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Harry -- I am very sorry for the loss of, first your mom, and now, your dad. It is one of the hardest things to go through, and sad.
The loss of the "home base" happens to so many people, and it is hard. Sometimes a sibling with a family of their own moves into the family home, and thing stay more or less the same. But most of the time this does not happen.
Before the home is sold, think carefully before it is gone forever. Sometimes when this happens, a person decides they do want to return home, and they buy out their siblings' share, and move in. Of course, you would need to have a job in order to support yourself and pay taxes, etc. But people do this all the time. There is the added advantage of having family friends in the area. Sometimes, especially if the neighborhood has gentrified, it is your best bet to get a home. So think very hard before agreeing to sell the family home.
Sometimes, after living away, you come to appreciate your home town. Maybe you have found out that the grass is not greener on the other side of the fence. If you think you may want to return, investigate opportunities in the area. If you need to, postpone selling until you have made a final decision. [Note: if the property is in a locale with high property taxes this can be expensive to do and you will need to be able to afford to live there].
Harry, you are in a period of grief and it is a bad time to make major life decisions. I am guessing, since you have not mentioned a spouse, that you are a bachelor, at least for now. Only you can decide if you want to stay where you are, or possibly move somewhere else, or possibly back home.
Again, I am sorry for your loss. I hope everything works out for you.
Years ago the youngest son took over the family farm and bought it.
He married and the parents moved off or died.
There many times was resentment from the wife as she said she never felt like her or her husband had a place of their own.
Every holiday it was assumed that she would be hosting it because it's" the home place"
If one of the descendants do buy the " home place", remember that it may be your " home place" in your mind, but it is the actual home place of the sibling if they now live there.
let me tell you this: I am an immigrant and i did not just leave my home and my parents. I left EVERYTHING - school and college memories, siblings, friends, great jobs, culture and people speaking my native language.
What really helped me to move on is my new -better place and my ability to look forward instead of back. I knew that life was continuing and i had to do something to make it BETTER, yes better than it was before.
Do i miss my 'previous life'? I used to but not anymore. My new life, new events and new memories have overlapped the old ones. You better realize that there is life out there FOR YOU. No need to forget your past but you can create happy present and future too. Think about it. You owe it to yourself.
It was my parents home for 47 years. I grew up there. After I emptied out their stuff it wasn't the same. It didn't seem like their house any longer. It was just empty rooms. I spent every major holiday there for 47 years but without them and their stuff it was just a house. Jumping ahead 12 years, I don't really have any feelings for it now. Couldn't care less what happens to it or who lives there. People make the home.
Give it time.
Well now I am feeling a little better about it, I am currently selling the house to a friend of my girlfriend, who wants to raise her family there. So if it all goes well the house will be well taken care of. I have all the sentimental things I need for now. I took plenty of video and pics of the house before I started emptying things out. It is sad for me and my brothers when we see the house emptying out though.
As for the house, he came to his senses about moving there and looked for the right buyer. The property was very much in demand so we got lots of phone calls, letters from realtors and buyers with offers to buy the house. My husband decided to sell it to a young couple with two children who he said reminded him of us as a couple-they even had the same first names as we do. They fell in love with the house and area, and my husband figured they'd love the house as his parents and he had, would take care of it, and have a good life there as he had. Turns out that's pretty much been the case.
That's our story, kind of a life goes on scenario, I guess.
In any case, my condolences to you and your family for your losses, and I pray that in the days to come, you'll see the path that's the best for you to continue on with your own lives, and, take solace in the memories and love you shared with your parents.
Thanks for sharing.
I never thought of moving there, one because I was there for 2 months while taking care of my father, and two because I already have my own house that I dont want to move out of. I like it down here.
Since I wrote my OP I have been keeping busy to enjoy life where I live. I live close to the beach so I get to go thee often before they close.
We have a young couple that we are selling the house to. I havent fully emptied the house yet, but that will hurt once that happens.
My next door neighbor went through the same thing, but the house she grew up in doesnt mean anything to her anymore, and her last parent dies only 6 years ago.
I have plenty of pictures an some video, and alot of voice mails, so I have that to lean on if I need it.
So sorry, Harry. I know how you feel. When my last parent died I was in my 40s, but I still felt like an orphan. I was married with my own family, but I just felt like my safety net was gone.
Could you or a sibling buy the house? Can you leave it be for a few months until you grieve a bit?
My brothers and I thought of this, but none of us wants to keep the house, we dont feel like we need to. I have my own house, my older brother has his house with his family, and my little brother would wreck it, so we are selling right away, Its in a highly sought after neighborhood so its going to a good couple, thank goodness. Not to mention, I got plenty of time in it from early July when my father died unti whenever we hand over the keys. By then there wont be much more memories to hold onto. Cant keep the furniture, it wont mean anything outside the house yknow?
I lived in my childhood home for 9 years after my last parent died. It wasn't really "home" anymore without them there so I sold it.
Time is the healer. Give it some time. Don't rush into anything just yet.
I think I am coming to that same conclusion but much sooner. The house doesnt really mean much without my parents in it. They were really good to me, and Id prefer to have them back instead of the house.
Before my dad died, the idea was for him to come down to live with me, or at least in my area, he loved it down here.
Before the home is sold, think carefully before it is gone forever. Sometimes when this happens, a person decides they do want to return home, and they buy out their siblings' share, and move in. Of course, you would need to have a job in order to support yourself and pay taxes, etc. But people do this all the time. There is the added advantage of having family friends in the area. Sometimes, especially if the neighborhood has gentrified, it is your best bet to get a home. So think very hard before agreeing to sell the family home.
Sometimes, after living away, you come to appreciate your home town. Maybe you have found out that the grass is not greener on the other side of the fence. If you think you may want to return, investigate opportunities in the area. If you need to, postpone selling until you have made a final decision. [Note: if the property is in a locale with high property taxes this can be expensive to do and you will need to be able to afford to live there].
Hi Holly,
Truth is there is nothing left for me in my home town.
Im not in touch with anyone there, neighbors, old school friends, nothing. Without my parents actually there, the town means nothing to me now. No reason for me to go there.
I prefer to stay in my own house where I live now. I dont have many people to talk to down here, but it is my own house, and I prefer this area. Besides, the property taxes are nuts, my parents house doesnt have central air, and I really dont want to stay there without my parents. I had to watch my father deteriorate there, Its a little hard when I can just re-live that there.
Every holiday it was assumed that she would be hosting it because it's" the home place"
If one of the descendants do buy the " home place", remember that it may be your " home place" in your mind, but it is the actual home place of the sibling if they now live there.
Luckily for us, my older brothers house has been the place for the family gatherings since my SIL likes to do the hosting and cooking. Plus my mother couldnt host anymore the last 4 years due to her dementia.
Also my family is very small, so even if I lived in the house with my GF, we wouldnt have the hosting issue.
Thanks for the thought though, that is something that could have been a problem, and needs to be thought about.
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