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Yeah just come right out and report it, unless it's your boss and you are raising two kids alone. I had some pretty gross incidents of sexual harassment at work and I never reported them because the perpetrators were two of my supervisors and it would have been my word against theirs. They would have simply denied it and found a way to fire me and that just couldn't happen because I was living paycheck to paycheck.
It happened to me when I was 12 with my brother's 19 year old best friend, I never told my brother, my parents or anyone else because I was so ashamed and felt that it must have been my fault
Look at what is happening to the four women who came out and talked about Roy Moore's behavior, they are being called liars and every attempt is made to denigrate them.
Or, you're a college freshman who had a little too much to drink and trusted a male friend enough to fall asleep in his room at a fraternity party.
I was fortunate that while I had too much to drink and was out of it, I did not pass out but only fell asleep for a short while...and woke up with his hands all over me...but I was still with it enough to be able to push him off of me and run out of the room. I never reported it (and only told a couple close girl friends) because I knew it would be his word against mine and I knew I had drank too much and trusted the wrong man. It was traumatizing to wake up to that, but in hindsight it may have saved me from becoming a worse college statistic. I never drank that much again and my friends and I promised to never leave each other alone at a party again.
There are a lot of reasons a girl/woman may not report assault.
Well, in the case of Dreyfus, he admits to behaving like an ass for years. Although he says he never exposed his dick, and never assaulted anyone. But he does say that what he THOUGHT he was doing was flirting, and that he 'flirted' with nearly every female he ever came across.
I do think it's important to remember, that when someone has power over you, be it physical, or can make/break your career, you are placed in a 'beholden' position. Power person makes a phone call, and you're recommended for the role of a lifetime. Or, power person makes a phone call, and you're black listed. They hold this power over you as long as you want to work in Hollywood.
This USED to be the status quo. This used to be "Just the way things are."
It's terrible but even if they don't have professional power over you, it is still traumatic to be harassed. A man, just being male, is generally more physically powerful and is taking a strong dominant stance to sexually harass a woman.
They tend to do it abruptly and unexpectedly catching a woman off guard and the women get flustered, and they never forget the event. Men will always have that type of power, regardless of how feminist and independent a woman is. It is confusing and scary when we think we one of the gang, and find out we are much less, and we have to be careful around all men because some men cannot be trusted, even men we know as friends and peers. That is not equality.
Women are coming out with this now because enough is enough, and they feel at this time and with the support of other victims they can finally speak out. If we can't stop it we can at least out the abusers who have been doing it and let them face some consequences.
It's terrible but even if they don't have professional power over you, it is still traumatic to be harassed. A man, just being male, is generally more physically powerful and is taking a strong dominant stance to sexually harass a woman.
They tend to do it abruptly and unexpectedly catching a woman off guard and the women get flustered, and they never forget the event. Men will always have that type of power, regardless of how feminist and independent a woman is. It is confusing and scary when we think we one of the gang, and find out we are much less, and we have to be careful around all men because some men cannot be trusted, even men we know as friends and peers. That is not equality.
Women are coming out with this now because enough is enough, and they feel at this time and with the support of other victims they can finally speak out. If we can't stop it we can at least out the abusers who have been doing it and let them face some consequences.
I agree.
PLUS, we tend to believe we did something to bring that behavior on. Somehow, it was our fault. We dressed too sexy, we were too friendly, etc.
Men will always have that type of power, regardless of how feminist and independent a woman is. It is confusing and scary when we think we one of the gang, and find out we are much less, and we have to be careful around all men because some men cannot be trusted, even men we know as friends and peers. That is not equality.
Yes very true. I have given this subject a lot of thought...men, even the good ones, realize it too. Whenever these topics come up about sex assault or even modern dating situations, I have lost count of the men I know expressing the sentiment, "I am so glad I am not a woman". I honestly can't think of a man who hasn't said it at some point.
Think about that for a minute. Particularly anyone on here who's still zinging the women as another poster said.
There are a lot of reasons a girl/woman may not report assault.
Indeed. I would say if she wasn't physically injured or harmed, reporting it is as traumatic as the assault. Who needs that?
And if your story can be corroborated, nobody wants to be a witness because they and their careers would then be on the line.
Good luck, ladies!
If there is actual physical assault, first you have to see a doctor, who pokes and prods. This would be especially traumatic for young girls. Then there's the questioning. The questions are designed to make you feel like a liar. Then, if anybody believes you, there are the charges and the trial.
Reporting a knock down actual rape would be hard, even if the victim is beat up, bruised, and bleeding. Reporting a verbal assault just isn't worth it.
A little bit of background...My husband and I have a camping lot in a gated community, and that community has a facebook group page.
Several months ago, I had posted a question about cell phone service out there on the community page. One person had messaged me about a particular cell phone carrier, and we had a brief but friendly back and forth, message wise. Looking back, I suppose I could've/should've seen a red flag, when he mentioned something about liking to look at the ladies, but not when his girlfriend was around. I joked something back about that being a fast way to lose said girlfriend if she found out.
Fast forward to last Monday, and I get a message out of the blue from this guy. Seeing as he's part of the group, I assume he has a question to do with group.
The conversation goes south fast. Starts out telling me that he and his girlfriend broke up 3 months previous, and he's lonely. I don't think TOO much of it...just assume his lonliness is at the forefront of his mind. As the conversation goes on, I'm perceiving that he's hitting on me, so I tell him straight up that if he's hitting on me, he should know that I'm happily married.
He tells me he knows that, and then acts like I totally misconstrued where he was coming from. Then he tells me that because he's lonely, he's been whacking off first thing in the morning, to start the day off right. I don't respond to that. So then he says "I shouldn't have said that. I'm sorry. I bet you want to slap me." I respond "Well, I can't slap you through my phone, but I accept your apology."
Then, at some point, he implies that while we were messaging back and forth, he was whacking off. Again, I don't respond...I'm insulted, and shocked. He apologizes again, and says "I shouldn't have said that." I don't respond.
And then, last but not least, he tells me how attractive I am, and would SO DO ME, if I was single. At that point, I tell him the conversation is over. He responds back with, "Yeah, I scared you off. I'm sorry. It won't happen again."
The last thing he messaged me was "Are you still mad at me?"
Well...yeah. And I'm disgusted, a little freaked out, and I AM mad. (Well, I was mad. It was a week ago.) I didn't lead this guy on, and yet, felt like using me for...masturbating.
I thought about telling him how mad I was, but decided that this was a nasty piece of fruit that needed to die on the vine, so he's blocked, and that's the end of that little bit of slime.
Here's the thing...at first, I was wracking my brain on what I did to encourage this. I didn't do anything.
I got 3 apologies from him. I know NOW that I should've just shut him down and blocked him after the first apology...but I thought 'sorry' really meant sorry. Now I know that for him, saying 'sorry' was just a way to keep on going.
Sassyblue, this guy presumably knows where you live. He can likely see when your husband is away. I would make a police report, even though no crime has been committed at this point. Someone needs a record of this. Someone who can't take no for an answer is dangerous, imo.
I completely get why these accusations are popping up like this. It is safety in numbers. More and more people are coming forward because they feel safer doing so knowing that others are going through the same thing. You take a single person who accuses someone of the likes of Weinstein and if they are alone in this, their career would be destroyed as well as their reputation because all it takes is for him to say "it didn't happen at all and if you keep going forward with this, I'll sue you to the moon." A lot of these women are damned if they do and damned if they don't. People question why they didn't come forward right away, but now that they are coming forward, people are questioning whether or not it even happened. Truly is sad.
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