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Don't text/call/facebook so much that you're following their every move. Just gives you more things to worry about. What about your friends who also went away to college? FB them a bit because they are in the same boat as you.
Were the only one in your group who went off to college? When DD went to college most of her friends scattered to the four winds across multiple states. None of them stayed home to hang out.
Yes, I was the only one in my group. Everyone else is commuting or working for a year.
You're just homesick. Are these friends in college? If not, I'd be more sad for them than for me. Perhaps you should immerse yourself more in your college life and spend less time at home in general. If you continue to constantly spend time with the old friends, you'll never give yourself the chance to enjoy new ones just as much. Otherwise, maybe you should have gone to college in your hometown and lived at home - best of both worlds.
There were 3 colleges in my search that I could have commuted to, but I hated 2 of them and thought one of them was just ok. The school I really liked was the one I'm going to now, and I wanted to commute even though it is almost an hour away, but my parents made me live there, which has been perfectly fine so far. I feel it is a good balance for me to hang out with old and new friends because I am so close.
When I went to college and when my kids went to college. My friends, 46 years ago, were spread all over. I made wonderful life-time friends in college. Ditto with my two children.
Frankly, some of my friends and their friends who stayed at home & went to community college or went to college close enough to go home every weekend never really had a "real college experience" never met a lot of new people, never really joined a lot of college clubs or activities, never really grew up in the same way as college students living farther away.
The best example of someone who did not live the "college life" was an acquaintance who "went away" to college (in the same city where he grew up) and lived in a dorm all four years. That was not the problem. It was that his mother picked him to eat dinner at home every single night and he stayed at home every weekend. To my knowledge he never attended even one sporting event (football game, basketball game, etc.) at the college, did not join any clubs, did not really date or make any friends at college in the entire four years. It was a really sad situation.
My graduating high school class was very heavy on people who either went to the local CC, or commuted to a state university 45 minutes away and lived at home. Very few of us went away, lived on campus, etc. I was one of very few who did, and, yes, it's an entirely different experience.
My husband's little half-sister, who has lived a very sheltered life, just started college last month. I was very excited for her that she chose a school two hours away, versus one of the local ones in our city, because I was hopeful for her that it would help her make a break from her mom (my FIL's ex-wife from his second marriage), and have more of a social life than she'd been able to have in high school. However, she has come home all but one weekend, so far. I just got a call that she's "home this weekend," "bored," and "would we like to go out for ice cream?" While that's nice, My thought is, if you're coming home and are bored, why not stay on campus? You're 18. Your college years are for meeting new people, not for driving home two hours to hang out with your 44-year old brother, his wife, and your baby nephew. Hopefully, this is just a beginning of the year thing, and she'll settle in and get too busy. It's not that I don't love her and want to see her, it's that she really would benefit from stretching a little.
My graduating high school class was very heavy on people who either went to the local CC, or commuted to a state university 45 minutes away and lived at home. Very few of us went away, lived on campus, etc. I was one of very few who did, and, yes, it's an entirely different experience.
My husband's little half-sister, who has lived a very sheltered life, just started college last month.
I was very excited for her that she chose a school two hours away, versus one of the local ones in our city, because I was hopeful for her that it would help her make a break from her mom (my FIL's ex-wife from his second marriage), and have more of a social life than she'd been able to have in high school. However, she has come home all but one weekend, so far. I just got a call that she's "home this weekend," "bored," and "would we like to go out for ice cream?" While that's nice, My thought is, if you're coming home and are bored, why not stay on campus? You're 18. Your college years are for meeting new people, not for driving home two hours to hang out with your 44-year old brother, his wife, and your baby nephew. Hopefully, this is just a beginning of the year thing, and she'll settle in and get too busy. It's not that I don't love her and want to see her, it's that she really would benefit from stretching a little.
Our son went to our state's flagstaff University which was a 90 minute drive away. His first weekend home as a freshman was when he came home for Thanksgiving. His next trip home was for Christmas vacation and the third (and last during his freshman year) was for spring vacation. This was pretty typical for freshman.
TabulaRosa, I wonder if part of your SIL's problem is that she has a car. At the colleges that my children attended freshman were basically forbidden to bring cars to campus. They strongly, strongly encouraged freshman to live in the special freshman dorms and they could not park cars by the dorms (unless they had a medical disability). If a student lived in a dorm and had a car they had to rent a garage or a parking space off campus. Usually those were very expensive to rent and at least a half mile or mile away from the dorms.
How can someone possibly adjust to college life, and have a "full college experience" if they are coming home every weekend to spent time with their parents?
Last edited by germaine2626; 09-17-2016 at 07:31 PM..
I am a freshman in college, and I am vastly enjoying the experience. I have a very tight knit group of friends at home plus a girlfriend, and I still see them all the time on the weekends (either they come down here or I go up to them) and an occasional weeknight. However, I am staying on campus tonight since I'm going home tomorrow for a family function, and I happened to be chatting with one of my friends from the group who mentioned that they were all going out for sushi and to see a movie. I was kind of bummed out when he told me, and I would've honestly preferred not to know that they were hanging out at all and what I am missing out on, and I know that they're all at the sushi restaurant right now laughing and having a great time while I'm still here. Don't get me wrong, I have friends here too and get along great with everyone, but those guys are my best friends and my girlfriend is there too, and it upsets me to think that I could be with them tonight and I'm not. I'm gonna be hanging out with them all tomorrow also, doing something even more fun than they're doing tonight, so I don't understand why I'm so upset. During the summer, we all hung out almost every day, and I miss that now that I'm away. So my question is, is it normal for someone in college who has friends still at home to be sad and bummed out when their friends are all hanging out and they're still at school or is it just me? I'm definitely gonna try and do something here tonight, but I can't help being a little sad because I am missing out on a fun night. I also could've gone home tonight and been there, but I knew my parents would be pissed off if I went home tonight, so I'm staying to please them. Please be honest.
Yeah. See. All of this?
Will not exist in a year.
You literally will not care.
My first year I was running home all the time like a big baby.
By second year, I didn't even want to come home for the summers.
By fourth year I was living on campus year 'round...and my fifth year I think I only came back for xmas.
Bc college will be your new home. The people there will be the people in your life.
Yeah. See. All of this?
Will not exist in a year.
You literally will not care.
My first year I was running home all the time like a big baby.
By second year, I didn't even want to come home for the summers.
By fourth year I was living on campus year 'round...and my fifth year I think I only came back for xmas.
Bc college will be your new home. The people there will be the people in your life.
Our daughter left for college and never came home again for more than a week, even during Christmas vacations and summer. She embraced college life. She went beyond the campus and made that city her home. She volunteered and even had leadership responsibilities in community organizations while attending college. And then started to work fulltime in that city after graduation.
(Until eight years later she moved home for two years to assist in caregiving for her disabled father, but that's another story)
Last edited by germaine2626; 09-17-2016 at 08:11 PM..
Our daughter left for college and never came home again for more than a week, even during Christmas vacations and summer. She embraced college life. She went beyond the campus and made that city her home. She volunteered and even had leadership responsibilities in community organizations while attending college. And then started to work fulltime in that city after graduation.
(Until eight years later she moved home for two years to assist in caregiving for her disabled father, but that's another story)
Yeah. I think moving dorms my second year really helped.
I went from regular dorm with a crazy roommate who hated natural light and would bring men home to screw (and they would pee in our sink, etc) to the honors dorm with cool people who were actually there to learn...and my whole college experience changed and I never wanted to leave.
The op will find his stride.
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