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This has to get easier. Alright, I'll accept some of the responsibility. My daughter is not well organized. She is bright, but getting her to set up notebooks and a good system of organization for her school work has proven more difficult than I thought. Some examples of things that drive me crazy:
1. Endless emails from different people at the school. Not one school day goes by without at least one email. Some are important. Some are just a waste of everyone's time. If you miss one email, one deadline, the consequences can be severe. No school photos. No ability to turn in an assignment because the email three weeks ago gave a deadline. The band teacher writes at least once a week demanding something new out of parents.
2. Endless busy work. Despite the fact that my daughter is an excellent clarinet player, her whole grade can turn into a C in a twinkling because she forgot to turn in a weekly practice card. I am startled how many times parents are expected to sign some form and send it back to school. Can't the school presume consent when it comes to anything if the form isn't returned? Who invented all this paperwork that had to be constantly signed?
3. Don't be one day late when it comes to paying for school lunches or your child may be either denied lunch or given a bowl of fruit instead of lunch. Yes, let's not consider the fact that some parents actually pay for school lunch while hordes of others get a waiver. If you are one day late, by golly, that's one day too many. Paying property taxes to support public education for better than 20 years means nothing. Make sure every day of that school lunch is paid for in advance!
4. English grades. The kids are graded in four separate areas. Its almost a maze trying to keep up. One missing assignment in one area over an entire term can make a grade drop dramatically.
The bottomline? I'm probably a whiner, but school seems a lot more about administration and doing A, B, and C (in that order) than it does about students learning anything. Seventh graders shouldn't be taught that the world is an arbitrary, inflexible system that prefers organization and order to intelligence, creativity, and flexibility.
I've supported public education my whole life, but there are aspects of this system that are beyond ridiculous.
There are a few things I noticed about your post. One, yes, you could be considered a whiner by some as you've put it. As you can see that attitude is only going to make you vulnerable to getting pounced on by others. I don't necessarily see it as whining but that you yourself don't feel organized and feel overwhelmed. If you address your own frustration with it I think your daughter will benefit. Don't view it yourself as whining, view it as time to re organize priorities and make some positive changes.
I also see a lack of respect. I see a lack of respect toward yourself as well as your daughters lack of interest in preforming her best at school, the teachers she has as well as the system you've chosen. You need to address that, take control of that before you just dismiss it to general ignorance of intelligence, creativity and flexibility. It's easy to feel this way with all that is riding on education now due to the economy, etc.
What does your daughter want out of her school experience? What do you want out of it? There are many choices to meet ones educational needs these days. Simply don't support a system that isn't working for you. Trying to manipulate a whole system will prove difficult. If she wants more control give it to her. E-school, homeschool are all options. School has a 1,2,3 punch. You need elementary school to move on to high school, then to college. Your end goal is securing a decent job you can handle. Make this simple for yourself and her. It's personal to her, it doesn't matter what anyone else does or thinks. If she respects herself it will be automatic to respect others. We all have faults, respect is due regardless. If we don't respect our choices then we made the wrong ones. It's never to late to change the choice.
If you choose to play football then football would be expected from you. You would need to respect the team, coaches and trust that you made the right choice. If it isn't for you then switch to a method that you can respect. Every choice will have it's benefits as well as it's faults. The faults are no excuse for lack of respect. This really comes down to you and your child. Make a few lists regarding which system of learning will work for both of you, decide on which one you will take on and preform as needed. Don't sweat the small things like emails, etc. Those are trivial to your over all goals. Do what's expected for the system you've chosen. Have a end goal, i.e. graduation. Stick to it! Even if you fail on single attempts get back on track.
Excuses don't really benefit you, regardless of being an adult, a child, or a teacher in a system you dislike, it will never have a good outcome that way, you won't ever feel good. Make you and your daughters goals more personal, don't let the small stuff detour your end result. List making, goal orientation, respect for the direction you choose, those are all good things to learn for life. Include her in every step of this planning.
I'm not going to rant about parents making teachers act badly, that is just an excuse. I am also not going to rant about teachers making students or parents act badly as that is just an excuse as well. Each person deserves the title they've given themselves by what they say and what they do daily. My advice is to learn to take oranges and make orange juice out of them. Stop complaining about small things and certainly don't let uptight teachers or single minded friends influence your goals. If she has teachers that have no respect, then that shouldn't influence her end goal. If she does then she will find she can rise above the crap that hangs at the bottom after school.
