Yes ma'am/No ma'am culture (Howe, Spur: to live in, versus, authority)

[ptt]

Originally Posted by swopoe

Agree with the above. I am 43 and feel really awkward when someone calls me ma’m. I was raised to be very respectful, and my kids are all very respectful, we just don’t call people sir and ma’m.

Same here.

[Thoreau424]

Weird that people would be put off by mam and sir, considering that they are labels of respect. We don't have to reciprocate and use the labels, but we should appreciate them as signs of an earlier and more considerate age. We've lost so much that many don't even realize.

[Treasurevalley92]

Originally Posted by Thoreau424

Weird that people would be put off by mam and sir, considering that they are labels of respect. We don't have to reciprocate and use the labels, but we should appreciate them as signs of an earlier and more considerate age. We've lost so much that many don't even realize.

"Bless your heart" is also seemingly a polite thing to say and that is almost always sarcastic.

You don't need to use formalities in regular conversation to be polite.

[Vicman]

Reminds me of how the Japanese "kisama" (貴様) used to be a polite mechanism but became an insult.

There are cultures where being polite is paramount and those where being polite is seen as unnecessary and directness is prized.

Originally Posted by Treasurevalley92

"Bless your heart" is also seemingly a polite thing to say and that is almost always sarcastic.

You don't need to use formalities in regular conversation to be polite.

[tewest86]

I moved here after living in NOLA for 10 years post college. I was born and raised in Mississippi. I am AA. It's just our culture to say yes/no ma'am. I say it to everyone no matter age. I make my kids say it.

Sometimes it get's awkward. I remember starting my Engineer work after college and I would say it to my Supervisor. I still do it even when try to stop. It's drilled in me. I say it to my parents. I just can't bring myself to just say yes and no to my parents.

When I'm in public, I will say "Excuse me sir!". I just see it as a sign of respect. No, I don't think I'm still on the plantation and need to ask for Master's permission. I've been accused of that before. It's just how I was raised. I get plenty of compliments. Especially from white older ladies. They'll say things like "Young man, you are so polite" or something like that.

[DabOnEm]

Originally Posted by swopoe

Agree with the above. I am 43 and feel really awkward when someone calls me ma’m. I was raised to be very respectful, and my kids are all very respectful, we just don’t call people sir and ma’m.

People call me sir all the time and I'm in my mid-20s. Even in LA, it's not uncommon to hear and I definitely hear it a lot more when I'm in Texas. Doesn't bother me at all. I was raised to respect my elders so I do it to for senior citizens mainly. People my age don't get that of course. Plus it's really only used with strangers. Like at work, I never refer to anyone who may be above me as "sir/maam", I just use their name.

[DejaBlue]

With how dry and monotone children often speak to adults the "yeahhhhhh" is a bit disrespectful. If you don't have them say ma'am or sir, their standard should be a "Yes"


Yeah is "I really don't want to answer or talk to you". IMO.


I say ma'am and sir out of respect for leadership and elders. For me, if you're my boss I say ma'am or sir or last name. I have never and honestly don't feel right calling my boss Drew. He's Mr. ____. He's not my buddy or friend.


I can't not say ma'am or sir to someone older enough to be my parent or younger aunt or uncle. No one gets bent out of shape being called sir or ma'am.

[Vicman]

In the culture I was raised in, in urban Houston: IMO it depends on what kind of relationship you have with them and what kind of interaction it is.

If someone's mom is like "I found a cool movie. Wanna watch it?" - "Yeah" would be perfectly OK.

But if it is like "James (instead of Jimmy), we found that you had several Fs in your report card. We are suspending your car privileges for the month." That is where some formality is warranted.

This goes for both parents and authority figures.

Originally Posted by DejaBlue

With how dry and monotone children often speak to adults the "yeahhhhhh" is a bit disrespectful. If you don't have them say ma'am or sir, their standard should be a "Yes"


Yeah is "I really don't want to answer or talk to you". IMO.


I say ma'am and sir out of respect for leadership and elders. For me, if you're my boss I say ma'am or sir or last name. I have never and honestly don't feel right calling my boss Drew. He's Mr. ____. He's not my buddy or friend.


I can't not say ma'am or sir to someone older enough to be my parent or younger aunt or uncle. No one gets bent out of shape being called sir or ma'am.

I'm OK with being called "sir" because I expect that out of people in the service industry (even in relatively casual establishments they are there to please the customer, although in some types of establishments/situations I am OK with things being a bit more loosey goosey)

Originally Posted by DabOnEm

People call me sir all the time and I'm in my mid-20s. Even in LA, it's not uncommon to hear and I definitely hear it a lot more when I'm in Texas. Doesn't bother me at all. I was raised to respect my elders so I do it to for senior citizens mainly. People my age don't get that of course. Plus it's really only used with strangers. Like at work, I never refer to anyone who may be above me as "sir/maam", I just use their name.

[DabOnEm]

Originally Posted by DejaBlue

I say ma'am and sir out of respect for leadership and elders. For me, if you're my boss I say ma'am or sir or last name. I have never and honestly don't feel right calling my boss Drew. He's Mr. ____. He's not my buddy or friend.

Wow that's interesting. I guess it depends on what industry you're in. Tech and entertainment here in LA is usually just their first name. The energy industry in Houston must be more formal. I've never once called my boss by their last name, but people coming in from government jobs typically do that I've noticed.

[SanJac]

Originally Posted by DabOnEm

Wow that's interesting. I guess it depends on what industry you're in. Tech and entertainment here in LA is usually just their first name. The energy industry in Houston must be more formal. I've never once called my boss by their last name, but people coming in from government jobs typically do that I've noticed.

Health professionals used to do this as well. My mom was a nurse and she referred to her coworkers by their surnames. Not sure if this is still the case.