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I'm not trying to lecture you, cali. My tone is just coming off as emphatic because I'm passionate about this issue. I think we are way too tolerant of poisonous diets.
Now you are just being silly. I stated in an earlier post that he could have active dates with her (walking, hiking, swimming) or he could offer to make dinner for her making very healthy foods. They could go to the farmer's market together to pick out veggies and fruit to create a meal together.
Beyond that HE can not do anything. It is her body.
Again, I pretty much agree with you on everything, cali. I see being with a partner with a chronically bad diet and chronically bad exercise habits the same as being with someone who is an addict. There is nothing you can do to change them. Separation is probably the best course. Unfortunately, if you leave someone for abusing their body with food, you'll be seen as a shallow, calloused jerk -- whereas if you leave someone for being a drug addict, you're seen as making a brave, necessary decision.
Again, I pretty much agree with you on everything, cali. I see being with a partner with a chronically bad diet and chronically bad exercise habits the same as being with someone who is an addict. There is nothing you can do to change them. Separation is probably the best course. Unfortunately, if you leave someone for abusing their body with food, you'll be seen as a shallow, calloused jerk -- whereas if you leave someone for being a drug addict, you're seen as making a brave, necessary decision.
It really is just oh so very simple. Here, let me explain.
If someone's lifestyle and/or habits are incompatible with my own....I leave. Easy peasy. Done. I'm not going to try to mold, bend and change someone else to suit me. I will let that person continue to be exactly who they are and I will free myself to find a person who is more compatible to my lifestyle/needs. Easy. Simple. Done.
Again, I pretty much agree with you on everything, cali. I see being with a partner with a chronically bad diet and chronically bad exercise habits the same as being with someone who is an addict. There is nothing you can do to change them. Separation is probably the best course. Unfortunately, if you leave someone for abusing their body with food, you'll be seen as a shallow, calloused jerk -- whereas if you leave someone for being a drug addict, you're seen as making a brave, necessary decision.
It is ironic isn't it?
Yes Addicts always need to replace their drug of choice with another drug of choice. Once the bodies in balance, these things take care of themselves. That's why eating right and exercising can't be optional. Otherwise those that choose to self desctruct are left to their own demise. That's not love. You understand this but most of the people in this thread seem stuck on vanity, not health. Hopefully if I ever get to that point (and i did after my accident) my husband intervenes again. It was him who told me to quit eating junk.
It really is just oh so very simple. Here, let me explain.
If someone's lifestyle and/or habits are incompatible with my own....I leave. Easy peasy. Done. I'm not going to try to mold, bend and change someone else to suit me. I will let that person continue to be exactly who they are and I will free myself to find a person who is more compatible to my lifestyle/needs. Easy. Simple. Done.
No. It's not ok for an addict to find another addict which accomodates their drug of choice. It is our responsibility as caring human beings to assist those who are spiraling downward. Your post is unfeeling and self centered. It's not about other people, it's about them. And by self destructing, you only pull others down with you. Life is too short for that
No. It's not ok for an addict to find another addict which accomodates their drug of choice. It is our responsibility as caring human beings to assist those who are spiraling downward. Your post is unfeeling and self centered. It's not about other people, it's about them. And by self destructing, you only pull others down with you. Life is too short for that
It is also not ok for a person who is healthy to try to force another person to change when it is out of their control.
How is it "uncaring" to realize that I can not change someone else? People who are codependent are the ones who feel a need to be saviors and martyrs. If I am dating someone who has habits or a lifestyle that is not compatible with my own...I wish that person well and leave. How is loving and respecting myself "unfeeling and self-centered"? If I am emotionally healthy, why should I invest in someone who is not?
Who died and made you boss of everyone else that you think you should have the power to "allow" anyone to have a certain weight?
You are not the boss of anyone but yourself. The sooner you understand that, the less time you will waste on attempting to play nutritional deity.
You are being disengenous. I never stated "A certain weight" in fact, I included the fact that a person can be heavier and still be healthy. Read my posts.
You are promoting destruction. Yet don't want anyone else to promote health. Quite telling
OP, after reading all of the replies and thinking this over, I have a solution for you. You should tell your gf of three years the following:
You're too fat for me. I am looking for a woman who respects herself too much to abuse her body with food. We're through.
My guess is that this will be a big wake up call for her and she will lose a lot of weight -- once you and she have been separated of course. She will forever hate you. You'll be the biggest jerk in the world to her -- but you will have kept her from an early grave.
It is also not ok for a person who is healthy to try to force another person to change when it is out of their control.
Force, as if hold them down? Of course that's not ok!
Quote:
How is it "uncaring" to realize that I can not change someone else?
What in the world? Change someone else? this is about someone eating themselves into oblivion who needs help. How in the world does helping someone equate to "changing them"
And even so, what in the world is wrong with "changing someone" we take people to the doctor to get well That changes their health. It "changes someone" why is that so evil to you, how is caring and loving someone to have a better life turned into a bad thing? Why does this offend you so much?
If you want to self destruct, go for it. But don't try to promote it for others.
Quote:
People who are codependent are the ones who feel a need to be saviors and martyrs.
It's always about others for you isn't it? Though that person needs help, somehow it's twisted into a sefl righteous thing. Wake up, become human. Care about others. Quit worring about motives, then assuming the worst in the process.
Quote:
If I am dating someone who has habits or a lifestyle that is not compatible with my own...I wish that person well and leave.
Well people are quite disposable to you then? Maybe it's that mindset that contributes to others who eat this type of junk, who turn their bodies into garbage disposals? Luckily the world is full of people who DO Care.
Quote:
How is loving and respecting myself "unfeeling and self-centered"? If I am emotionally healthy, why should I invest in someone who is not?
Trust me, you're not emotionally healthy. Your mindset is of a sick person who needs help. You push self destruction, not hope, caring or love. It's not about you. The world isn't about US. Think of others.
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