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Decent is how your hair grows out of your head. Afros, twists, locs are beautiful and unique. It's what makes black people stand out from other races. This seems to be a mental thing that I thought disappeared with the natural hair movement.
I don't need to stand out. I'm just me. And It is harder for me to manage my hair when its nappy/coily/whatever you want to call it. I also don't need to like something because other black people do. I absolutely HATE the way locs look, afros second to that.
I just have to do the best I can with it while still relaxing. I had it growing nicely while still getting relaxers (but stretching them) until it was messed up by a hairdresser. It's growing back out now so I will just do what I was doing before the hairdresser got ahold of it.
I don't need to stand out. I'm just me. And It is harder for me to manage my hair when its nappy/coily/whatever you want to call it. I also don't need to like something because other black people do. I absolutely HATE the way locs look, afros second to that.
I just have to do the best I can with it while still relaxing. I had it growing nicely while still getting relaxers (but stretching them) until it was messed up by a hairdresser. It's growing back out now so I will just do what I was doing before the hairdresser got ahold of it.
I think she just meant that we have unique hair different from every other group of women in this country and instead of trying to mimic the way other women wear there hair we should embrace our uniqueness and what God gave us. At first we will stand out because it is apparent that our natural kinky naps looks untamed and big and different. But just like Asian women have different eyes and now according to studies are seen as the most attractive race in this country, I think black that looking unique and showing off what makes us different as black women will eventually be a positive thing.
I'm like you-I really find my natural hair difficult to manage but I think it's because I never actually learned how to do it. My mom did my hair in protective styles like braids or braids with beads until I was 7 and then compared to my sisters she admitted my hair was too thick and that it was difficult doing it so she sent me to a salon to get a relaxer. Currently at 28 I only know how to manage my relaxed hair, because I've always gotten them. Now all the sudden I'm having to try to learn how to do my hair which is why I'm having difficulty managing it. I believe that if I was use to doing my hair I would not find it so difficult and would adapt. The problem is that now I have so much going on that the trial and error and hot mess looks I would have to go through during my first year of trying my natural hair is not something I can really do right now. Straight hair I know how to do and manage and because I do I like how it looks because I know how to keep it neat looking.
I love seeing black women with natural hair that looks kept up and taken care of but I know that it took them time to learn how to do it. Im going to try to go to a natural hair salon when I take this weave down to see if they can help me manage it.
I think she just meant that we have unique hair different from every other group of women in this country and instead of trying to mimic the way other women wear there hair we should embrace our uniqueness and what God gave us. At first we will stand out because it is apparent that our natural kinky naps looks untamed and big and different. But just like Asian women have different eyes and now according to studies are seen as the most attractive race in this country, I think black that looking unique and showing off what makes us different as black women will eventually be a positive thing.
I'm like you-I really find my natural hair difficult to manage but I think it's because I never actually learned how to do it. My mom did my hair in protective styles like braids or braids with beads until I was 7 and then compared to my sisters she admitted my hair was too thick and that it was difficult doing it so she sent me to a salon to get a relaxer. Currently at 28 I only know how to manage my relaxed hair, because I've always gotten them. Now all the sudden I'm having to try to learn how to do my hair which is why I'm having difficulty managing it. I believe that if I was use to doing my hair I would not find it so difficult and would adapt. The problem is that now I have so much going on that the trial and error and hot mess looks I would have to go through during my first year of trying my natural hair is not something I can really do right now. Straight hair I know how to do and manage and because I do I like how it looks because I know how to keep it neat looking.
I love seeing black women with natural hair that looks kept up and taken care of but I know that it took them time to learn how to do it. Im going to try to go to a natural hair salon when I take this weave down to see if they can help me manage it.
Exactly. I know someone who keeps "frying" her hair to make it straight. She ends up destroying it and having to chop it off and has to start over.
She finally tried going natural but complained about how difficult her hair is to manage. Now she's back to the cycle and still complaining.
I stopped getting relaxers in 2007. Now I wear twistouts all the time.
I had the opposite problem that you've had with stretching relaxers - I had a stylist who insisted on doing relaxer touch-ups every 6 weeks but I didn't want them that frequently. I left her and went to another salon where I got relaxers every 12 weeks until I stopped getting them altogether.
I know what you mean about the heat from blow outs! I remember the intense heat on my scalp from the blow dryer after I left my regular stylist and went to the other salon. The first time I went I didn't get a relaxer, I just got a shampoo and rollerset. My previous stylist had used a flat iron or hot comb to get my roots straight in between relaxers. At the new salon they used a blow dryer and a round brush. That heat was something else!
