Anyone ever relocate kids their Junior or Senior year of high school? (back east, move around)
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Is there absolutely no way you can find a better job in the entire area? Or a way to reduce your costs to make living where you are more viable for yourself, because so far it seems like your the only one that sees it as a problem? You said yourself there are some pretty big advantages where your family is currently; moving somewhere else doesn't guarantee that you'll feel those advantages anywhere else (plenty of places claim or look good on paper, but turn out completely different than initially perceived). Philadelphia is pretty much equal regarding CoL with the most expensive cities in Minnesota and good schools won't even matter if your kids reject the change and struggle or refuse to adapt. No teenager I know has thrived after leaving their long term home and even less after moving to an area that's going to be immensely socially and environmentally different from what they've grown up with.
I also question your research on these places and how they will make your families lives better? Take your focus on basketball as an opportunity for a child. Have you asked them about how they want to shape their "career"? Because unless they agree and want to try starting over on a completely new team and hope they stand out enough with more competition your hurting their chances by becoming a unknown competing against a bunch of local favorites with history and loyalty on their side. You have no idea that going somewhere else will help them, yet your acting as if moving will secure a spot on a team and instant college scholarship. Their talent and ability to promote themself is what will get them scouted and picked, not where they are. Teams and locations that have a high scouting rank have it because they have the talent, not the physical location.
Your right that this move isn't about one person. So we need to hear what the other people affected by it think, because right now all we're hearing is about how the move is better for some random reasons that don't necessarily affect you. It sounds like your family is doing well and successful in their current situation; maybe instead of preparing for a fight you look at how to meet them in the middle in terms of their needs and your desires.
Well we need a bigger place. That's the main thing. and that's gonna cost more money. Let's just say that our living situation isn't helping either.
We moved with our kids when they were in high school and middle school. They didn't like it, but ending up doing just fine and in fact flourished (not the norm). You have the added difficulty of having stepchildren which can come with its own set of issues. Be sure to research before a move when it comes to schools. Different school systems can have graduation requirements your kids might have to meet. Sometimes..especially those who would be seniors can't meet the requirements in time.
Very familiar with MN and the Raleigh area. I honestly don't see how the move to NC would be better from a housing perspective. Not sure where in MN you live. Do your research on the Raleigh-Durham-Chapel Hill/triangle area as housing costs are exploding and traffic is/becoming a problem. UNC is a great value and top school. Airport is nice.
I wouldn't move unless there was a firm job offer/acceptance. While there is a lot of job growth/opportunity in the Raleigh area....they also have MANY qualified local candidates to chose from by virtue of their proximity to the UNC, Duke..etc. and many jobs with the universities don't pay that great because of that very reason.
Does your spouse also work?
I have been. It's ranked in the top 5 when it comes to life science/biotech companies. I definitely would not move until I have a firm job offer. Again, right now I need to make enough money where I can pay bills and still have a cushion left over. If not, things are going to be a struggle. Christmas, Birthdays, etc. WE need a bigger place. Right now, things are not looking good. Overtime helps a little but not much. A 3 bedroom in Minnesota is gonna cost about $2,000. You might get one for 1600. I'd rather move to Raleigh. A city where our kids can grow, get in state tuition, buy a house and go to college in North carolina. At least in North carolina, you have your choice between a PWI or a HBCU. That's my long term plan. I mean even if they don't go to school in NC, you got Virginia, Georgia, Pennsylvania.
Minnesota has colleges but most are private schools. Unless they want to go to University of Minnesota. Personally, I prefer the wide variety of colleges North Carolina offers.
We moved between my oldest sons Junior & Senior years of HS. He was given the option to stay in NC to finish his last year of school or to do his senior year in Texas. He chose to come with us to Texas. One big factor for him was that most of his close friends were a year ahead of him so they were going to be gone anyways. He was never one to have much school spirit or attachment to the school. He went from a low-performing school to a high-performing one with almost triple the number of students.
My parents moved us from Upstate NY to South Carolina in my junior year of high school and my sister was in her freshman year of high school. My younger brother was still in elementary school at the time.
A lot of it depends on how it is handled and some of it depends on the individual personalities of the kids involved. I was fine with the move itself; I have always enjoyed change and am a very flexible, adaptable person. I understood why my dad wanted to make the move (promotion) and it made logical sense to me. My younger sister was more reluctant to leave friends but was excited about the opportunity to make new friends--she is the social butterfly of the family and made sure she kept in touch with the old friends. My younger brother was more nervous about the move; he is quiet and tends to fear change so he was not excited about the move.
