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Thank you so much for your replies so far, very helpful.
I will clarify as I didn't describe it correctly in my original post. His emotional and social needs are not being met. When I wrote he is ok behavior wise at school I meant he hasn't had any bad outbursts there, no anti social behavior at school and other extreme things listed on the assessment form used to make a recommendation for retention. We would never let it get that far. However there are many other signs and changes that we as parents see in him. So the school sees his behavior as fine but we know he is not doing ok and we know it's not the right level for him.
So it is not due to sports, but social and emotional needs.
Is he already seeing a child psychologist or reputable licensed therapist? I'd certainly try such an intervention before I'd take the drastic step of holding him back a grade.
1) Being the youngest\smallest BOY in class is not generally a good thing, for girls it's an entirely different situation.
2) All public schools in a state are absolutely NOT REMOTELY EQUAL. They are not funded the same in some states with richer areas having more equipment and so forth not to mention that larger schools are able to offer broader curriculum like advanced AP\IB classes, higher math and so forth. Basics? Sure. But that's not going to be sufficient for many students.
If you feel strongly about this, move him to the private school that's willing to admit him into the 4th grade and leave him there for several years. You know your child better than anyone, and if your gut is telling you to do this, don't delay until it's too late. You are on the verge of too late.
Someone close to me should have done this. They talked about it, and talked about it, and talked some more and in the end they left their child where he was. (this was a discussion of having him repeat kindergarten due to obvious issues instead of progressing to 1st grade). Now at 13 years old, he is not only the smallest kid in his class, he doesn't have the maturity to handle the widening scope of projects or keep track of what he is supposed to be doing. It's a tough transition for some kids anyways, but this is just a whole different level of not ready. In the end, the very thing they were concerned about is before them in living color. And nothing they can do about it now. I realize your son doesn't have academic concerns, but the same idea applies...
Best wishes!
I have no idea what's best for this particular kid.
But I disagree with the assumption that, "You know your child better than anyone".
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