Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I got married before the rise of dating apps, but I have a much younger sister and am regularly around her circle of friends. They are all pretty desirable in terms of education, looks, profession - etc. Almost all of them date almost exclusively off the apps. Its so wierd to me - they say its rare to be asked out in-person. (They would be open to that - but that is just now how men approach women unfortunately).
You sound pretty affected by your recent breakup - so I don't think you are in a right place to date just yet. I would join something like Dallas Sports and Social to expand your network and organically meet people. https://www.dallassocialclub.com/
I think it depends upon what you are looking for and where you live. My 34 year old lawyer friend (think 10/10) is moving to Dallas from LA - in part because she thinks it will be a better single scene. She is planning on living in Uptown and knowing her - will mostly date professionals 30-40 years of age who live within 20 minutes.
This is exactly my demographic. I used to live in NYC so I know what it's like dating in a huge metroplex like that. People have lots of options. Because of that, a lot of people tend to flake and aren't sure on committing. I've always been one who wanted something serious to build off. Also a professional. Not opposed to dating someone a few years older than me (31).
I got married before the rise of dating apps, but I have a much younger sister and am regularly around her circle of friends. They are all pretty desirable in terms of education, looks, profession - etc. Almost all of them date almost exclusively off the apps. Its so wierd to me - they say its rare to be asked out in-person. (They would be open to that - but that is just now how men approach women unfortunately).
You sound pretty affected by your recent breakup - so I don't think you are in a right place to date just yet. I would join something like Dallas Sports and Social to expand your network and organically meet people. https://www.dallassocialclub.com/
Yeah, isn't it? Not sure of your age, but I've never been that big of a fan of dating apps to begin with. I'd much rather talk to someone and feel how their presence is.
Oh, I am incredibly affected by this breakup. We'd just moved back in together a couple of months ago, we looked at rings together. I really, really wanted to marry this girl. Just wanted to give it until 2023 when we were past our initial breakup.
OP, here's my thought on your situation. Take it in a positive way even if you may not like to hear some:
1. Put STOP sign for your ex-girlfriend even if she wants to have a casual friendship or want to come back. Not worth playing with your emotions.
2. Clear your mind about having kids. If you ever want to have kids, then identify exact timeline. Knowing this will help you tremendously from future breakups or dating issues.
3. If you don't want kids, but still want to marry then please be transparent to future date.
4. Woman generally want to have kids until she is 38 or below. That's when their chance of conceiving goes really down. Dating someone of that age is a safe bet than dating someone below 30 at this point. I've seen many girls who don't want to have any kids but suddenly they change their mind after getting married and want to have kids. I've seen breakups and divorces due to change in mind.
5. Join group of your interests on "Meetup" site and plan to attend some of those. This will allow you to build your own social network.
6. I'm a strong believer that marriage should be like parents. You don't give divorce to your father or mother, so always look for a woman who makes you believe that she will spend rest of your life only with you.
7. Give Dallas at least 1 year to see if you can find someone that you like, otherwise explore CA or NYC options.
8. You don't need to drink alcohol just to find a date. I don't drink alcohol and happily married for 10+ years.
I wish you the very best to find the best partner you deserve.
OP, here's my thought on your situation. Take it in a positive way even if you may not like to hear some:
1. Put STOP sign for your ex-girlfriend even if she wants to have a casual friendship or want to come back. Not worth playing with your emotions.
2. Clear your mind about having kids. If you ever want to have kids, then identify exact timeline. Knowing this will help you tremendously from future breakups or dating issues.
3. If you don't want kids, but still want to marry then please be transparent to future date.
4. Woman generally want to have kids until she is 38 or below. That's when their chance of conceiving goes really down. Dating someone of that age is a safe bet than dating someone below 30 at this point. I've seen many girls who don't want to have any kids but suddenly they change their mind after getting married and want to have kids. I've seen breakups and divorces due to change in mind.
5. Join group of your interests on "Meetup" site and plan to attend some of those. This will allow you to build your own social network.
6. I'm a strong believer that marriage should be like parents. You don't give divorce to your father or mother, so always look for a woman who makes you believe that she will spend rest of your life only with you.
7. Give Dallas at least 1 year to see if you can find someone that you like, otherwise explore CA or NYC options.
8. You don't need to drink alcohol just to find a date. I don't drink alcohol and happily married for 10+ years.
I wish you the very best to find the best partner you deserve.
Thanks for this, this is all really good advice. I'd like to respond to some of your points and also get further info on your thoughts:
2-4. I've always felt kids rely on more on the woman for the decision to have them or not, as long as we are in good financial standing. I grew up fairly poor/parents living paycheck-to-paycheck. My only criteria is really "are we in a financially stable and secure position" for children. My ex wasn't interested in kids at all. I'd even mentioned to her that she might change her mind on that, and I was willing to change with that as well.
5. I need to look at meetup again. I haven't seen a lot going on meetup here in Dallas. I used to use it a lot in NYC, it's how I made a great group of friends. Met my ex through a run club there actually.
