Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I could tell you many similar stories from my own family, around those times. In fact, our own society was not much different in its repression and degradation of women then, than are other cultural and religious groups that we freely condemn today.
In my mother's family, a young man was considered an adult at age 15 and he got to sit at the dinner table, where only men were allowed, with the exception of wives of visiting men (of course, they were expected not to talk and express any opinions, unless asked by a man). The woman of the house had to eat at a table in the kitchen, behind a closed door, along with all the children and any young or unmarried women, of any age.
No child or unmarried daughter of any age, was ever permitted to talk directly to the father, unless he spoke first. To speak to the father, first they had to get the permission of the mother and she would then ask the father if he would talk to them. This was not always granted. If the mother had died, the oldest daughter would take her place in supervising the children, which the father rarely would do. But, she still wouldn't be permitted to sit at the adult men's table, but just go in and out of the room, to serve the food.
If the woman or a daughter who had reached puberty wanted to go anywhere, she had to be escorted by an adult male family member. Does that sound familiar, in regards to some of those other current-day cultures we like so much to criticize? We have come a long way, over the last century. Is there hope that those other cultures will be able to catch up?
Good god. I had no idea it was that bad. This was in the US, right?
I don't recall any stories of my distant ancestors having those sorts of oppressive rules, but my family isn't from the US.
Good god. I had no idea it was that bad. This was in the US, right?
I don't recall any stories of my distant ancestors having those sorts of oppressive rules, but my family isn't from the US.
I wouldn't say it was "that bad in the US." How oppressive individual families operated, and still do operate, is pretty specific to the situation - the individual family dynamic, the individual culture, etc.
If this is a real situation about this new bride cutting her hair short and the husband is upset about it ?! A few things come to mind -
How much was discussed before they got married ?
Was it discussed that they both agreed to maintain individuality (within reason of course) or much wasn't discussed instead assumptions were made ?
Sounds like the husband needs a bit more maturing, he just sounds too young for marriage. Perhaps he wasn't ready for marriage, it's about two people supporting one another and growing together.
What is going to happen when the really big stuff that may happen that requires their time, focus & energy. Then this haircut that he's upset over wouldn't even enter the radar screen when/if he was dealing with bigger issues. Geez !
My first husband was a jerk. I got pregnant right after we were married, and I had fairly long hair. We lived in a very small house, with no shower, just a tub, and it was getting increasingly difficult to wash my hair in the bathtub. It was also getting dry, brittle and all those other things that go along with pregnancy for some women. So one day I had it cut short. It looked nice, and it was a lot easier to take care of. I did tell him about it beforehand, but I was not prepared for the backlash I got when I got home with short hair. He refused to speak to me for 4 days. I am so glad I got rid of his sorry a**!
Ha! I did the same thing only it was two months after the wedding.
I'd been growing it for years and I was just tired of washing it and styling it. I wanted a quicker and easier style and I got a lot of compliments on my new style (except from hubby)
I did warn him a few weeks before that I was going to do it, but when I got home later the day I got it cut, I knocked on our apartment door, he opened it, and shut it in my face.
Yes it hurt and he didn't understand why I wanted to cut it, but he got over it. We are now in our 38th year, so I guess he forgave me
A friend of mine was married to a man 25 years her senior. She was 25 and he was 50 when they married. She went grey at an early age, but never colored it because her husband liked it "natural". She also never cut it because he liked it long.
When she was 50, her husband died at age 75. Shortly after he passed, she had her hair stylishly cut and colored. She looked like a million bucks and the new color and style seriously made her look at least ten years younger. When she started dating, she was astonished because younger men practically fought over her. When she remarried, it was to someone around her age, but she could easily have chosen someone much younger.
Although she had been happily married to her first husband, she once confided to me that she wondered if he liked her "natural" hair because it made her look much older and less attractive. I didn't tell her that my husband and I had wondered the exact same thing.
Last edited by Shelia Shay; 10-02-2016 at 06:52 PM..
Reason: Grammar mistakes that were obvious even to me!
I think its worth acknowledging that it's not a matter of luck to be married to somebody who doesn't as a rule make demands of how a partner keeps his or her personal appearance. It's a choice. You can decide or not decide to marry somebody who operates that way. Metaphysique most likely wouldn't have chosen to marry somebody who required briefing on changes to one's grooming or personal styling, and needed to have their approval or disapproval noted. Frankly, neither would I, and neither would many people.
I would be amazed if more than a tiny minority of us married posters have spouses who don't try to control our appearance in some manner. Even my wife, the sweetest, most loving woman in the world, HATES it when I wear my waist length hair up in a bun. She tells me it makes me look like a frumpy schoolmarm. And I dislike when she wears bulky sweaters with shoulder pads. Not only are they out of style (it's not the 1980s anymore,) but since she weighs barely over 100 pounds, they completely swallow her up and overwhelm her petite features. We are loving supportive spouses, but when we look terrible in something, we voice our opinion because we want to be honest with each other, especially since the general public won't say anything; many people will just talk about us behind our back.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
