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Greetings,
On 9/6/09 my mother passed away. My dad died 4/1/03 from Leukemia. My mom had diabeties since 1990 and the Dr's say she had some heart stoppage that caused her to stop breathing, she started breathing again but was braindead when 911 was called.
My parents were 45/42 when I was born. I never saw them as young and as a kid I always had a "fear" something bad would happen. ( I think this may be common with those of us with older parents?). Anyway, I am now 37 and my sister is 53. Two weeks before she passed I went back home to visit her and tell her I loved her, and I asked her about her wishes. She had a bad high blood sugar attack (1500) and her kidneys failed but they were able to get her back to normal after 1 1/2 weeks. I "knew" that was the last time I would see her alive and I knew she was aware her time was near.
I put on the brave front for the service and burial but I go to work tomorrow and don't know how I am going to make it. I called her everyday on my way home and I have never made that drive without our quick talks. She was such a good friend to me as I became a wife and mother. I am truly devastated. I know she wanted to go and she was tired of dealing with her illness. Can anyone share some coping strategies. I am really hurting right now.
Can adults be considered "orphans"?.
I think this is something that everyone who loves their parents goes through. I don't think that anything but time will take your hurt away. I will be there one day myself and I am not looking forward to it at all.
It's so sad when we lose the people we love. I'm so sorry.
My sincerest condolences. Laying a parent to rest is one of the hardest things we have to do in our adult life.
My dad died at the age of 49 of cancer, the week before he died, my mom was diagnosed with cancer, she never told him. It was all overwhelming, and it took me almost two years to fell normal again. I was just starting to get closer to my dad when he was diagnosed. I was told on my 26th birthday he had a week to live, he died two days later. We had an up and down relationship, but I loved him very much, and I still think of him. There are times when I wish he was around to experience something that's happened in my life or my kids life. There were days I'd give just anything to have ten more minutes with him, just to give him a hug and tell him he did alright, and I love him.
I'm not sure what kind of life your mom led, but if you can take some comfort in knowing that she was fortunate enough to have two loving children, a husband who loved her, and she reached senior citizen status, she came out ahead of the game. Lot's of people's lives are cut short for one reason or another. Allow yourself to grieve, let it take it's course, but stay active. Perhaps wear or carry something of hers every day, so you can feel as though a part of her is right there with you, always. She wouldn't want you to spend too many years in mourning, you are relatively young, try not to squandor too many years. Make them count, it goes fast.
I use to hate to come home but still felt the urge to hurry home just like I did when he was alive. It was a horrible feeling knowing he wasn't going to be there. You learn to cope with it.
To the OP, I am really sorry to hear about your parents. My mom is still with us, but my dad died a month or so after I got back from Korea in the mid-1990's and while I have moved on with my life, I am still not completely over it. So I know the pain you're going through and I wish you and your family all the best. That is such a tough thing to handle.
I am truly sorry for your loss. I am still blessed to have my parents so I can only imagine what you're going thru.
1st thing...there is no right way to mourn. Please don't let anyone dismiss how you feel.
Right now you hurt real bad. In time (that time is on your schedule no one else's) the hurt will ease and you'll be able to remember the good memories and smile. After the smiles comes the laughter.
Yes, we can. Forgive me, but I can't get into this right now...
I'd recommend a couple of books to you:
Motherless Daughters - the legacy of loss; by Hope Edelman
The Orphaned Adult - understanding and coping with grief and change after the death of our parents; by Alexander Levy
this is a great book Sierra mentioned. Please read it...
I am sorry for your loss. I have lost both parents and feel like an ORPHAN totally! My dad died when I was 23 @ 58 and my mom died 6 years later when I was 29. Awful. It never truly hit me until my mom died. She was my best friend. I feel the way you do BUT you will get through it. She never got to see my twins when they were born. It haunts me that they don't have their grandmother/grandfather. Going to a grief support help group does help...when you are ready though. I went and felt better....Time heals. Memories never fade. Take care of YOU too. It is a hard road....lean on your family and friends for support. It helps.
To answer your question, yes, adults can be orphans.. That is how I feel. I always wanted to reach for the phone and call my mom too like you. I called her every day and it's normal to feel like that.... I think for me having a dream about her about 4 months after she died made me feel more at peace because she came to me in the dream and told me she was ok, that she was "healed'.
It is sad. You had a routine, it was part of your life, part of everyday living but, life does go on and count yourself lucky. You are now an adult when they passed. I lost my dad when I was 9, my mom when I was 14, life after that was a blur.
You will always miss your parents, their habits, sayings, the way their hands look, a look they give, a phrase they say. Going back to work will get a little easier everyday, going about your daily routine will be easier everyday.
Keep the memories alive, move on with your life - your parents would want you to move on. It does get better but it takes a long time.
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