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Instead of being concerned with what you want, how about you focus on what you actually need and can afford? Your significant other needs a job. You go wherever the jobs are! it's that simple. You have a child to think of. Think about schools for your child. The grass is always greener on the other side. What happens if you move to Southern Cali and hate it after a few years? You going to keep hopping around? Not much of a life. Since you're a stay at home mom, I would say the person who has a job has a bit more say in where you all live. Without a job, you're homeless!
Since you're a stay at home mom, I would say the person who has a job has a bit more say in where you all live. Without a job, you're homeless!
Without fully diving into the Mommy wars, I just have to say this is a bit harsh. Being a stay at home mom doesn't mean giving up a voice in where your family will live and raise a child. Wow.
OP, you're going to get advice that's all over the board, all influenced by everyone's individual experiences. If you are experiencing some level of depression, I recommend taking that seriously, and making certain the cause really is the weather. I don't live in the PNW, but I can imagine it would be difficult. If that is the case, then you definitely need to act on it - but it may not mean you have to move to California to resolve that. Also , speaking from my own experience here, realize that priorities and circumstances do change. I grew up in the upper Midwest and moved away as soon as I reasonably could, in part due to the weather. However, now I have children and realize what is far more important involves things like school districts, financial stability, commute times, and proximity to family (at least on some level). When my oldest was 1, school still wasn't on my radar, but it is a huge concern now that he's reaching kindergarten. I never thought I'd become so cliche, but access to good schools matters - it really does - and I'm personally willing to wear sweaters more and shovel a little snow if it means living in a state with a better educational system for my kids. In another couple of decades, our priorities will doubtless have shifted again. Things always change.
I did get to move away from "undesirable" winter weather years ago (although I never suffered from SAD, and that might be a different thing) and glad I did, but even that experience has shown me it's not the biggest factor of happiness in living in any location.
I live in the Portland metro area, and I feel that the winters are bearable. We don't have as much year round cloudy and damp that Seattle has. If you move to Portland, negotiate an agreement that you want a trip to a sunny area three weeks a year, or something like that.
Since I've lived here we've had three quite warm and sunny summers. Not so much this year though.
I don't post here very much, but I had to log on to tell you to fight for California if that's what you really want! I grew up in cold, cold, northern Wisconsin and Illinois and I always knew I would get out due to the dreary winters. The first chance I got, I moved to Florida, then Los Angeles and now finally New Orleans, which finally feels like home to me.
Thanks! I am going to fight for it, at least to some degree. My husband has agreed we can try again to move down there in 18 months (if he gets this job, will find out for sure in a couple of days) So I have that to look forward to I guess.
OP, you might look into getting treatment for SAD. When I lived in the Great Lakes area, I had to sit in front of a full spectrum light box for an hour a night from Jan - Mar and then make sure I walked outside around noon, in order to function.
I moved to Des Moines (IA) two years ago, and guess what? There was enough sun in the winter that I no longer needed a light box -- getting outside most days did the trick. No SAD the last two winters.
Don't listen to people who tell you this is a made-up disorder. I know what I went through. If you need sunshine, you need it or a substitute. The light box may help you to survive in Portland.
I have thought about the light boxes, I'm sure it will help but it can't really take the place of nice weather.
Oh how I feel your pain!! I've lived in Seattle my entire life and I'm desperate to leave, but my husband loves it here. I'm still pushing, however.
The damp dark cold here is so hard on me. Waking up to cold cloudy weather everyday in July just makes me miserable. By the time the sun comes out, I feel like I've already given up on the day. Yes we don't have freezing cold winters, but they are cold and dark for a very long time and for some people that is just as painful as 30 degrees below.
Personally, I would recommend Not moving to Portland. Try to get him to give you 2 years in CA before he considers moving. Who knows, maybe you won't love living there and be willing to move at that point. In the meantime, settling for Portland and never getting that chance could make you resentful. I have 2 kids and I find that my dislike for the weather (and crowds, and cost) has just gotten worse as the kids age.
You know the saying.... If Mama ain't happy, nobody's happy! Let me tell you, it's true! Take care of yourself so that you can be a better parent. I'm so sorry you are dealing with this.
(Ever tried to talk about leaving Seattle to people around? I feel like there's some kind of Seattle booster club that makes me feel crazy for ever wanting to leave!! --- I envy them for feeling that way.)
Yes people seem to love it here and I do not understand! We have a handful of friends who moved from California who don't seem to care that the weather is dreary since they grew up with the sun.
But yes I'm going to fight for moving to CA still. I talked to my husband and he agreed we can try again in 18 months if he gets this job. If he doesn't get the job we'll keep trying to get down to CA. I'm still nervous that he'll be too happy to move again in 18 months, but at least he knows I need my happiness too!
I moved from PA to Florida and I have noticed such a difference in my attitude now that we see the sun for more than 3 months of the year. My husband and I are happier and we are able to enjoy being outside much more. It also feels good not to get that deep feeling of dread when summer was ending, just knowing that winter and snow and dreary days were coming. We have two young kids and definitely miss the help that family would have provided. We also regret that they are not as close with our family as they would have been if we were close by. However, we have adjusted and I would not ever want to move back to PA. It feels so good not to be depressed anymore.
That is encouraging to hear! One thing I hate about the summers here is that EVERYONE goes outside when its nice so everything is extra crowded and traffic is worse. I just want to be able to enjoy being outside my house any time of the year!
Please don't come to California. It's expensive and the schools are terrible. Depending on what your husband does, he might make less money and you will have the higher COL. Unless you're working in Aerospace or Entertainment...jobs don't pay so great here. Also, taxes are super high. We have 9% sales tax, just like Wa, but add another 10% state income tax, on top of that. Utilities are much higher, as well. (and if you're not in the 10% state income tax bracket, you can't afford to live in the OC. Sorry) Our property taxes are much lower but in the OC you will most likely be faced with Mello Roos.... One income families are rare unless you come from money.
If you think Seattle is expensive? You will be scared of the prices here.
Just go to portland, it will be like SoCal, but with better weather in about 10 years. Just give it time
You are right it is very expensive there. It might end up being just a dream for it to work, at least until I can go back to work full time and help more financially. However the Seattle rental market is actually comparable to southern CA now (rental houses, not sure about apts) it is insane, lack of inventory. But I am going to keep trying to get down there to at least try out life!
Why not compromise and look at places like Medford or Grants Pass? Medford is a decent sized city, the climate is a nice (imo) compromise for you and your husband will still be within a reasonable distance to family (4 1/2 hours), and it's only 30 miles from the California border. Granted it's another 700 miles to Los Angeles from the border, but there IS an airport in Medford.
Climate data for Medford (avg hi/avg low/avg precip):
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