Good luck to you and don't forget to stay above the needless, keep your goals personal and get what you want out of the system you pick. Taking control of ones self will help her out. School is stressful, make sure she also gets plenty of sleep and exercise, a good diet. It's as difficult to attend school as teachers say it is to teach it. Keep this in mind, she needs a good outlook and diet. She doesn't get immediate pay for her time like the teacher does, it has to be goal orientated, short goals that work for the good of the large long term goal.
These are life long lessons regardless of institutions she will attend. It will help with everything. Look over the top and to the goal at the end, do what's necessary to get there be it emailing, making sure lunch is paid, etc. Those are small things to worry about if you are looking at the big picture. If she is in middle school and likes to take control then virtual schooling might be your answer. Maybe a smaller charter school would make it easier to handle. What ever the choice, public, private, eschooling, homeschooling, charter schooling, make a goal, have respect for your choice and don't sweat the small things.
Last edited by PoppySead; 01-07-2012 at 07:05 AM..
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If they can do this at our school (college prep PK3-12) they can do it anywhere. Our kids are not smarter than anyone else. However these types of assignments would be deemed inappropriately difficult for middle/high school students in my local public schools. I know quite a few kids that graduated from public HS in FL with good grades who never wrote a research paper.
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The problem is we're dealing with parents who have unrealistic expectations for their kids. Just listen to mothers of preschoolers talk. You'd get the impression that 2/3 of their kids are gifted. The other 1/3 have issues that excuse their not being ahead of the curve. The proof that their children are so smart is grades once they enter school. If they can't make the grade, there must be something wrong with the school OR the child has a learning disability that makes it ok for them not to excel and now the school must do more for this child. Schools are pressured for all children to pass. No parent will accept that their child just can't cut it. They just need something different the school isn't giving them (special snowflake syndrome).
The problem is that no one seems to have average kids let alone below average kids yet, statistically speaking, half of our kids should be below average with the majority clustered around average. I teach at a school where the most common grade given is an A. A's are meaningless but it's even more important that your child get them because such a high percentage of our students do. So now a B is a horrible grade.
I teach chemistry. Chemistry is not easy. Only about 1/4th of my students get A's (and I think that is too high but I would be risking my job to push the bar any higher.). For many of my students, mine is the first class they will really struggle with. Parents cannot accept this. I get emails all the time informing me that student X isn't performing up to their normal level in my class (implying that MY CLASS is the problem here). Parents want to meet with me to see what *I* am doing wrong or how *I* can fix their child's grade. Seriously, folks, a B in chemistry is NOT a bad grade. Your child struggling in my class means that your child is developing study skills and coping mechanisms they will need in college. If you insist on making it easy for your child, your child will only be prepared to do that which is easy. If you insist on fixing it for your child, your child will expect others to fix things for him.
If the aim is to raise self reliant adults who are prepared to enter the real world and take over, I've got news for many parents out there...YOU DESERVE AN F....YOU FAIL... I teach 10th and 11th grades. I shouldn't talk to parents at all. By now, the kids should be responsible for deadlines, making up missed work, pulling up grades if they feel they need to be pulled up.....THEY should be seeing me to see what they can do to improver not you mom...Seriously, cut the damned umbilical cord already...
Edited to add: I really wish I could say this to the parents who are meeting me about their son's B this week but I can't. I will have to come up with a plan for him to raise that grade to an A when the best thing for him would be to let him get a B. He will learn more EARNING a B than he will by mom helping him get an A. Why can't parents see that they do their kids no favors by raising them as special snowflakes who deserve special treatment?
Signed: Proud mom of two NOT so special kids. My kids are typical in more ways than they are not. And they're growing up better prepared to deal with the real world than many of the kids I teach because I don't treat them as if they are special and deserving of special treatment. If they don't like their grade, they can fix it. If I don't like their grade, they're grounded until they fix it. End of story. If they need the teacher's help, they need to meet with the teacher to get it. I would rather they EARN a B than be handed an A. I'll hire a tutor if they are failing but not to raise a B to an A. I'd rather they earn their grades.
Last edited by Ivorytickler; 01-07-2012 at 07:56 AM..
Well the system wants to hold the teacher responsible for the student's grades now, not the student.
