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When my brother died, my elderly parents had the funeral by them. My parents had a lot of condolence visits both before and after the funeral. Since most of their friends were also elderly, they tended to come in the late morning or mid-afternoon (before DARK). We had many people bring baked goods (sweets, bagels and cream cheese), and fresh fruit platters, which came in handy. My sister and I would make coffee and my parents and their visitors could have a piece of cake or cookies while they visited.
When my brother died, my elderly parents had the funeral by them. My parents had a lot of condolence visits both before and after the funeral. Since most of their friends were also elderly, they tended to come in the late morning or mid-afternoon (before DARK). We had many people bring baked goods (sweets, bagels and cream cheese), and fresh fruit platters, which came in handy. My sister and I would make coffee and my parents and their visitors could have a piece of cake or cookies while they visited.
That sounds very similar to the recent situation with at my grandmother's house. In addition to the chicken spaghetti, someone brought in a coconut cake and a banana nut bead. Distant family members came in from Texas and we served them coffee with the dessert (everyone tired from traveling).
We always send a party tray, with cold cuts, cheeses, buns, pickles, potato salad. That way folks can always make a sandwich throughout the day as needed, and no heating is required.
If they are in another city, some markets will deliver to the house.
I, too, like to help-out around the house as putting fresh linens on the beds, or running the vacuum cleaner are tremendous 'helps' to the family. I try to schedule it with a friend or two, and we go when the family is out, at a viewing, generally.
Because most people prepare dinner(s), I like to pick up the slack for lunch or breakfast, like others have suggested. A breakfast pizza, or casserole, a nice hearty bread, fruit salad, and/or a relish tray and cold cuts. Just snacks are sometimes nice -- those nice trail mixes that come in a cannister of their own, or an assortment of nuts. We also like to put together a basket with an assortment of one-pot decaf coffees, and nice blends of teas, with crackers and/or not-too-sweet cookies like shortbreads.
I never thought about the paper goods. Wonderful idea!
Please be mindful, too, of how hard it is on the family once all of the well-wishers stop coming by, and flowers are no longer sent, and cards don't arrive in the mail. After a few weeks, or even a month, I may call to say I'd like to drop by, and I will either bring dinner, already prepared, and ready to go into the oven, or a lot of times, I take the makings of dinner, and stand at the stove and cook for them -- something simple, but good (especially if it smells heavenly while it cooks). I'll cut fresh flowers in the yard, or take a small bouquet for the table, and all of those magazines stacked near the recycling bin, I'll pull the most recent in areas of interest to them. People seem to like having things like that to peruse. Just don't overwhelm them with an armload, unless you know they are avid readers.
After dinner is prepared, I'll bow-out. Depending upon the feeling I get, I may repeat the gesture the next week. I just know from having to deal with deaths in my own family, there came the time when I wondered where everyone went now that I was left alone to grieve.
A very close friend passed away and it was her husband and 3 young boys. We all brought various breakfasts, cleaned, brought dinners,shopped, volunteered for school bus duty. Anything to alleviate the daily chores that get forgotten or not thought of.
So sorry to read of others' losses here. I think it also helps to make mental notes of what things brought you (us) comfort, and were of genuine help, in similar circumstances. I really enjoyed seeing people long after the funeral, and others had gone their own ways. Even something as simple as just a 'hello!' card in the mail meant a lot, or an "I'm thinking of you,' phone call.
An empty house, filled with your grief, is a lonely, lonely place.
A very close friend passed away and it was her husband and 3 young boys. .
OH DEAR!!! Did she lose your husband AND children? THAT would be a truly devastating blow. Whenever I hear of an accident that claimed the life of a child or a parent & child(ren) my heart breaks for them. I could never imagine coming home to a house and not one of them would be there.
When we have known of a family that lost a child unexpectedly many people have chipped in to do house and yard work, cook meals (like mom is going to feel like cooking while greiving for a lost child), shuttle their other children for them if needed, make sure any momento's from school got to them at an appropriate time and just been there w/ a shoulder and LOTS OF KLEENEX.
Momof2-Maybe I said it wrong-my very close friend passed on and left a husband and 3 young sons.
I could never imagine the pain of losing a child - we do have a dear friend who lost 2 sons, both at age 14, 7 years apart-both hit by drunk drivers. Her stamina and faith are what's kept her going all these years-she's the strongest person I know.
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Great suggestions, all
