How old or senile is too old/senile to "grandparent"? (parents, kids)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I am 30 and still single and childless, my dad is 66 and my mom is almost 63. One or both of my parents could be into their 70s or even well into their 70s, possibly even 80, when my future kids are still in need of childcare. Is it a reasonable concern that they may be less able to help me out at all? I would think that a 75-year-old is less able to handle little kids than a 35-year-old. Is this fair?
I'd say it's a valid concern. If/when you have children, you should have a Plan B for childcare. The loss of mental acuity is not guaranteed, my mother is 91 and pretty sharp, but by 80 she would have found caring for my kids exhausting.
Is what " fair'? Your children are not your parents' responsibility. You shouldn't have children with the intent that your parents will be your babysitters.
Depending upon your parents' ages, their health and their interest, they may or may not be willing to help you out to some degree. That's all an unknown until the actual event happens. Even if grand parents are in their late 40's/ early 50's, they may not want to take on grandchildren on a frequent basis.
Before you have children, figure out your financial situation and how you can care for kids on a daily basis.
Money for day care, after school care, etc. Money for evening / weekend babysitters . Don't depend on in-laws & parents. They have raised their kids, they may not want to raise yours.
You could also discuss this with them long before you have children just to get an idea what they think.
Maybe you didn't mean it the way it sounds, but your post sounds very presumptuous. I mean it sounds like you're only concerned about your parents mental health because it may affect your childcare?!?
What makes you think your parents WANT to be your childcare provider? Maybe they retired for a reason. Yes, older people should be active, but not full-time babysitters.
What makes you think your parents will even live nearby, or in a situation where they can care for your kids? Maybe they will move someplace else to enjoy their golden years.
Aside from mental health, there is physical health to consider. Older people can easily injure themselves trying to pick up a kid or play with a rambunctious little one. They can easily pick up germs and other bugs--what may just be a cold to your kid could easily become pneumonia to a grandparent, and take far longer to recover from.
I would hope you would be concerned about these things simply for your parents' sake, and not because it would negatively affect your child care situation.
Being a grandparent is not the same thing as being a babysitter, and you should never presume that they will do that for you.
It all depends on the people involved, but older people are plenty able to sit and visit with their grandkids or take them on short outings without being charged with their total care for extended periods.
I am 30 and still single and childless, my dad is 66 and my mom is almost 63. One or both of my parents could be into their 70s or even well into their 70s, possibly even 80, when my future kids are still in need of childcare. Is it a reasonable concern that they may be less able to help me out at all? I would think that a 75-year-old is less able to handle little kids than a 35-year-old. Is this fair?
Look at it this way, all other things being completely equal, if you had a choice of fathering your child with a 75 man vs. a 35 man which would you choose?
If you had a choice of hiring a 75 woman as your baby's nanny vs. a 35 year old woman who would you hire?
If you had a choice of placing your active two year old toddler in a classroom of eight children and a 75 year old preschool teacher and a 35 year old preschool teacher which classroom would you select?
But all of those things are irrelevant. Being a grandparent is NOT the same asbeing a babysitter----Sheesh! BTW, all four of our children's grandparents were DEAD by the time that they were 80, so impossible to use as free babysitters. Three were DEAD by age 75 an equally unavailable for use as free babysitters. And, one was severely disabled and needed total care by age 66. WE were her babysitter (caregiver).
Quote:
Originally Posted by willow wind
Is what " fair'? Your children are not your parents' responsibility. You shouldn't have children with the intent that your parents will be your babysitters.
Depending upon your parents' ages, their health and their interest, they may or may not be willing to help you out to some degree. That's all an unknown until the actual event happens. Even if grand parents are in their late 40's/ early 50's, they may not want to take on grandchildren on a frequent basis.
Before you have children, figure out your financial situation and how you can care for kids on a daily basis.
Money for day care, after school care, etc. Money for evening / weekend babysitters . Don't depend on in-laws & parents. They have raised their kids, they may not want to raise yours.
You could also discuss this with them long before you have children just to get an idea what they think.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life
Being a grandparent is not the same thing as being a babysitter, and you should never presume that they will do that for you.
It all depends on the people involved, but older people are plenty able to sit and visit with their grandkids or take them on short outings without being charged with their total care for extended periods.
Frankly, IMHO, you may want to be better prepared to be their caregiver than to worry if they ca provide free childcare to you.
Location: East of Seattle since 1992, 615' Elevation, Zone 8b - originally from SF Bay Area
44,550 posts, read 81,103,317 times
Reputation: 57750
There is no way to tell, people age differently, some are more fit than others. We are still working at 64 and 63, and our grandkids go to daycare and preschool. Still, we often offer to take them for a day or overnight because they are so fun, and have had them for several days at times. They are very active, though, and we are pretty tired by the time they leave. This is why people have kids while in their 20s and 30s. I have to agree though, planning to use your parents as babysitters is selfish, they spent many years taking care of you already.
You should never completely count on grandparents always being able to care for your children. My mom was 51 when my son was born and she didn't live to see his first birthday.
My grandparents are still living and are about 80 years old. They are very activity and still mentally sharp, and I would have no reservations about having them watch my young children for an afternoon. In fact, they took care of my sister's newborn son for a few nights while she was in the hospital. That's a lot of work for a person of any age, yet they handled it well and were happy to do it.
Life is full of a lot of unknowns. Some people are lucky enough to age well into their 80's like my grandparents while others would have trouble caring for children in their 60's. Some people just aren't suited to care for children at any age.
Live your life and have your children if you want them. If your parents are able to help out with child care look at it as a bonus.
I am 30 and still single and childless, my dad is 66 and my mom is almost 63. One or both of my parents could be into their 70s or even well into their 70s, possibly even 80, when my future kids are still in need of childcare. Is it a reasonable concern that they may be less able to help me out at all? I would think that a 75-year-old is less able to handle little kids than a 35-year-old. Is this fair?
Why do you think your parents should "help you out?" You're going to be well over 30 years old - you still need your parents' "help" with your kids? How so?
Here's a novel idea - you take care of your own kids and just allow your elderly parents to enjoy the relationship with their grandkids without the responsibility of caring for them. You can do that, can't you? Everybody wins!
It would have never occurred to me to expect my parents to commit to helping me take care of my kids at those ages. Thankfully I had children in my twenties and am the oldest of the siblings so my parents were grandparents to youngsters in their 50s and early 60s. They were great grandparents by their early 70s. I cannot imagine them being burdened by actual child care responsibilities at that age.
Heck, I am a grandmother in my 50s and while I am more than willing to babysit WHEN IT'S CONVENIENT TO ME, I would not want to commit to regular babysitting for hours and hours every week. I did my time. No one helped me. I expected to take care of my own kids myself.
You should never completely count on grandparents always being able to care for your children. My mom was 51 when my son was born and she didn't live to see his first birthday.
(snip)
Live your life and have your children if you want them. If your parents are able to help out with child care look at it as a bonus.
I agree.
One of my best friend's father died when she was in her teens and her mother suddenly died at about age 42, when my friend was pregnant with her first child.
So, you really should not plan on anyone besides yourself to care for your children.
Just consider it a plus if they are alive, healthy and willing to help a little, no matter how old they are.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
