE setting themselves up for disaster.
>>>>>Well, here's what I will say to you - your premise that "Christian marriages are in a disastrous state" is flawed from the get go.
Statistics: 50% end in divorce, we've already established that; that alone is a disaster by any measure for Christians who are supposed to take their marriage vows more seriously than non-Christians. Would you agree with that premise, loves?
>>>>>You have made the mistaken assumption that "all" Christians are taught to pray to God to spend them a spouse and then to wait for him to do it. This is just not the case, not even close thrill.
I agree that not "all" Christians" pray for a spouse. I've only tried to establish that a "large" percentage of them do. Loves, if the majority of Christians do not pray for who is going to be the most important, significant, vital person in their lives, then what on earth do they pray for besides that---and why??? Does it make sense that a Christian is going to pray for a good job but not for a good spouse? And if they are not taught to pray for important things they want/need, and assuming a good spouse is at the very top of the list, then what are they doing calling themselves Christians? You don't have to answer but just food for thought.
>>>>>The very "Christian" marriages that are falling apart are most often the ones where people did not ask God in prayer to send them the right partner, or to be in covenant with them in their marriage.
Loves, I don't think you really thought that through. You're actually saying that the Christians marriages that are falling apart are the ones where the people didn't pray, so by extension the successful ones are the ones where they did?????
Quote:
We’ve all heard the oft-repeated statistic that 50 percent of marriages end in divorce, but what about the couples that stay together? It’s not looking too good, according to author Dana Adam Shapiro. In an interview with Buzzfeed.com, he breaks it down: “I think 17% of marriages are happy. Fifty percent of marriages end, and of marriages that stay together, I think a third are happy, a third are happy enough, and a third are unhappy.”
Do the math.
If 50% end in divorce then it's less than 50% [that are happy].
Assume half the couples that won't divorce are always arguing so that gets it down to 25%.
I'd say 15% or less [are happy] [others said 10%].
If Christian marriages follow the national trend (and there's no reason to assume they don't) then roughly 1 out of 4 Christians marriages are happy and that is being really generous. So you're saying that 3 out of 4 Christians don't bother to pray for a good spouse. If that is true, then Christian marriages are in more trouble than even I could have imagined. And pastors and ministers are failing their congregations in staggering numbers (but that doesn't surprise me---most pastors are about as useful as a rowboat in the middle of a desert).
I assume this woman did pray. The topic is "Why I Don't Pray For a Husband Anymore":
Quote:
I don't know anymore that I really want to marry. Sorry but I see more unhappy and unhealthy marriages than I do good ones. Our time in this body is short compared to eternity with Christ. I love my Lord and only He alone fulfills my heart!" I too am in my 50's. I divorced in my 30s and have two children. I've been celibate since then. For the past 5-10 years the desire to marry has been slowly going away on its own.
Talking about Christian marriages is a bit misleading because there are different types, from one where women are submissive housewives (no not all housewives are submissive)to those where they are once a year Christians and everything in between.
I am a devout Catholic and am 42 and single. Yes there are times I blamed God for this, I won't deny. When I did online dating on a religious site I did worse than I did on secular sites (though found more quality men). Many of the men on these sites were even worse than secular where they wanted much younger and definitely submissive types. I'm more moderate but definitely no submissive. The younger 20 something women would complain about these 40+ men contacting them. Meanwhile the late 30's and up women went un contacted.
I have a religious friend who was desperate to marry but would only marry a submissive virgin. He got his wish but do not think he's happy.
>>>>> Statistics: 50% end in divorce, we've already established that; that alone is a disaster by any measure for Christians who are supposed to take their marriage vows more seriously than non-Christians. Would you agree with that premise, loves?
Anyway, some thoughts to consider.Moderator cut: Orphaned
Not yet - one more thing to correct some information here...
Divorce rates have been falling for decades now.
The actual rate is estimated to currently be hovering around 39%.
In addition, don't you know all those getting divorced aren't Christian? Some are, sure, but certainly not all, so it's not accurate for you to lay all divorce at Christians feet.
And while Christians are SUPPOSED to take their marriage vows more seriously here's the thing...when they haven't invited God into the equation, haven't asked for his guidance in choosing a spouse, the marriage is more likely than not going to struggle. And as I have already stated in other posts, many many Christians skip this very important step.
Last edited by june 7th; 07-08-2013 at 11:19 PM..
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Finn, you're hopeless! 