6. Noted. I believe the same. My parents split when I was really young, and I never want that to happen to me.
7. See, I'm not sure on this quite yet...I've been in Dallas for 2 years already. I'm not sure what my plan is, but the plan is to eventually break the lease at the current place we are at. I feel like it's been hard to make friends here as well. My job is fully remote, and I make a really great salary (around $200K) with only a car payment as debt.
So far I've thought maybe I should try Austin, Philadelphia, Atlanta, DC, San Diego...so many places. I'm not interested in selling my car and moving back to NYC quite yet. I feel like it's hard to get financially ahead there no matter what you are making. I'd like to be comfortable and save for retirement/save up for a house. I guess it's a question if I can meet someone here who shares a lot of the same values as me.
8. Absolutely! Just throwing it out there. I'm way happier without alcohol in my system. I don't mind if a potential partner
Having lived in NYC, Austin, and DFW, I can tell you that
1) Social circle is key to everything
2) Forming a new social circle is hard
3) Remote work makes social circle building even harder
4) Moving to a brand new city will not make it easier
5) Meetup is a good start but the quality of meetups varies pretty drastically
If I were you, I'd see if I can find some veteran/ex-military groups in your area. Not necessarily an old stuffy VFW post, but there should be some groups in the area with younger vets like you & me. You'll be made fun of a bit for being a coastie, but you'll also be able to connect more easily with them IMO. I'm a reservist myself but the military has been the "seed" of my social circle pretty much everywhere I go.
Having lived in NYC, Austin, and DFW, I can tell you that
1) Social circle is key to everything
2) Forming a new social circle is hard
3) Remote work makes social circle building even harder
4) Moving to a brand new city will not make it easier
5) Meetup is a good start but the quality of meetups varies pretty drastically
To Point 1-There are men in metro areas of less than 500,000 that generally have an easier time in dating endeavors than men in Dallas or similarly sized cities because they have a social circle in those smaller cities and the men in Dallas/similarly sized cities don't have a social circle.
To Point 2-Mostly anyone can find friends. Finding a social circle that can provide qualified introductions is the difficult and time consuming part.
This thread has made me happy to be happily married. I met my wife before apps/online dating were really the norm (2009), and I would honestly be at a loss to have to do all of this. The last time I was single, women thought it was shady if you texted them instead of called them after getting their number. Much has changed.
The running groups tip is a good one. I used to run with the Fort Worth Social Runners just for exercise some, and it would have been a great place to mean singles.
Thanks for this, this is all really good advice. I'd like to respond to some of your points and also get further info on your thoughts:
2-4. I've always felt kids rely on more on the woman for the decision to have them or not, as long as we are in good financial standing. I grew up fairly poor/parents living paycheck-to-paycheck. My only criteria is really "are we in a financially stable and secure position" for children. My ex wasn't interested in kids at all. I'd even mentioned to her that she might change her mind on that, and I was willing to change with that as well.
5. I need to look at meetup again. I haven't seen a lot going on meetup here in Dallas. I used to use it a lot in NYC, it's how I made a great group of friends. Met my ex through a run club there actually.
6. Noted. I believe the same. My parents split when I was really young, and I never want that to happen to me.
7. See, I'm not sure on this quite yet...I've been in Dallas for 2 years already. I'm not sure what my plan is, but the plan is to eventually break the lease at the current place we are at. I feel like it's been hard to make friends here as well. My job is fully remote, and I make a really great salary (around $200K) with only a car payment as debt.
So far I've thought maybe I should try Austin, Philadelphia, Atlanta, DC, San Diego...so many places. I'm not interested in selling my car and moving back to NYC quite yet. I feel like it's hard to get financially ahead there no matter what you are making. I'd like to be comfortable and save for retirement/save up for a house. I guess it's a question if I can meet someone here who shares a lot of the same values as me.
8. Absolutely! Just throwing it out there. I'm way happier without alcohol in my system. I don't mind if a potential partner
Kids - In all honesty, with 200K salary even as single income parent can grow kids in Dallas. I would recommend you to consult financial advisor and learn more on financial demand to support kids. I've kids and plan to support them financially thru their undergrad, but I can understand that not all parents can afford that or believe providing financial help after high school. I personally know a friend, who was scared to become parent and not ready to have baby until he hold the baby in his hands and now he thinks it's the best thing happened in his life.
6 - Sorry to know that your parents went thru the split. But don't discourage yourself that it could happen to you. Commitment and adjustment requires from both sides and that leads to a successful marriage.
7. Austin is more vibrant than DFW. Going to CA and NYC will change your lifestyle as well. Based on what I read, it appears that you prefer to stay in major cities with moderate cost of living which goes against staying in NYC or even San Diego.
PS: Finding a life partner is difficult as finding a new job or even more lengthy process. Patience is required in both. Clear your head on what you want from your partner, define the process to find the perfect match and follow it. Always look for improvement in the process as necessary.
If you like hiking Dallas Sierra Club has a singles group….. Dallas Sierra Club
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