First of all, I really have no patience for hair stylists that try to tell you how you should wear your hair. Advising on how to keep your hair healthy....or suggestions on styles that might fit your lifestyle and appearance goals, that's one thing. But ultimately, it is advice; and you have every right not to follow it. They should proceed to the best of their ability to do whatever hair style you desire and paid them to do.
I've been natural (this time) for 5 years. I was natural before about 15 years ago...before putting my hair in locs. To be honest, my transition this time around hasn't been good. At first I had my hair in braids; and in between, I would get my hair flat ironed to blend the new growth and relaxed ends. Along the way I also had two 2nd trimester miscarriages so I felt that the big hormone fluctuations wrecked havoc on my hair. At some point the hair around the crown of my head had broken off so bad, the hair there wasn't even long enough to cover my fingernails! At this point I stopped using heat completely...blow drying included. But because my hair was so short in large patches, I kept putting it into a ponytail (all my edges were fine...thankfully, I've never had an issue with my edges...at least in the front), and then added fake hair to the bun for fullness.
Then two years ago I started getting quick weaves. My sister does them really well. She would cornrow my hair, then put a wig cap on top, then glue the hair to the cap. At first, I thought this was a great protective style. Since the glue was on the wig cap, minimal hair would be lost by the glue ripping out my hair. However my scalp really suffered. I have an issue with dandruff, and quick weaves made it terrible! I would leave them in for 4-6 weeks, and by then my scalp would be itch city and my parts were full of flakes . The last quick weave I took out was last Thanksgiving. Not only did I have flakes, but I lost a huge ball of hair after washing! While a good portion of this was shed hair, I felt that even with normal shedding, that it was way too much for 4 weeks (it literally could fill two of my palms! ). I concluded that the combination of infrequent washing (hence limited moisture) and a scalp that wasn't able to breathe was not doing my hair any favors. Also I was starting to experience breakage around my nape (probably from the wig caps) and I didn't like that either.
My sister also has natural hair and is a big fan of the Shea Moisture line. I felt that my hair had grown in enough to ditch the weave (it's still shockingly short after 5 years...but at least I don't have entire sections of uneven, damaged hair like I had 2 years ago). I brought their shampoo and a deep conditioning mask (which honestly, I'm not a big fan of). I also brought the Cantu leave in conditioner and two spray bottles. In one spray bottle I have just water. In the other I have a "scalp refresher" of 1/2 water, 1/2 apple cider vinegar, tea tree oil, and honey. I spray this on my scalp about an hour before washing...and I've really pleased in that I hardly ever see flakes on my scalp anymore!
In my family, just my sister and I have natural hair....everyone else is perming still. Most of the Black women I see sport weaves but it has become 1000% easier to get products geared towards Black women with natural hair then it was before. I personally don't find the maintenance with natural hair overwhelming. I will say that I had to change my thinking and approach to my hair though. For one, water is your friend. Natural Black hair can't get enough moisture! I don't like the feel of product buildup so after washing I use the hair butters and creams...but then for the next day or two I just refresh my hair with water. Yes, it makes your hair a bit frizzy and you lose some of the curl definition...but I don't mind this. The next thing is to leave combs and brushes alone. The only comb I use is a shower comb with super wide teeth. I use it when my hair is wet to distribute conditioner through my hair. Then I have a wet-dry paddle brush that I use to detangle my hair when I've twisting it (I wear twist outs). If my hair begins to feel crunchy, I spray with water! I don't comb or brush dry hair. I style and detangle with my fingers in between wash days. If I discover a stubborn knot in my hair, I spray that bad boy with my water bottle. Works every time!
Sorry for the length on this post. But I'm living proof that you can have natural hair, and it still be damaged. My hair looked great when it was relaxed; but it doesn't fit my ideal of beauty. But I also believe you shouldn't follow the crowd. I personally find the maintenance on natural hair to be a breeze. But that's because I can do it myself (I can't do my own weaves and braids) and it only takes 20 min to wash my hair, and an hour to detangle and twist my hair. I do spend money on good products, but it's not more than paying $50-$75 for weave hair every 6 weeks or paying someone $200 to braid my hair every 2 months. I don't have long or "good" hair either (I don't like that term, but when you say it, Black folks instantly know what you mean, so I'll use it here). My Dad and his side of the family are East Indian so on top of that I've heard for most of my life how terrible my hair is. Fortunately as an adult I've been able to appreciate it and embrace it and realize that healthy hair of any type or length is beautiful hair!
First of all, I really have no patience for hair stylists that try to tell you how you should wear your hair. Advising on how to keep your hair healthy....or suggestions on styles that might fit your lifestyle and appearance goals, that's one thing. But ultimately, it is advice; and you have every right not to follow it. They should proceed to the best of their ability to do whatever hair style you desire and paid them to do.
