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Oh wow, I made a post but I think it would be best if I just do a blog..Mine is a strange case of a church, mental abuse, an affair and a remarriage...My advice to any woman is do not ever marry anyone unless you have a career to fall back on and money put aside for a good lawyer..My very best advice on your beliefs is never, never ever allow someone to come between you and God or to make you believe that you are inferior..
I am not trying to point out anyones sin. I understand that there are circumstances that cause divorce, but there are also circumstance where people should not have married to begin with as well as circumstances where divorce is a convienance.
Stirringwaters I understand your situation because adultry is a sin that hurts more than just the sinner. I have several friends and relatives who are divorced for the same reasons.
As I have stated marriage is something that has to be worked on and I men by both parties and not just one side. If it is only onesided then it is not a marriage.
DayoftheLord you make an excellent point, we want to do what God wants of us and not what we want at the time because we all make bad choices. When I first got married I wasnt a real Christian. I was just a Christian in name because my family was Christians and the militery told me to pick a religion. My wife was a Christian and I even pointed out to her that she should not be unequally yoked to me and she said gd told her I was the one. Believe me I havent made it easy on her but our marriage has been a mutual effort from the beginning and we have been open and honest about each others mistakes and worked thru them. We both have always wanted our marriage to work and have worked for that. We love each other in a way that transcends what the world thinks of love. We are best friends and lovers and dont want to be apart. Sure there have been some rough spots, in twenty one years there is going to be.
So please do not take this thread as a thread to point out your sins, but a thread to address reasons for divorce and see why it came to that.
My advice to any woman is do not ever marry anyone unless you have a career to fall back on and money put aside for a good lawyer..
Now THAT is some good advice Blue. A woman should always be prepared to support herself and her children at any given time. Men leave also.
And yes, gentlemen, women leave too. But the odds are stacked against the woman who gets left.
My 1st husband found this poor vulnerable young girl to marry him after we divorced, and now she has 4 children and he's living in a halfway house. She has no job, no money for a divorce lawyer and no way out. She is fortunate to still have a mother to help pay her bills. She can't get money from my ex.....he's too busy paying eight years of back support to me after the state of Texas finally tracked him down. What a sad situation.
Have your own education, your own career, your own BANK ACCOUNT.
Now THAT is some good advice Blue. A woman should always be prepared to support herself and her children at any given time. Men leave also.
And yes, gentlemen, women leave too. But the odds are stacked against the woman who gets left.
My 1st husband found this poor vulnerable young girl to marry him after we divorced, and now she has 4 children and he's living in a halfway house. She has no job, no money for a divorce lawyer and no way out. She is fortunate to still have a mother to help pay her bills. She can't get money from my ex.....he's too busy paying eight years of back support to me after the state of Texas finally tracked him down. What a sad situation.
Have your own education, your own career, your own BANK ACCOUNT.
I personally encouraged my wife from the beginning of our marriage to get a further education just in case something happened to me. I am glad she did because now she is the one working full time and I am currently unemployeed and looking for a job. If not for her strength we would really be hurting.
My advice to any woman is do not ever marry anyone unless you have a career to fall back on and money put aside for a good lawyer
I disagree. If you go into a marriage with the mind set that you can always get out, That's exactly what your gonna do. If you need your other half, then you are more likely to work harder to make it work.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Miss Blue
My very best advice on your beliefs is never, never ever allow someone to come between you and God or to make you believe that you are inferior..
This I do agree with.
Now I'm not saying that there is never grounds for divorce, cause there is. If your well being is in danger, or your kids well being in danger, then yes I believe you should get out.
But if you go into a marriage with the thought that as soon as it gets tough, "eh, I have have a job and don't really need my spouse" then your entering the marriage with the wrong mindset. You should enter a marriage Knowing its for life, not just until it gets hard.
I disagree. If you go into a marriage with the mind set that you can always get out, That's exactly what your gonna do. If you need your other half, then you are more likely to work harder to make it work.
Now I'm not saying that there is never grounds for divorce, cause there is. If your well being is in danger, or your kids well being in danger, then yes I believe you should get out.
But if you go into a marriage with the thought that as soon as it gets tough, "eh, I have have a job and don't really need my spouse" then your entering the marriage with the wrong mindset. You should enter a marriage Knowing its for life, not just until it gets hard.
Now remarriage is another topic.
DNick
I would have to agree with DNick here. I'm not saying I think it's a bad idea for a woman have an education, a career, or even money, but I think it's a bad mindset going into a marriage thinking you NEED these things in case it doesn't work out. A Christian's mindset should be that marriage is for life.
