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Really, I do understand totally where you're coming from! Decades ago, I , too, was 21 and thought I hated my parents, too. It was just that I was chomping at the bit to get out and be on my own. I think its a part of growing up. Just the same as you grow physically, you grow psychologically, too. If you still cling to your parents, like you did when a child, well, you would never move on into the true adult world.
You are just letting go of your childhood, and entering the adult world. Perhaps you need to dismiss your parents, for awhile, to complete the growing process.
But don't burn your bridges. They are the ones you would call if in a wreck, or needed a kidney!
I'm now struggling with my two "adult" kids. I'm trying to launch them, with things like establishing credit, give them each a car---ok, an "old" but serviceable car, to spare them the expense of buying a new one now, so that gives them at least 1-3 years without that expense
We offered to let them both live at home, no rent, if they went to college. We're not trying to control them, just help them on their way----but seems they want no part of any of it! Just realize, like I told my kids, circumstances change. We might not always be able to offer them what we can now...we, parents, have ourselves to think about, as well.
its a tough world out there! Many lessons you learn the hard way, but life's a tough, unforgiving teacher.
This is EXCELLENT advice.
Kid #2 is going through this right now. Her dad and I divorced in 2012 and I moved out leaving my two 20+ year olds under his roof. Neither daughter was pleased with me. Kid #2 is especially temperamental (I swear she came out of the womb pissed off!) and couldn't wait to get her own apartment because she hated living with her dad so much. I suggested to her that we get an apartment together and share expenses but she would have none of it. Instead, she tried to convince her boyfriend to move in with her.
Well guess what? She had just committed to a one bedroom apartment when her boyfriend dumped her. Just prior to this her dad lost his 100K/yr. job. By June he had sold the house and moved to Texas to be with his girlfriend so kid #2 was more or less forced out on her own. She works as a pizza delivery person surviving off tips and has 1 more year of college left before she gets commissioned into the Air Force at the end of 2016. She's mad as hell at the universe (and we her parents) and is losing friends left and right because of her attitude, but for the most part, she got herself into this predicament. My only hope is that in the next few years she gains some perspective and mellows out like her older sister has.
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However flawed, your parents mean well, but the fact that you are being held hostage by their approval says more about you than it does about them. I sooo get that. It wasn't until I was in my 40s that I accepted the fact that I would NEVER get my parents' approval--and that this was OK. And funny thing--as soon as I "let go" of that desire they became easier to be around because they no longer "owned" me. I could never share confidences or be as close as I would have liked but I survived. In the end, they did the best they could given their own limiting circumstances.
The best thing you can do is quit whining and get focused on what YOU want to do. You can't change your parents--you can only change yourself. My guess is that they'll come around when they see you taking responsibility for yourself and succeeding. In the meantime, seek out mentors and develop your own support system. Someone on this thread suggested counseling and I think that's a good place to start.
Look into the Navy. I did 8 years. Saw about 20 countries. Not all sailors see so many lands and not every sailor serves on a ship. Navy boot camp is easier than Army & Marines but harder than Air Force. Knowledge of science and chemistry could be helpful for some Navy ratings (jobs). If you do get a ship, the average deployment is 6 months at sea. But that's not 6 months without seeing or setting foot on land. Everyone on a ship must learn fire fighting. Those skills came in handy a few times after leaving the service. The jobs or ratings vary greatly and some ratings transfer to multiple civilian jobs. Air Force has the easiest fitness standard and easiest living conditions. Some jobs in the Air Force are very technical but some amount to being a bartender or serving food at a cafeteria (that was in the mid 1990s). Talk to both the Navy and Air Force recruiters.
I have to agree with some of the posters here in that you are blaming your parents for your own mistakes and making them out to be monsters. Even after you transferred your parents paid for your college (although you lost your free ride previously). I had a full scholarship to the commuter college I went to; I disliked it and wanted to be away at school too and planned to transfer. My father told me if I wished to give up my full ride and transfer then I can take out student loans and figure out everything on my own. Pretty harsh I thought. I stayed at the school I was at and made the best of it.
Sounds like dad was concerned about you going away to school and getting into trouble....seems like he was right on point. Many parents are "overbearing" or over protective and have a strong influence on their kids' academics. They are not right for this but sometimes they do this b/c they believe they know what is best for you. Seems like dad knew you better than you knew yourself at that point. Blaming your parents for your decisions to party is immature. I'd assume you know right from wrong and were aware your poor decisions were hurting your academics. Despite all this, dad is willing to get you a job with his connections and allow you to move back home. I work as a college counselor for almost 10 yrs not and can't tell you how many times I have heard similar stories of kids partying too much and failing or how many students' parents will not let them move back home after college. You are very lucky to have that option. Try considering your parents' point of view a bit and maybe you will see things differently.