My parents handled it well. For my sister they encouraged her to get all of her current friends' contact information so she could call/write them to transition smoothly until she met new friends. They emphasized to her the opportunity to meet new friends and how there were a lot of kids her own age in the area we would be moving to. With my brother they did a lot of reassurance and listening to his concerns. With me they gave me a LOT to read on the new location and information on volunteer science opportunities since they knew that's what I was into.
The move went fine and I helped plan some of the logistics with my parents since I also liked doing that, lol.
My sister ended up liking SC, my brother was okay with it. I didn't like it but didn't complain. We only stayed a year then moved up to Michigan which I found much more to my liking
Involve the kids in the research and if you can afford a sightseeing trip then do so. Treat each one individually and speak to their unique concerns and interests. Kids are often more adaptable and resilient than adults are.
Moving is expensive. Your pay increase would have to be significant to make up for those costs...and you need the money up-front. As a current non-salaried worker, it's unlikely that a new employer would cover these expenses unless you're taking a big step up in your career. Those benefits are pretty rare these days.
If the kid isn't getting basketball attention in Minnesota--he's not going to get it somewhere else either.
Have you considered moving out of your area to a less-expensive one? Suburban rent is much more affordable. If your step-son isn't playing varsity ball, he can move to another district without penalty. Somewhere like Apple Valley would be a possibility--good school, good basketball program, cheaper rent.
sounds just like me. You made the right move as a family. Not just one person. How did your eldest end up doing? Did he get accepted into college or have any trouble?
He did just fine, but it took about 6 months to settle in. He went to college, and met the girl he married after completing grad school.
He was probably the most vocal about not wanting the move, but I think our youngest ended up having the toughest time. He was going into 5th grade, the final year of elementary school, with a group of kids who had known each other since kindergarten. Then three years later we moved again, when he was heading into 8th. Once again, he was in a new middle school with a group that had been together for 3 years. It isn't easy for any kid to move,regardless of their age.
We were fortunate, our kids all rebounded and did very well. And financially as well as career wise, it was the right choice for our family.
Moving is expensive. Your pay increase would have to be significant to make up for those costs...and you need the money up-front. As a current non-salaried worker, it's unlikely that a new employer would cover these expenses unless you're taking a big step up in your career. Those benefits are pretty rare these days.
If the kid isn't getting basketball attention in Minnesota--he's not going to get it somewhere else either.
Have you considered moving out of your area to a less-expensive one? Suburban rent is much more affordable. If your step-son isn't playing varsity ball, he can move to another district without penalty. Somewhere like Apple Valley would be a possibility--good school, good basketball program, cheaper rent.
Yea but remember there's other kids involved and i dont think their school bus would pick them up all the way from apple valley
Why would me moving mean I'm the mean step dad? Especially if it's a higher paying job. Sometimes you have to do what's best for the entire family, not just 1 person.
You will need to balance the 'best for the entire family' with 'not entirely screwing the one person'.
You said the oldest stepkid is a junior in high school. The school year has just started, so even if you were to land a job interview and get an offer today, by the time the background checks were done and all the paperwork signed and moving arrangements made, you're pushing into the middle of the school year for *all* the kids. And it'll be worse for Junior. Junior will lose their place on the basketball team, with no guarantee he'll make the team at his new school--especially if it's in a more competitive basketball town than where he is now.
Is your wife working? If not, why? If so, could *she* find a better paying job in the area? If the situation is as bad as you say, is she aware of it, or have you been downplaying it (so therefore, she sees no need to move right now?)
I think at this moment, your best bets are the following:
1.) Look for a better paying job where you are.
2.) Find a better paying job elsewhere, but be prepared to be the 'weekend husband and father' (meaning you commute to wherever you need to.) However, this may not be economically feasible.
3.) If the situation truly *is* as bad as you're claiming, look for a better paying job elsewhere, but see if maybe if Junior has a really good friend whose family he could stay with to finish out his high school time at. Quite frankly, given the criteria you've put on finding a better paying job (only considering North Carolina and Pennsylvania), it may be quite a while before you find what you're looking for.
If your family can hold out another two years til Junior graduates, then I'd say you could look at moving. The 8th grader will be starting their sophomore year, and while that could pose a challenge, they'd have a better chance at shifting gears then and settling in. (And some high schools start at 10th grade anyway, so 8th Grader might've changed schools anyway.)
I was suggesting moving all the kids to a new school within Minnesota. Your wife doesn't want to leave, it's expensive, you don't have a job yet---so relocate more locally and keep your current job. Your younger kids will be fine wherever. The older ones can still get together with old friends if they choose
Let me offer sort of a different perspective here.
My parents wanted me to stay with the same peer group that I started with in the county schools. Around here, county schools aren't as well-regarded as city schools. The city schools offered far superior athletics and academics.
The truth of the matter is that most of my social circle in high school scattered after college. Four years on, that peer group was gone, but the better academics might have helped.
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