I've been natural (this time) for 5 years. I was natural before about 15 years ago...before putting my hair in locs. To be honest, my transition this time around hasn't been good. At first I had my hair in braids; and in between, I would get my hair flat ironed to blend the new growth and relaxed ends. Along the way I also had two 2nd trimester miscarriages so I felt that the big hormone fluctuations wrecked havoc on my hair. At some point the hair around the crown of my head had broken off so bad, the hair there wasn't even long enough to cover my fingernails! At this point I stopped using heat completely...blow drying included. But because my hair was so short in large patches, I kept putting it into a ponytail (all my edges were fine...thankfully, I've never had an issue with my edges...at least in the front), and then added fake hair to the bun for fullness.
Then two years ago I started getting quick weaves. My sister does them really well. She would cornrow my hair, then put a wig cap on top, then glue the hair to the cap. At first, I thought this was a great protective style. Since the glue was on the wig cap, minimal hair would be lost by the glue ripping out my hair. However my scalp really suffered. I have an issue with dandruff, and quick weaves made it terrible! I would leave them in for 4-6 weeks, and by then my scalp would be itch city and my parts were full of flakes . The last quick weave I took out was last Thanksgiving. Not only did I have flakes, but I lost a huge ball of hair after washing! While a good portion of this was shed hair, I felt that even with normal shedding, that it was way too much for 4 weeks (it literally could fill two of my palms! ). I concluded that the combination of infrequent washing (hence limited moisture) and a scalp that wasn't able to breathe was not doing my hair any favors. Also I was starting to experience breakage around my nape (probably from the wig caps) and I didn't like that either.
My sister also has natural hair and is a big fan of the Shea Moisture line. I felt that my hair had grown in enough to ditch the weave (it's still shockingly short after 5 years...but at least I don't have entire sections of uneven, damaged hair like I had 2 years ago). I brought their shampoo and a deep conditioning mask (which honestly, I'm not a big fan of). I also brought the Cantu leave in conditioner and two spray bottles. In one spray bottle I have just water. In the other I have a "scalp refresher" of 1/2 water, 1/2 apple cider vinegar, tea tree oil, and honey. I spray this on my scalp about an hour before washing...and I've really pleased in that I hardly ever see flakes on my scalp anymore!
In my family, just my sister and I have natural hair....everyone else is perming still. Most of the Black women I see sport weaves but it has become 1000% easier to get products geared towards Black women with natural hair then it was before. I personally don't find the maintenance with natural hair overwhelming. I will say that I had to change my thinking and approach to my hair though. For one, water is your friend. Natural Black hair can't get enough moisture! I don't like the feel of product buildup so after washing I use the hair butters and creams...but then for the next day or two I just refresh my hair with water. Yes, it makes your hair a bit frizzy and you lose some of the curl definition...but I don't mind this. The next thing is to leave combs and brushes alone. The only comb I use is a shower comb with super wide teeth. I use it when my hair is wet to distribute conditioner through my hair. Then I have a wet-dry paddle brush that I use to detangle my hair when I've twisting it (I wear twist outs). If my hair begins to feel crunchy, I spray with water! I don't comb or brush dry hair. I style and detangle with my fingers in between wash days. If I discover a stubborn knot in my hair, I spray that bad boy with my water bottle. Works every time!
Sorry for the length on this post. But I'm living proof that you can have natural hair, and it still be damaged. My hair looked great when it was relaxed; but it doesn't fit my ideal of beauty. But I also believe you shouldn't follow the crowd. I personally find the maintenance on natural hair to be a breeze. But that's because I can do it myself (I can't do my own weaves and braids) and it only takes 20 min to wash my hair, and an hour to detangle and twist my hair. I do spend money on good products, but it's not more than paying $50-$75 for weave hair every 6 weeks or paying someone $200 to braid my hair every 2 months. I don't have long or "good" hair either (I don't like that term, but when you say it, Black folks instantly know what you mean, so I'll use it here). My Dad and his side of the family are East Indian so on top of that I've heard for most of my life how terrible my hair is. Fortunately as an adult I've been able to appreciate it and embrace it and realize that healthy hair of any type or length is beautiful hair!
Forgot about this thread. I've stopped wearing weaves and am now wearing wigs to gradually learn how to take care of my natural hair. It's braided and I've been able to experiment to see what products work well, how my hair responds etc. I'm going to resume completely wearing my natural hair in a few months and this transition I've made(in learning my hair) has been really helpful. I will most likely be putting heat on my hair every two-three weeks, and probably won't be as creative as I could be(I foresee a lot of buns lol) but at least I will know how to take care of it. Right now I wash my hair with apple cider vinegar, and use aloe Vera juice, water, Shea moisture hair milk and qhemet hair wax-all mixed together as a daily hair moisturizer. I use coconut oil to prepoo, and use Jamican black castor oil on my edges and as a sealant. My hair feels great and I've noticed its smoother, softer, etc. I don't have detangling down pat yet, but will soon enough.