You mention you have always had an interest in finance. Was this something you discussed with your father? I can't imagine he would say you wouldn't be able to get a job with a finance degree. If this was something you were always interested in, you could've taken classes towards a business minor while taking your science classes. That's what elective classes are for. I would assume you had to meet with an academic advisor if you were on probation. Were these options not explored?
The good news is that unless you major in something like a professional preparation major (such as teaching, athletic trainer, etc), people rarely work in jobs directly related to their major. Like many others on here posted, apply for entry level positions in banks, financial planning companies, etc. Attend career fairs at your school where you can meet recruiters. Go to your career office and have them go over your resume with you and see if there are any career inventories they administer. It's kind of late, but see if you can secure an internship for the fall. You have a ton of options if you utilize your resources effectively. But YOU need to change your frame of mind and stop focusing on the negative. This is easier said than done, which is why you should consider visiting your campus counseling center to talk to an unbiased person. You will see you are not alone in this; so many people your age finish school and have no idea what they want to do with their life and it's super scary. You mentioned your last two semesters were pretty good so keep that up and you can end on a more positive note. See if you can repeat any of those F grades to increase your overall *** GPA too. Your first job out of college does not (and often IS NOT) have to be your dream job. I was confused in college, no idea what I wanted to do after college, took the first job I interviewed for and learned the professional world. I hated what I was doing but during that time I was able to figure out what I wanted to do with my life. I went back to graduate school 3 years after college and that is when I was on the road to attaining my "dream job". You are only in the beginning of your journey. Take action now to correct any previous mistakes. Sure, GPA is important but it's not the only factor. If you can get a job and experience while determining what your plan is you are building your resume, which in time, is much more important than your GPA. You should also seek out career fairs in the closest city to you. Recruiters are going to these fairs specifically looking for someone they can mold for their company. If finance is your plan, see if there are any certificate programs where you can take some classes post-bach.
Lastly, I know some people mentioned to get away from your parents, but I'm not sure you should be taking anyone's advice about that specific aspect. Seems like you have a lot to figure out and not having your parents supporting you during that time could be extremely challenging both emotionally and financially. You can't pay rent without a job so I think getting a job should be your first priority. Moving out of mom and dad's place ASAP isn't always what it's cracked up to be. Remember there's rent, groceries, utility bills, and normal life expenses.... I moved out pretty early and there was a point I was working 4 jobs just to be able to afford to live...talk about feeling like life was over...
Sounds like your folks love you and care about though at times you find it frustrating... Talk to them, tell them how you feel, where YOU went wrong and messed up and that you are at a turning point in your life where you want to figure out who you are and who want to be. Don't blame them for everything but you can explain sometimes you feel a lot of pressure from them and you don't want to let them down. And don't beat yourself up over screwing up in a college....let it be a life lesson...in a few years, what you did in college really won't matter. The past doesn't define the future. Good Luck
Like I mentioned before, how's your credit? do you even have credit?
If not, start working on that right away. You will find credit more important than money, unless you're independently wealthy! You need credit to do more than just treat yourself to bar hopping, etc.
You need good credit to lease an apt anywhere, also, to get utilities, phone, cable, cell phone, etc. I assume you're living in a dorm right now, that situation is a bit different. Probably your parents pay your room & board---mine did---its not the same thing as going forth into the world and getting your own apt or house.
I was just thinking about a friend of mine, lost touch with many years ago. She got a BS in chemistry, too. She lived at home.This was in Detroit. She went to Wayne, which is a commuter college. She wasn't too happy with her employment prospects, either. Then, she got hired on at one of the auto plants---I think Ford---as a fabric specialist. Although a chemistry degree wasn't required, it helped. Helped also she had a strong interest in sewing and textiles. I do think she started off just working on the factory working an industrial sewing machine, but she quickly moved up to a high-paying management position.
Here's a few more stories---I took a required history class and sat next to an "older" guy who was finishing up a BA in, I think, liberal arts. He worked for NASA in Houston. They told him he'd gone as far as they could promote him and as high in his pay band as he could. If he had a bachelor's degree in anything, that would put him on a higher path. NASA even paid for him to get his degree. Point---sometimes just a degree can open doors for you, regardless of the major.
I also knew a guy who got a BA in history. He then became a foodservice worker But, he was promoted due, in part, to his BA, then, got an MBA, then got a top job with a large food equipment supply company, I think he retired as VP of marketing and sales.
I knew a lady who got a degree in physical therapy, which is a tough major, and in demand, and highly paid. but she hated it! She finished, anyways--ie--graduated, then got into a bank management trainee program. Again, they required a bachelor's in any major just to accept her application. Last I heard, she was doing quite well.