With that said, DNick is right when he said, "If you need your other half, then you are more likely to work harder to make it work." That's exactly why my marriage lasted 16 years before I finally left. The last few were bad, but I had always been a housewife, had no money, no job, etc. I finally realized though that me and my kids would be better off with me starting over and struggling, rather than living with a man on meth.
Even over the next two years I tried to work things out and go back to my husband, each time with no avail, which is why I finally divorced him. Although I went through very hard times, had to go to school, etc...when/if I remarry, it will be with the mindset that it's for the rest of my life, and I actually hope to go back to that role as wife/mother/helpmate.
I personally encouraged my wife from the beginning of our marriage to get a further education just in case something happened to me. I am glad she did because now she is the one working full time and I am currently unemployeed and looking for a job. If not for her strength we would really be hurting.
Good for you Robin, that is what we are talking about here. Not just someone leaving, someone on drugs, an alcoholic, a cheater, abuser, etc. etc......what if the husband dies, becomes disabled or loses a job???
I'm sorry but I stand by what I said about a woman being educated and having her own bank account. I went into both of my marriages with the "mindset" of forever....that has nothing to do with whether the marriage fails or not. Yes, you can struggle your way through it if you lose a spouse no matter what the circumstances, but it's extremely unpleasant and can lead to all kinds of problems, such as health and mental issues. What good are you to your children if you die from stress and worry??
If you are prepared for anything and nothing happens, just think of the retirement money or money to leave to your children you both will have!!!
There's no down side to a woman being smart and saavy.
frankly I cannot imagine a life with a woman who wasn't strong, self supporting, educated, and independent. She is a partner, a peer, not someone I have to take care of 24/7.
Divorce is the topic because it destroys families and leave children as the ultimate victims. To properly raise a child they need the nurturing of both mother and father and even though this is sometime unavoidable due to death or absentee fatherhood, divorce is an area that can be addressed and something done about to insure the children are brought up properly.
Now quite often people get married because of the excitement which disapates as time goes on and reality sets in. What most people do not realize is that a loving relationship must be worked on and not just left to become stagnant. Very often instead of people working on the relationships they take the easy way out and seek that excitement again. Often times once you have been divorced once you will divorce again until you realize that a relationship has to be worked on to survive.
Very often people marry for obviously wrong motives such as money, sex, fame, convenience and then they want out when the newness wears off.
Very often divorce occures because of infidelity that goes back to looking for that excitement felt when they first fell in love with their spouse that they have found with another. Which is an easy way out of working on a relationship.
I have never been divorced and can only relate to you statistical information. So if you have something to add please feel free.
This is a good post and a good testimony. America has become a stage for the quick and easy divorce. Lawers are more than happy to handle divorce and even have billboards advertising "1-800-divorce".
The essential Biblical reason for divorce is adultery, in a marriage between a Christian man and woman. But why did the situation get to a divorce in the first place? That is probally the most important question, which you have addressed in the op.
This is a good post and a good testimony. America has become a stage for the quick and easy divorce. Lawers are more than happy to handle divorce and even have billboards advertising "1-800-divorce".
The essential Biblical reason for divorce is adultery, in a marriage between a Christian man and woman. But why did the situation get to a divorce in the first place? That is probally the most important question, which you have addressed in the op.
Excellent post
Selfishness, we all need to look at how selfish we are. I understand that some are victims of the divorce, but we all have to look in the mirror and deal with our selfishness if we are to make something work. Alcoholics, abusers, adulterors, gold diggers, are all selfish. My anger or being spoiled, wanting my way was my selfishness that I had to deal with and my wife helped me. Her timidity, self loathing, and obeidience to parents rather than commitment to our marriage was my wifes selfishness. We both decided to look in the mirror and discuss with one another our likes and dislikes, what pained us, we were brutally honest with one another and I actually thought we were headed for divorce, but we made the changes for our kids. We both agreed that we were not important, the kids were and our love has grown into our oneness that it should have been from the beginning. Dont get me wrong, we still have our selfish tendencies but we talk them out sometimes eyes full of tears. I am not a sensitive man but my wifes love chokes me up and brings tears to my eyes.
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and he's living in a halfway house. She has no job, no money for a divorce lawyer and no way out. She is fortunate to still have a mother to help pay her bills. She can't get money from my ex.....he's too busy paying eight years of back support to me after the state of Texas finally tracked him down. What a sad situation. 