I do like my hair a certain way and length though, and that is why I will use heat on it and still straighten it once or twice a month.
I haven't relaxed my hair in months. I am going natural, and not putting any heat near my head, because it just makes hair thinner. And with relaxer, you risk burning the hair follicles where your hair grows. Then I had a bad tangle, and break in 2014. So I am now nursing it back to health, like it was in 2013.
Basically, when done right, my hair is in a nice crinkle. Very low maintenance. Least for now. When it starts to grow out more, it may take a bit longer lol
1st step is wetting it,. Just a rinse with water.
2nd would be A leave in conditioner. I am experimenting with some different ones.
3rd. Oiling it - any natural oils are fine, even olive oil.
Last is Leave-In Conditioning Repair cream. Contu Butter
So those 4 steps. Done daily. And it only takes 15-20 min to do.
My hair isn't tangling. I can untangle anything with my fingers. I haven't used a comb in a few months either. Even with washing my hair, I use the same regimen - there's just shampoo involved. But I try to avoid washing too much because the shampoo strips the hair.
So overall, with the regimen I am using, it's not hard and it doesn't take alot of flat-ironing, blow drying,, curlers, etc. Just do the 4 steps and let it go natural. And it looks good, long as it doesn't dry out. When hair dries out, it poofs all over the place.
So my hair looks like this, or close to, when done. http://ic.pics.livejournal.com/silve...1_original.jpg
Our hair is the same in length when crinkled. But mine isn't as thick as her's, so it doesn't round out like that. But that's the shape/style it's in.
Last edited by HappyRain; 02-23-2016 at 06:52 AM..
How do you all manage trims etc and damage from poor stylists? Over the years I've been going to different stylists to get my hair flat ironed, washed, sometimes weaves, braids etc. There is one in particular that I went to routinely and she was very rough with my hair-she never used heat protectant, was rough when she combed my hair out, and did not moisturize it. When I asked her about moisturizing she said I didn't need to because my hairs natural oil will do all the work. I went to her on and off the last 3 years. While I didn't like the way she blasted heat on my hair amongst other things my hair still looked healthy and was at a length I like. It wasn't until earlier this year when I started to see damage. I attributed it to neglecting to stay on top of trimming, wearing extensions, and not mosturizing my hair. In any case I got almost 3.5 inches of hair cut off a few weeks ago because of the damage. After this my ends looked healthy to me. I then got it braided up and slapped on a wig during the work week because I didn't want to look too ethnic at my job(none of the few black women here have ethnic styles). I went to someone new on Saturday to get my hair washed and conditioned, blow dried and braided up again, and she asked me if I wanted to get my hair trimmed... I was confused because I just got my hair cut, and did not see why this new stylist wanted to trim my hair again. I told her no and explained that I just got it cut. She was tripping about it and said my hair really needs a trim. The thing that made me tell her no was that I just got it cut and thought it was ridiculous that I would need a trim two weeks later... This was also her first time doing my hair and I felt like she said it right away without getting to know my hair at all, and I don't just get my trims done by anyone. Some people say "trim" and it really means cut it down several inches, others actually mean that they will trim. Sometimes trimming means cutting all the hair to be even(I.e if one side is longer than the other), others mean cutting it so that it can be styled a certain way(bob, layers, etc). Black stylists are often scissor happy ime, so at the time I felt comfortable with not having her "trim".
That being said I do believe that after a few years of not taking care of my hair and going to a poor stylist that my hair is damaged which is why I got 3.5 inches cut off a few weeks ago, but I'm wondering if that stylist was right and I need to cut even more off?
I cannot see the ends of my hair because it is braided and tucked in but when I got it cut weeks ago, I distinctly remember that the way that we were able to tell how much hair needed to be cut were due to the thin straggly dry ends. Once she cut those off my hair seemed fine... I'm not about to do a chop for no reason but I also don't want to hold on to hair that needs to be cut. I'm wondering if i should get more cut off or wait a couple of months and just get it trimmed then. It doesn't seem like many naturals trim their hair as often as relaxers do and I believe that cutting it all the time is counter productive.
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At this point I stopped using heat completely...blow drying included. But because my hair was so short in large patches, I kept putting it into a ponytail (all my edges were fine...thankfully, I've never had an issue with my edges...at least in the front), and then added fake hair to the bun for fullness.
. The last quick weave I took out was last Thanksgiving. Not only did I have flakes, but I lost a huge ball of hair after washing! While a good portion of this was shed hair, I felt that even with normal shedding, that it was way too much for 4 weeks (it literally could fill two of my palms! 
