Can't agree where to relocate - climate vs family (moved back, house, long distance)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I live in the Portland metro area, and I feel that the winters are bearable. We don't have as much year round cloudy and damp that Seattle has. If you move to Portland, negotiate an agreement that you want a trip to a sunny area three weeks a year, or something like that.
Since I've lived here we've had three quite warm and sunny summers. Not so much this year though.
I have lived in Portland too and I felt that the weather difference between Seattle and Portland was very minimal. Seattle has more morning fog and is usually up to 5 degrees cooler, doesn't make a difference for me sadly
Without fully diving into the Mommy wars, I just have to say this is a bit harsh. Being a stay at home mom doesn't mean giving up a voice in where your family will live and raise a child. Wow.
OP, you're going to get advice that's all over the board, all influenced by everyone's individual experiences. If you are experiencing some level of depression, I recommend taking that seriously, and making certain the cause really is the weather. I don't live in the PNW, but I can imagine it would be difficult. If that is the case, then you definitely need to act on it - but it may not mean you have to move to California to resolve that. Also , speaking from my own experience here, realize that priorities and circumstances do change. I grew up in the upper Midwest and moved away as soon as I reasonably could, in part due to the weather. However, now I have children and realize what is far more important involves things like school districts, financial stability, commute times, and proximity to family (at least on some level). When my oldest was 1, school still wasn't on my radar, but it is a huge concern now that he's reaching kindergarten. I never thought I'd become so cliche, but access to good schools matters - it really does - and I'm personally willing to wear sweaters more and shovel a little snow if it means living in a state with a better educational system for my kids. In another couple of decades, our priorities will doubtless have shifted again. Things always change.
I did get to move away from "undesirable" winter weather years ago (although I never suffered from SAD, and that might be a different thing) and glad I did, but even that experience has shown me it's not the biggest factor of happiness in living in any location.
Yes this is all valid info I know. My feelings on this could change over the years for sure, and we do want more kids so we'll how priorities shift. But for now our little one won't mind if we hop around the west coast much
I moved from PA to Florida and I have noticed such a difference in my attitude now that we see the sun for more than 3 months of the year. My husband and I are happier and we are able to enjoy being outside much more. It also feels good not to get that deep feeling of dread when summer was ending, just knowing that winter and snow and dreary days were coming. We have two young kids and definitely miss the help that family would have provided. We also regret that they are not as close with our family as they would have been if we were close by. However, we have adjusted and I would not ever want to move back to PA. It feels so good not to be depressed anymore.
People are funny aren't they? I used to get that feeling of dread about June 1st when I knew that the weather here in Florida would be hot and humid for the next 4 months, every-single-day.
OP I don't know what to tell you except right now your husband's job needs to be the priority since you are a stay at home mom. Can you handle it a few years more? Go outside when the weather IS nice and soak up that sun. Go to a tanning bed once a week. When I lived up north the tanning bed helped warm me from the inside out and I felt better about the long winter.
I feel for you, I really do - it stinks living somewhere you hate. I felt that way about Florida up until this year. Every time I go outside and it's super hot I tell myself "better 95 than 25". Try to change your attitude about the Pacific NW. Think of how green it is. Go to the Portland/Seattle threads to see what people love about the area. Good luck and concentrate on your beautiful baby.
Without fully diving into the Mommy wars, I just have to say this is a bit harsh. Being a stay at home mom doesn't mean giving up a voice in where your family will live and raise a child. Wow.
OP, you're going to get advice that's all over the board, all influenced by everyone's individual experiences. If you are experiencing some level of depression, I recommend taking that seriously, and making certain the cause really is the weather. I don't live in the PNW, but I can imagine it would be difficult. If that is the case, then you definitely need to act on it - but it may not mean you have to move to California to resolve that. Also , speaking from my own experience here, realize that priorities and circumstances do change. I grew up in the upper Midwest and moved away as soon as I reasonably could, in part due to the weather. However, now I have children and realize what is far more important involves things like school districts, financial stability, commute times, and proximity to family (at least on some level). When my oldest was 1, school still wasn't on my radar, but it is a huge concern now that he's reaching kindergarten. I never thought I'd become so cliche, but access to good schools matters - it really does - and I'm personally willing to wear sweaters more and shovel a little snow if it means living in a state with a better educational system for my kids. In another couple of decades, our priorities will doubtless have shifted again. Things always change.
Where did I say that a stay at home mom has no say? I said you go where the jobs are! That's how it works for everyone. People want things in life. We all do. That doesn't make it practical or realistic or affordable. Why move to Poppyfield, Alaska when all jobs are in oil and you/significant other works as a dairy farmer? Why move to Lilac Grove, Kansas when it's all about corn and nothing else and you make surfboards?
I've done the moving up and down the coast thing. It's a pain in the arse! Moving in general sucks. Finding jobs is a pain.....it's incredibly helpful when one relocates and has a job waiting. That's what we did with our last move. Made life much easier!
Life is always greener on the other side until you get there and it's dead brown because of the drought. Schools are important. Bouncing children around does have an impact on them. Uprooting away from family is tough. Cali is WICKED expensive. There's no cheap place in Cali. Groceries are pricey as well. Water is expensive because there's so little of it. Living with a drought years especially when you're not used to it is VERY challenging. Been there. Done that. Not a t-shirt I want.
Yes this is all valid info I know. My feelings on this could change over the years for sure, and we do want more kids so we'll how priorities shift. But for now our little one won't mind if we hop around the west coast much
How do you plan to finance the hopping around? Too many hops and employers get careful even about a very qualified candidate.
