Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
That's not necessarily an insult like most people on CD like to believe.
That really just depends on the situation. I find it quite funny.
Whenever I say "bless your heart" it is never said seriously. Worth noting that I rarely say it. That's just me though.
Politeness it all good and well, but I would also like to quickly get to the point. An ideal situation is getting down to business swiftly, but with no loss of thoughtfulness. That does exist.
That really just depends on the situation. I find it quite funny.
Whenever I say "bless your heart" it is never said seriously. Worth noting that I rarely say it. That's just me though.
Politeness it all good and well, but I would also like to quickly get to the point. An ideal situation is getting down to business swiftly, but with no loss of thoughtfulness. That does exist.
^^^
To the bold, amen.
That's how we used "bless your heart" (for dramatic effect "bless your sweet little heart") in my family here in Oklahoma.
Southern hospitality is the south's art and almost unconscious way of unarming and gaining confidence of both friends and unfamiliar folks. It's different for every setting, but being charming is the main adjective of the south. This is the reason why my mother dressed up to go put gas in the car, because charming and attractive go and hand in hand.
Southern people tend to be more passive and willing to let a conversation have an A and B. People from the East Coast tend to be more talkative and I've found myself forgetting what I had to say because North Easterners talk so much.
The thing I like about people from the North East is that they are very direct, unlike Southerners who tend to give hints and sometimes talk in riddles, (Bless your heart we've all heard that one before.)
I work in sales and I market the entire country and prefer the direct no I'm not interested from a North Easterner over the Southerners let me think about it.
People around here (mostly the older folks) still use "Bless your heart" for an expression of sympathy. It doesn't preclude it from being used the other way though, so it's good to know how to read people. It really is an art form.
BTW cpg that is probably the best explanation I have ever read here, virtual reps for you!
Other than Bless Your Heart are there any other phrases to look for?
I also wonder if age, or race, has anything to do with it. Most Blacks have Southern roots, so the cultural differences may not be as profound. You have a lot of other races in the New South. Linguists love to talk about how Southern, Northern Black's accents really are.
That's how we used "bless your heart" (for dramatic effect "bless your sweet little heart") in my family here in Oklahoma.
Yes, and my family from the ArkLaTex says, "Bless you're pea pickin' heart!"
We do use this term but always for a humorous touch. Usually it's used as a term of endearment - one that shows our longsuffering gentleness in the face of...well, any sort of behavior that we deem the other person just "can't help themselves" from doing.
"Well, at least they did get married, even if she did have to get the wedding dress altered to fit over her baby bump...bless her little ol' pea pickin' heart..."
Southern hospitality is the south's art and almost unconscious way of unarming and gaining confidence of both friends and unfamiliar folks. It's different for every setting, but being charming is the main adjective of the south. This is the reason why my mother dressed up to go put gas in the car, because charming and attractive go and hand in hand.
Oh, ABSOLUTELY.
I am southern born and bred, and I put on a bit of makeup and a squirt of cologne and make sure my hair looks nice and my toenails are cute before even stepping out my door to get my mail. You never know who I might see! One time I was sitting on my front porch talking to my mom on the phone, and one of my husband's coworkers just showed up suddenly - just walked around the corner of the house - he had been in the neighborhood and just wanted to say hi. What if I'd been sitting there in my robe and slippers with cold cream on my face????
As a southern belle, I learned early the art of disarming others with a sweet smile on my upturned face. I can't tell you how many speeding tickets I've had pushed aside using that one technique alone - it's especially effective when coupled with a hand laid gently on the other person's forearm and a bit of self depreciating humor - "Oh my...I don't know what got into me...I just lose all sense of space and time when Marvin Gaye starts singing Heard It Through the Grapevine!"
I learned very early in life that apologizing graciously costs nothing, and often smooths the way toward accomplishing a goal. I learned that warmth and generosity benefits EVERYONE involved.
I learned that pedicures are very important - a southern woman should never allow her feet to look like hooves in all those cute little sandals filling her closet.
I learned that in the South, in the land of business and negotiations, what worked best for me was definitely allowing - yes, EXPECTING - the men to open doors for me, pull out my chair, carry packages, etc, and to thank them sincerely and profusely - and then dig in my heels like Churchill but with the demeanor of Scarlet O'Hara. And I am 100 percent sincere about that. And it works, too.
The key to southern manners is kindness and generosity. People who are unfamiliar with the art often think we're not being sincere. They miss the boat completely in this assessment. We ARE being sincere - in the sense that the warmth we are projecting is real and unaffected. Now - you may misread this and think that our warmth means that we really like you - and in that case, you'd be right in thinking we weren't being completely honest. But that's a misread - warmth and friendliness does NOT mean we want to be your running buddy or that we even like you. All it means is that we are willing to overlook whatever idiosyncrasies you may bring to the table in order to have a mutually pleasant and advantageous interaction - whether it's on a business, personal, or completely casual (like in a grocery store line) level.
Southerners tend to be quite disingenuous to say the least many times.
Some view their "methodology" as clever, as if others can't see right through it.
A lot of their behavior is purely obligatory to the social norm. It's flimsy and at times
purely veiled.
"Politeness" allows cover for true motive. Being genuinely polite is not congruent with being obligatorily polite. The bastions of these kinds of behaviors are in places such as Montgomery,
Birmingham, and Jackson Mississippi.
"Politeness" is a cloak.
Many of these people in this kind of genre have actually convinced themselves that their communicative style and interaction are innately "superior", thus they tend to set up an artificial hierarchy of "effectiveness" in their OWN heads. Thus they are the ones "in charge" (in their own twisted thinking), and YOU are the one who is "benefitting" from their largesse and warped benevolence. This "style" permeates their whole being - inside and outside of business.
It provides them a phony sense of "control" and self aggrandizement. It's not a "game" at all, it's not tactical either....but many behave and rationalize that it is truly strategic.
These types of people in the South are accustomed to obfuscation....using "insider language" and colloquialism and expressions. This has manifested itself over the decades in conversations about race relations in the South for example - about education - about voting rights - about religion. It is tantamount to calculative avoidance, and does not lend itself to clarity at all.
It is, however, intentional. It's a communicative "shield", designed to deflect.
Other southerners even offer up tortured "justification" and clever explanation and logic for obfuscatory communicative styles, syntax and verbal exchanges. The really stupid ones take pride in its use, as if the use of this style burnishes their image and solidifies a perceptual "upper hand" even when it clearly destroys their own credibility.
Bless your heart.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