Obviously the teacher cannot do the homework and take the tests and complete the projects FOR the students so they have to document, document, document to the parent which sometimes falls on the wayside because when little Johnny fails, it's still the teacher's fault.
When parents start holding the student responsible and leave the teachers alone to do their jobs then maybe the tide will start turning.
Well the system wants to hold the teacher responsible for the student's grades now, not the student.
Obviously the teacher cannot do the homework and take the tests and complete the projects FOR the students so they have to document, document, document to the parent which sometimes falls on the wayside because when little Johnny fails, it's still the teacher's fault.
When parents start holding the student responsible and leave the teachers alone to do their jobs then maybe the tide will start turning.
This is so VERY true. I get tired of hearing parents complain that "the teacher GAVE my child" whatever grade--sorry honey, but your child EARNED that grade for whatever reason. If your child doesn't study for tests and doesn't turn in homework, your child deserves the F s/he got.
As for the so called "busy work" the OP is complaining about, the band director can't sit with each child and watch them practice. They are holding the child accountable for doing their band "homework", which is practicing their instrument. It's no different then a child having to turn in a paper for English class.
Everything the OP has complained about is simply teaching a child to be responsible. You can be an "excellent employee" but if you don't do your work you ARE going to get fired. Schools are just trying to teach children that same lesson. What is wrong with that?
Well the system wants to hold the teacher responsible for the student's grades now, not the student.
Obviously the teacher cannot do the homework and take the tests and complete the projects FOR the students so they have to document, document, document to the parent which sometimes falls on the wayside because when little Johnny fails, it's still the teacher's fault.
When parents start holding the student responsible and leave the teachers alone to do their jobs then maybe the tide will start turning.
Wow, simply wow. Every time I read a thread like this one, I realize what an absolute gem of a school district we have in my little town. No daily e-mails, no endless stream of paperwork that needs to be signed, and above all... no useless "PC" crap. Notes are sent home if there is something special going on, but they don't have to be signed and returned, just an informative note. It is up the student to take responsibility to make sure we parents get it. If we don't and complain to the school, the answer is always the same: "Note was sent home, I suggest you ask _____ what happened to it. Sorry you/they missed it, but that is part of teaching the student they are responsible for their actions or lack thereof." First time I heard that answer I wanted to give the Principal a hug and send one along to each member of the school board for having some common sense. If your child is doing poorly, they let you know right away and work together to try and get the kid back on track.
Late lunch money... you get a note from the kitchen after charging 2 meals letting you know your child is out of money in their lunch account. The kid ALWAYS gets a meal no matter what. After a week of charged lunches with no reply from the Parent the hot lunches stop, but the kids continue to get a "sack lunch" which consists of the kids choice of a sandwich (PB&J, Ham and Cheese, or bologna), the salad bar, juice or milk, an apple or orange, and a roll. The Parents will get a bill from the school for the lunches, but the kids do NOT miss meals during school.
This is the best District I have ever had the pleasure of dealing with, and one of the best I have heard of. The kids are the #1 priority and it shows. Yes we are a small, struggling, poor, rural school district; but that also works in our favor because nobody is here for flash and show.
Quote:
Originally Posted by HappyTexan
When parents start holding the student responsible and leave the teachers alone to do their jobs then maybe the tide will start turning.
Happy Texan, you will be happy to know there are still school districts out there who hold the student responsible for the grades earned and will back their Teachers in their ability to give the true grade earned and not the one the Student or the Parents think should be given.
This has to get easier. Alright, I'll accept some of the responsibility. My daughter is not well organized. She is bright, but getting her to set up notebooks and a good system of organization for her school work has proven more difficult than I thought. Some examples of things that drive me crazy:
1. Endless emails from different people at the school. Not one school day goes by without at least one email. Some are important. Some are just a waste of everyone's time. If you miss one email, one deadline, the consequences can be severe. No school photos. No ability to turn in an assignment because the email three weeks ago gave a deadline. The band teacher writes at least once a week demanding something new out of parents.
2. Endless busy work. Despite the fact that my daughter is an excellent clarinet player, her whole grade can turn into a C in a twinkling because she forgot to turn in a weekly practice card. I am startled how many times parents are expected to sign some form and send it back to school. Can't the school presume consent when it comes to anything if the form isn't returned? Who invented all this paperwork that had to be constantly signed?