Could use a big ol' pile of advice from less biased people:
I've lived in the Pacific Northwest all my life, and for as long as I can remember I've always hated the weather here. My husband and I grew up in Oregon and now live in Seattle for work his purposes, but we've grown to hate Seattle and would like to relocate. As you can imagine with my feelings towards the dreary NW weather I'd like to live somewhere warm, and I've always wanted that to be southern California. Yes I've been there plenty and still enjoy it. I'm used to the traffic and the high costs too thanks to Seattle's recent huge rise in living costs.
So after a few years of complaining about being cold all the time my husband finally agreed to give California a try. We visited some friends and family earlier this year in Orange County and loved it. My husband agreed that if he liked it we would try to move there. He gave it his all for these last couple of months, we made it clear on his applications that we would be covering all relocation expenses and still no bites. I'm currently a stay at home mom to our 1 year old and even if I wasn't...with my line of work I could only bring home enough money to cover childcare costs. So my help is a bust.
I have no desire to go back to Portland, but we do have our parents and old friends there. My husband on the other hand would rather move to Portland more than CA due to the above reasons. We had a conversation recently where I agreed that I would rather live in Portland than stay in Seattle and he took that as its cool for him to start applying to jobs in Portland. Now I really regret saying that as I hadn't thought it through enough. Well now he has a possible job there, he still may not get it but he's a contender so I'm mentally preparing for it. If he does get it I will be happy for him since he wants it and agree to move to Portland but...not happily. I know that a move there will mean he won't want to try to get a job in CA again, probably ever. I know he'll be happy in Oregon with his family close by. But obviously I'm having a hard time with this because I don't see how I can be happy in that climate ever unless I go through hot flashes during menopause or something. That's still probably 15 years away. Even then so it's still dreary in this climate.
I don't want to spend my whole life wishing I lived somewhere else, and never really getting the chance to even try something new. But maybe I'm just being selfish and a move back to Portland could be the right thing for my family. So anyways what should I do? Should I just say screw it and decide to live the rest of my life complaining about the weather? Maybe I can learn to bottle up my feelings. Or should I be stern about my need to live somewhere else? Which could definitely lead to marital problems that I don't want. My marriage is still more important to me than anything else including the warm sun. I fear that either way there's going to be resentment from someone.
I have asked that if we could reopen the topic of moving to CA after 18 months in Oregon, but he says he couldn't make any promises because if things were going well he wouldn't want to move. Understandable but not encouraging for me.
Thanks for reading and thanks in advance for any advice!
Hope you just love sitting on crowded freeways all day...for hours, poor air quality, unfriendly people due to all the stress..I could not leave CA soon enough. I am in process of relocating to Maine....I used to live in New England.....I cannot stand the heat in So. Cal and miss the seasons.
I have heard that Seattle becomes depressing due to the excessive rain.
Weather does affect people greatly.....I missed the seasons and the snow....yes the the snow.
So, be careful you may get sick of So. Cal fast and regret your move.......Cali is wicked expensive....and my opinion...ugly.
Seattle is beautiful......my opinion. People many times get fed up with excessive types of weather...they all go to CA......like I said if you enjoy massive crowds wherever you go....extremely high COL.
No one can tell another what to do.....but do it or forget about it cuz moving is hell....I am in the process.......lets see how I deal with first New England winter in 13 yrs.
Have lived in SoCal since '79 and am leaving in 3 weeks. Cannot wait. Heat, humidity (yes, humidity!), asphalt, cars, traffic, people. Listening to the air conditioner run and run. It's gotten markedly more humid here over the last 5 years. And I strongly agree with the poster who mentioned living with drought. Not for me anymore.
We moved from cold Connecticut to balmy Florida about 12 years ago. All of our family lived in Connecticut at the time, so we really struck out on our own. The weather wasn't the only consideration (though it was one of them); my husband's dream was to customize old cars, and that wasn't really a big "thing" up north, like it is here. (Yes, he's doing what he has always wanted to do now. )
It's not selfish to move away from family. Parents who do a good job raising their children recognize that as difficult as it may be, they might be independent to move away. Plus, the world is small; we can be in Connecticut in three hours by plane or in a day or two by car. Plus we can Facetime, Skype or text with our family members on a daily basis if we want to. No big deal! I have a brother living overseas now and other family members also living in Europe, and we stay in touch very well.
The bigger issue is that you and your husband do not agree. The two of you need to work it out, of course. So that's a family issue that needs to be carefully taken into consideration... moving away from your parents/siblings is not as large a problem.
You are right it is very expensive there. It might end up being just a dream for it to work, at least until I can go back to work full time and help more financially. However the Seattle rental market is actually comparable to southern CA now (rental houses, not sure about apts) it is insane, lack of inventory. But I am going to keep trying to get down there to at least try out life!
depending on Industry, wages are lower in LA than in Seattle. Also, Washington has no state income tax, California does. There goes your rent equality.
But if you desire to be a "real housewife of orange county" by all means, never give up the dream. I'd plump up those lips and get some implants before you get here if you want to fit in.
People like you are what keeps the value of my house sky high
I have lived my whole adult in California, with my family all in Texas and Wisconsin. One more thing to add is that, while you can stay in close contact with family from a distance with phone calls, computer, etc., this is not how a child learns to be part of his/her family. It was easy for my husband and I to be so far away, but not easy to help our son forge real relationships with his grandmother, cousins, aunts and uncles, when he only got to see them once a year. I would vote for going to the area that is the closest to family that offers improved weather. Maybe that SE Oregon suggestion. But this opinion does not take into consideration you husband's job, and that, of course, is a primary consideration.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
