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I'm just tossing this out for what it's worth: I lost my wife of 33 years to breast cancer eight years ago. An acquaintance -- not really even a close friend -- who was an appellate court judge said: "Don't make any important decisions for a year. Don't sell your house, change your job, buy a Porsche, start dating, or make any other important decisions. You may believe you're thinking clearly, but you're not." I actually thought I was coping fantastically -- but when I looked back after a year, I realized I had made some completely idiotic, out-of-character decisions. Fortunately, they were all minor mistakes because my acquaintance's advice kept ringing in my ears. I wasn't thinking clearly, even though I had absolutely thought I was, and could easily have made a major blunder.
Condolences to you, and I agree with your advice. No one is in their right mind, after losing a loved one. Especially a long term one. Glad you didn't make any of the really bad choices/changes. Can you imagine jumping into a marriage with someone you wouldn't have even dated, a year later? Thanks for sharing and reminding folks.
That really IS the best advice, Bede. Sometimes though the death of your spouse makes BIG things have to happen. I lost my house because hubby died with no insurance and I had no choice in the matter. Not his fault, his company fired him because he was missing too much work because of chemo.
I keep to myself here in my house because I just don't want to get back into the dating game. There's nothing a guy could offer me that I haven't already experienced. Well, maybe being well off money wise. Hey, I'm being honest. LOL.
Have you remarried yet? Unless they are real old, I think most widowers end up remarried again. Men seem to need women more than women need a man. JMO.
Location: West of the Catalinas East of the Tortolitas
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Very good advice, Bede, but like Tami said, somethings can't be avoided. I, too, had to make a choice of whether to keep or sell my house. Five months after my husband died, I put my house on the market. I had spent the month before that fixing it up. We had a "snowbird" condo in AZ, and I had to choose either the house in CO or the condo. I couldn't afford to keep both, so I chose the condo. We'd had the house in CO since 1975 and raised four kids in it. It nearly killed me to sell it.
I'm with Tami in that I'm four years out and have no desire to marry again. I don't even want to date. Most of the widowers I know remarry within 2-5 years; whereas not one of the widows I know (except one) has even dated since losing her husband. Most like the companionship of men for coffee, or a movie, but as friends, not romantic interests.
I also want to say that the advice you received was good and wise as well . When I became a widow at 36 and had small children so I had to get my head together quick and take care of them and myself luckily I found a great job with insurance that took care of their healthcare . I could not have been more grateful for the help that God provided . I waited until my kids were teenagers before I started dating again and then waited another nine yrs before I remarried .of course it also depends on what age you become a widow or widower . I met a young man in the cemetery one day while visiting my relatives apparently he was a new widower his wife and baby boy were killed in a car accident . he was 26 and his wife was 23 and his baby was 9 months old . I felt so bad for him . I often wonder if he remarried early or ever did just thought how tragically young he was to be a widower and my condolences on the loss of you wife op . I wish you peace and hapiness as I do anyone who looses a loved one .
Have you remarried yet? Unless they are real old, I think most widowers end up remarried again. Men seem to need women more than women need a man. JMO.
Yes, I did, after saying that I absolutely, positively never would. I am an extreme loner and was quite content alone. For three years, I had not gone on a date or even thought about going on one even though I worked in an office with numerous single women. Through a truly weird series of circumstances I, who had never even had a passport, found myself at the age of 57 traveling four times to Minsk, Belarus to "date" a 54-year-old woman who had never been out of Belarus and whose close-knit family thought she was insane to even consider joining an American she barely knew in Arizona, 8,000 miles away. But she has now been here 5+ years and all is well. There were aspects to the story that take it out of the category of merely "weird" and into the realm of "mystical" or "destiny."
It is going on 15 years since I lost my husband. I am only just pulling my life back together. Up until about 5 years ago I was just going through the motions.
I did pick up and move out of state within 6 months of his death but that was to fulfill a promise I had made to him and it was the right choice for me at that time. staying where I was would have put me in a bad situation.
It takes as long as it takes. For some people it might be a few months or a year and for others it might be longer.
That really IS the best advice, Bede. Sometimes though the death of your spouse makes BIG things have to happen. I lost my house because hubby died with no insurance and I had no choice in the matter. Not his fault, his company fired him because he was missing too much work because of chemo.
He (we) lost our jobs because the Union President of our local would not play ball with management even though 99% of the members wanted to keep their job. The company picked up and moved to Tennessee and busted the union. My husband had been with them 36 years.
Hubby joined a temp agency and was placed at this company and when his temp status was over, the company asked him to join them. My husband was a wonderful, hard worker but got the cancer.
I wanted to sue the company but hubby wouldn't let me. I thought we had a real good case. I'm not a sue person but I really, really wanted to do that. So instead of $250K of insurance, I got $3 that was in his wallet.
He (we) lost our jobs because the Union President of our local would not play ball with management even though 99% of the members wanted to keep their job. The company picked up and moved to Tennessee and busted the union. My husband had been with them 36 years.
Hubby joined a temp agency and was placed at this company and when his temp status was over, the company asked him to join them. My husband was a wonderful, hard worker but got the cancer.
I wanted to sue the company but hubby wouldn't let me. I thought we had a real good case. I'm not a sue person but I really, really wanted to do that. So instead of $250K of insurance, I got $3 that was in his wallet.
shame on that company and yes you should have sued and I understand your husbands view my husband would be the same way . I used to tell people my husband is the ultimate politician he wants everyone to like him , me I dont care if you like me or not ....sounds like your husband was the same way tami.
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Thanks for sharing and reminding folks. 
Not his fault, his company fired him because he was missing too much work because of chemo. 
Hey, I'm being honest. LOL.