3. Don't be one day late when it comes to paying for school lunches or your child may be either denied lunch or given a bowl of fruit instead of lunch. Yes, let's not consider the fact that some parents actually pay for school lunch while hordes of others get a waiver. If you are one day late, by golly, that's one day too many. Paying property taxes to support public education for better than 20 years means nothing. Make sure every day of that school lunch is paid for in advance!
4. English grades. The kids are graded in four separate areas. Its almost a maze trying to keep up. One missing assignment in one area over an entire term can make a grade drop dramatically.
The bottomline? I'm probably a whiner, but school seems a lot more about administration and doing A, B, and C (in that order) than it does about students learning anything. Seventh graders shouldn't be taught that the world is an arbitrary, inflexible system that prefers organization and order to intelligence, creativity, and flexibility.
I've supported public education my whole life, but there are aspects of this system that are beyond ridiculous.
No offense, but it sounds like you are the one with the organization problem! I do agree that school administration has become rampant and way bloated!
Parents, you have the education you wanted: one that was easy, undemanding, full of postive feedback. Seldom is heard a discouraging word.
You wanted a system where teachers wouldn't make it too hard on kids, wouldn't tell them in any way that they were anything less than perfect. (Of course, you can't really educate someone who is perfect, because by definition, if you are perfect, you don't need to be improved by education.)
You didn't want long projects because kids failed them.
You didn't want hard books because kids didn't want to read them and they interfered with sports or extracurricular activities.
You didn't want them to have to write because writing is hard.
You didn't want them to have only a handful of important tests every quarter because kids didn't want to study for them and you complained about all the homework.
You got constant emails and calls because you complained so often that the ten million times teachers tell students about important due dates just wasn't enough.
You didn't want them to learn math in their heads because math is hard.
Congratulations.
^This.
I teach college and the results of the above can be seen there. The overwhelming majority of my students are not interested in doing any work. To do so requires effort and is too hard.
Classes start Monday and I've already had students email to tell me that they weren't going to buy the book and wanted to know how they could expect to do in the course
My all time favorite was when I had a few students who didn't complete the essay portion of an exam. When I asked why, one student said, "You didn't tell us we had to do the essay, so I didn't do it." It is things like this that tell me that I need to send multiple email reminders. Then my end of semester evaluations say things like, "The excessive email reminders were ridiculous."
FWIW, I've been at this college for seven years, and after this semester, I am done. I can't take it for one more day. Education is in a terrible cycle, and I don't see it changing in my lifetime. I would not define my job as "teaching," so I'm going to pursue other interests.
I teach college and the results of the above can be seen there. The overwhelming majority of my students are not interested in doing any work. To do so requires effort and is too hard.
Classes start Monday and I've already had students email to tell me that they weren't going to buy the book and wanted to know how they could expect to do in the course
My all time favorite was when I had a few students who didn't complete the essay portion of an exam. When I asked why, one student said, "You didn't tell us we had to do the essay, so I didn't do it." It is things like this that tell me that I need to send multiple email reminders. Then my end of semester evaluations say things like, "The excessive email reminders were ridiculous."
FWIW, I've been at this college for seven years, and after this semester, I am done. I can't take it for one more day. Education is in a terrible cycle, and I don't see it changing in my lifetime. I would not define my job as "teaching," so I'm going to pursue other interests.
I can recall several threads here where parents have gotten upset because their child didn't do an assignment or did it wrong and got a bad grade in a class. These were kids in 4th grade on up but mostly I see this with 4th grade parents because this is when teachers start working with kids to listen to ORAL directions. A teacher gives oral directions on how to do an assignment. My favorite one was where a student brought home a spelling list. Several of the words on the list were spelled wrong. The teacher told the class that they were to find the misspelled words and find the correct spelling for them and then all of the words were on the spelling list. Well, the parent emailed the teacher about her poor spelling ability .. The child didn't listen in class. All of this hand-holding through every step of every process is really not a good thing.
Forgot to mention that the schools here also are quite remarkable when it comes to offering a challenge to the students that are actually appropriate for the Student. My 6th grader just finished "Flowers for Algernon" for his English class book report, and my 8th grader is finishing "Robinson Crusoe" for his English report.
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I teach at a school where the most common grade given is an A. A's are meaningless but it's even more important that your child get them because such a high percentage of our students do. So now a B is a horrible grade. 
.. The child didn't listen in class. All of this hand-holding through every step of every process is really not a good thing.