Take heart, many young people feel discouraged at your age, but things do work out. Also, look at it this way---if you drop out now, you will probably be in the worst possible position. How do you explain dropping out at the last hour? If I were considering you for a position, the first thing I would think is---quitter! why should I hire and train you if you haven't learned enough self-discipline to tough out one lousy semester? I would wonder if you would drop out from my company as well. So, how do you then explain the 4 years between high school and the present? There again, you would come across as unmotivated, lazy, spoiled, etc, etc. don't set yourself up that way!
There's worse things in life than having parents who want to house, feed and support you Learn patience, things will work out, believe me!
Just don't quit!
For what its worth, finish that degree
Establish your credit---many employers look at that, too
explore other careers, look at brokerage firms, banks, etc. Many won't even accept an application for trainee without at least a bachelor's/
Problem with military officer is that my GPA is too low, being an officer is very competitive and they take guys with GPAs over 3.0.
I have been thinking military for quite some time, I graduate in the fall so if I start the process now will they be able to rescue me from my overbearing parents?
Don't limit yourself to 'officer or nothing'.
If you're physically and administratively qualified, try to enlist and see how it works out. Contrary to popular belief, they still bring in thousands yearly-that's just the way the systems is designed to work, and so many people these days don't qualify due to criminal records or health issues.
You'll get a life-changing experience, adequate pay and benefits, and housing during the enlistment. DURING the experience, you may think it's the worst decision ever-but about halfway through either you'll definitely know it's not for you, or the light bulb will come on and you realize you are enjoying it.
With your low GPA, I believe it would be easier to try to go Officer Candidate School (or the Air Force/Navy/USMC equivalent) from enlisted service member than to come in directly as an officer.
My friend's older sister graduated from college with a considerably less than stellar GPA. She eventually became a lab tech at NIH. After building her resume, she attended a medical school in the Bahamas or Grenada. She is now a cardiologist and a partner in a medical LLC that specializes in cardiology. So life does not end at 21 if your GPA is low. If you like chemistry and possibly medicine, you may want to listen to what your father has to say. He may be overbearing, but he doesn't want to see you fall flat on your face.
If you truly love medicine & believe it is the right decision, take a look at a Caribbean medical school such as St. George's or St. James. They don't require standards as high as American mainland schools. They train students for the American and Canadian medical systems & do a pretty decent job of it.
Stand up to Dad. Just keep going to school in finance- get an MBA or something. I used plenty of students who stayed in school long enough to get 2 or 3 different degrees- it's hardly unusual. You're only 21- life is just beginning for you.
what would happen if I just got my degree this fall and finished college already? I don't want to be in college any longer after this coming semester....
OP, there''s been some pretty good advice here. You might rediscover college and like it if you could study in your chosen field. It might turn out to be a completely different experience. Maybe if you took some time off to decompress from the train wreck, and gather your enthusiasm for studies in finance, it would work out. You could take the lab tech job your dad offers, but don't live at home (hopefully it will pay enough for you to live on your own, even if you need to live in a shared place), and save your money to go back to school at some point.
Your life is now your own. You can make of it what you want. It could take awhile to save the money for that, but you can do it. Others do. You could also graduate, but go back later for a 2nd BA, and your general distribution requirements would count toward satisfying the 2nd BA, so you'd only have whatever--1-1/2 to 2 years to complete the 2nd BA.
You're not alone, OP. Lots of people have their parents screw up their college lives and school or degree choices. I strongly advise you to use your remaining semester (if you decide to stick it out) to get FREE counseling on campus, so you can vent about all the cr@p, and get help getting over it, so you can move on with a clearer head and lighter heart. Really, OP, you need to get all this off your chest so you don't drag the baggage around with you for the next 10 years. You wouldn't want to give your parents that power, would you? Of loading you with baggage for years? Get help dumping it now, while you have the opp'ty to do it for free. Did I mention the counseling was FREE? Get it while you can, otherwise you'll end up paying $100/hr. or more for it.
I don't understand how your parents 1) forced you into a field you didn't want to be in and 2) kept you from applying for scholarships and loans.
You're making excuses. Finish your degree. Accept any job you can get. Then move out on your own and pay your own way and do what you want.
Quit blaming mom and dad for your lack of focus. For goodness sake, my 15 year old has known what he wants since he was 8. My 12 year old isn't quite sure, but has a "back up plan" to do what I will pay for, until she knows.
They are 12 & 15. You are 21. Man up
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But, he was promoted due, in part, to his BA, then, got an MBA, then got a top job with a large food equipment supply company, I think he retired as VP of marketing and sales.
Learn patience, things will work out, believe me!
