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Throughout my life I've lost grandparents, aunts, uncles, pets, father and husband. I feel I can tell you I cried over the loss of my pets more than I cried over the other losses, combined. I always lived in another part of the country than my relatives, and while losing them hurt, I did not cry for most of them. After being verbally abused for over 30 years in my marriage, I cried very little when he finally passed away. You could say God answered my prayer on his terms, not mine.
I had a best friend who I loved like a brother (I am an only child, so I don't really know what that love is like but I loved my friend Brad like no other guy I've known - and I'm a straight man).
He was celebrating his 15th year of sobriety on a diving trip to the Keys and had an embolism burst and he drowned.
Love you boy... and I know you're watching... I'll see you again, just hope it's not anytime soon...
(we called each other 'boy'...)
My husband in 2010
My father in 2006
My son's friend who was 22 and died in a car accident. She was always at our house.
My pets especially the last three that died.
Fortunately, I've not been near much death in my life. 3/4 grandparents are still alive, though most great aunts and uncles are now dead, I was never close to them. I had a good friend commit suicide back in 2013, and while it hurt, it wasn't necessarily shocking as he had made several attempts.
A drinking buddy of mine from back in Indiana died last week. I don't know what happened, but he was maybe 50, in pretty good health, had just gone fishing Wednesday and posted pics on Facebook, and heard he was gone by Sunday. He was active and full of it, and it's really bothersome that he's gone so suddenly.
What deaths really bothered you? Were the most bothersome ones where something was drawn out or where someone died suddenly?
Although I'm not offended by the word bothersome (I've heard far worse mis-uses of language) I am trying to get a sense of what it is you are feeling and asking.
Are you troubled by the randomness of death, and how it might happen to you? Are you troubled by the loss of your drinking buddy? Are you trying to suss out what others feel to inform your own feelings?
Answering those questions: Death can be random and unexpected. That's life. You can accept it or not. Sorry for the loss of your drinking buddy. Hopefully you had more in common than sharing a brew. As far as your own feelings, they are yours whatever they are. Trying to find some metric as to what is appropriate may mean you need to do some introspection to find your honest feelings.
Grief is generally directly related to emotional attachment. If a random person in India dies, I have no grief upon learning of that death. I had intense grief, and still do, over the death of my wife. Like others, I also had grief over the loss of a close pet. Grief can also relate to fantasy, goals, heroes and heroines. People felt real grief over the loss of public figures like Princess Di.
From your post, it seems that your drinking buddy was a casual acquaintance and you may be experiencing shock more than grief. But then I can't see through the walls of computers and the personal firewalls that we all have, so I could be wrong.
When I hear about old people dying it affects me in a much different way than when a baby or child dies. Those are the ones that bother me the most. A young life cut tragically short bothers me the most. Someone close to me had 3 children including a toddler who was experiencing flu like symptoms. She called the advice line for the ped and they told her to give her something to control the symptoms. The next day she was dead. This scares the everlasting S&$T out of me being the father of 2 toddlers.
Although I'm not offended by the word bothersome (I've heard far worse mis-uses of language) I am trying to get a sense of what it is you are feeling and asking.
Are you troubled by the randomness of death, and how it might happen to you? Are you troubled by the loss of your drinking buddy? Are you trying to suss out what others feel to inform your own feelings?
Answering those questions: Death can be random and unexpected. That's life. You can accept it or not. Sorry for the loss of your drinking buddy. Hopefully you had more in common than sharing a brew. As far as your own feelings, they are yours whatever they are. Trying to find some metric as to what is appropriate may mean you need to do some introspection to find your honest feelings.
Grief is generally directly related to emotional attachment. If a random person in India dies, I have no grief upon learning of that death. I had intense grief, and still do, over the death of my wife. Like others, I also had grief over the loss of a close pet. Grief can also relate to fantasy, goals, heroes and heroines. People felt real grief over the loss of public figures like Princess Di.
From your post, it seems that your drinking buddy was a casual acquaintance and you may be experiencing shock more than grief. But then I can't see through the walls of computers and the personal firewalls that we all have, so I could be wrong.
I probably should have used something else like shocking or impactful than "bothersome." He was a fairly casual acquaintance. I knew what he did for a living, what some of his hobbies were, etc., but it's more of "the here today, gone tomorrow" thing for a seemingly healthy, relatively young man.
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