[kimba01]

I am so confused on what to do right now, I thought I would ask for some help from relatively unbiased folks...I can't ask my family or his because they would have personal views attached. Here goes:

Everyone probably knows MI is hurting bad and has been for far longer than most states. That said, my husband's employer asked him to transfer to the Vegas area. Said he had tons of work for him and much better opportunity. (foreman, superintendent, more money...)

So...he took the transfer. This could be anywhere from 1.5 yrs to 10. He came out in July and I followed with my 14yo daughter in August. I left 3 of my children back in MI-2 daughters-24 and 23 who are now pregnant and due in April and May with their first babies, and a son, 18 who lives with his dad.

We rented an apt for 6 mos to see if we would like the area and such. We chose this apt. due to alot of factors-best high school, close proximity to his job and it was nice. The lease is up in Dec. In order for us to stay in Henderson we would have to either re-lease or buy an apt/condo. Housing in this area is still a little too high for us with the house back in MI. I don't wish to keep paying rent here, they are going to raise it, and the apt./condo thing just doesn't seem real smart. High HOAs and let's face it-they are apts. They don't resell well at all. But you can get them fairly cheap and the pmt would be cheaper than renting.

Other option is to buy in the NW, nice area. Good prices for the homes. But...my daughter would have to change schools again and mid-year to boot. Not thrilled about that at all. Plus, we would want to fly back for the babies occasionally. Not cheap either.

Or...I go home with her and let her finish out HS there (she would be thrilled)and my husband and I would just commute back and forth when we could until she graduates, then I would move here. He would possibly stay with another guy to save money and look for a home to purchase. BTW, she is in 9th grade so it would be 3.5 yrs 'til graduation.

There would be the cost of moving things back home after we just did this 2.5 mos ago. Ugh. And probably storing some things for my husband until he gets a house.

I feel like this is an no-win situation as I would feel guilty either way I go.

Hence, the confusion and the feeling a little down today.

So...what do I do?

[Suzanne45]

You do have many options to consider. Having said that I would worry the least about changing schools in the 9th grade. Many students move from 9th grade centers to full high schools and leave behind friends. Also, with the job situation as it is, I feel keeping and maintaining a job is most important. I think you could explain the importance of dad's employment for the family. You didn't mention if your daughter is 'against' changing schools. There's always the possibility that she might like the next school even better.

It would be extremely difficult to miss the birth of those grandchildren but it sounds like you could plan regular visits anyway. If I felt my marriage is something worth saving and sticking with and if you and your husband are real partners in this decision, then I would have to stay somewhere in the Vegas area. You didn't really mention how each of you 'like' Vegas. Are there activities that you found to your liking?

Make a list of the pluses and minuses. Then compare. That might help you in making the best decision for you, hubby, daughter and kids back in MI. Good luck!

[kimba01]

Back in MI middle school was 7th-9th. So, coming here she was going into HS earlier than there. We were ok with that because it would be new to all the 9th graders. She has made some good friends. She is kind of shy, but she manages. She didn't even want to eat lunch for the first couple days because she didn't want to sit alone. If I move to the NW here, she will move in Jan. to start the new semester-still in 9th grade. She is absolutely not happy about it. Makes me feel awful.

I didn't want too much of our personal opinions on the area because I thought that would come into play more than the reality of all the options. But, yes, we do both love it here. Love the weather, the area, the mountains...

Probably the minus side is that the house lots are so incredibly crammed together because the smart builders got greedy and crammed tons of homes together-gave them no yards, front or back. You can find some in the older areas, but they are not really the areas I want to buy in.

Thanks for the thoughts!

[ptsum]

Kimba, I read your post however, did you say that you still own a house back in Michigan or not? I don't see where you said one way or the other..

[kimba01]

Yes, my oldest daughter and her BF are staying there now. They are paying a little less than half the mtg.

[ptsum]

Originally Posted by kimba01

Yes, my oldest daughter and her BF are staying there now. They are paying a little less than half the mtg.

Do you plan on keeping the house?

[LaceyEx]

Kimba-I can appreciate your being torn but the only one who can answer this,dearheart, is you. I think deep in you already know (but unsure) and want a yah or nay.

Go with your gut girl and best of luck.

[kimba01]

Originally Posted by ptsum

Do you plan on keeping the house?

Well, due to MI economics-we probably would have a hard time selling it, so yeah we don't have any plans to sell it.

[kimba01]

Originally Posted by LaceyEx

Kimba-I can appreciate your being torn but the only one who can answer this,dearheart, is you. I think deep in you already know (but unsure) and want a yah or nay.

Go with your gut girl and best of luck.

Deep down I know that I am the only one that can make the final decision-yes.

I guess I thought it would just help to hear what others thought. You're right about the gut though. There are many times that I don't go with my gut and regret it. Then, I whack myself upside the head and say, "I knew it, I should have gone with my gut". I need to clean out the corners of the gut and get to the bottom of it! Thanks!!

Worse thing about it is that I don't feel there is a great choice, either way, and I feel that I am the one that loses. I know it will work itself out either way I choose and we will deal with the outcomes, but it is so confusing-I just feel displaced/lost.

[ptsum]

Originally Posted by kimba01

Well, due to MI economics-we probably would have a hard time selling it, so yeah we don't have any plans to sell it.

hmmm, I would think one of the first things you would do would be to look how your financial situation is, if your daughter is paying a good portion of the mortgage on the house maybe there is an opportunity here to rent it to her and her boyfriend to cover the mortgage and that could possibly free up some of your finances so that you can find a better place where you're at, just an idea and it keeps the house and the family and you're helping your daughter out.