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This thread has gotten a bit out of control. It started out with one poor kid feeling down and homesick and looking for a little encouragement from other east coasters who've relocated to LA. But then a couple of people got defensive and got into NY bashing (the comment about New Yorkers being rude and shoving people) and so the east coasters defended NY.
You are right about one thing. This thread has gotten out of control. But you are wrong about everything else. The OP did not ask for a "little encouragement from east coasters" as you state. Directly quoted from his post, here's what he asked for: maybe you cali natives could help me out here and help me feel at home. And what happens, disgruntled New Yorkers in true and typical fashion begain bashing LA and saying how much it "sucks" to be here. So this thread got off course form the very start as a result of the LA bashers not the NY bashers and it has gotten very old, very fast.
You may have a point, TheRealAngelion. But the fact is that many of us have had bad experiences here. Rarely "all" bad experiences, I should think, and yes, much about Southern California is very nice; that's why people want to come here. But to discount bad experiences, and only allow for good ones, would completely defeat the purpose of this forum. As far as I can see, the idea is to give people the whole story, preferably before they decide to move somewhere. I feel it is of vital importance for people perhaps onlooking at certain threads but not posting--and considering moving to LA--to know how it really feels to many of us to try to live in a very different environment from our original one.
Native Californians also "bash" SoCal on here--and even, as we have seen, people who have never lived here at all arrive to put in their two cents, with great authority. But for some reason, when it's an east coaster moving to the west coast, criticisms seem to REALLY push buttons. It's an interesting phenomenon, but it shouldn't get in the way of informing people of what they may or may not encounter coming out here.
There have been enough snotty references (not from you in particular) to people "not doing their homework" before coming out here to back up my assertion that it truly is important for people to know what they're in for--the good and the bad.
As one poster pointed out, she certainly had heard about road rage, traffic and even drive-by shootings. But she assumed that she, being a basically calm person, would NOT be hanging out a window shooting someone for passing on the left. She's not Michael Douglas in Falling Down. Of course she heard about the lunacy of some people on the freeways. You will hear about a lot of lunatics, the country over. You would assume you're not one of them...wouldn't you? How can you know how it would really feel to you to be in a certain situation--every day--until you're actually in it? Be honest. When you hear about a drive-by shooting on the freeway (I personally haven't heard of one in quite a while), do you think, "Oh my! That was probably a well-balanced person, who was taken over by the unstoppable Forces of Southern California Driving and literally snapped with no prior history of any instability at all! So maybe tomorrow that might be me. I guess I better not live here!" OR, do you think, "Whoa. SoCal driving can definitely push someone who is already on the edge to do crazy things." A normal, average person hearing about the horrendous traffic would not assume she would be so affected by something like traffic that she'd literally go mentally insane.
People who have had similar experiences to that of the OP, and people who are just generally homesick, naturally relate to the OP, and are offering help the only way we know how. It is too late for him to think about it in "advance", but it's not too late for other people reading the forum.
There seem to be posts about loving LA too, and general posts for information about a host of different things, from cost of living to transportation to night life; it is not all one-sided. This particular thread is about heartbreak and homesickness and what it is that we east coasters who miss home have in common.
p.s. It has not gotten old for the OP. He is new to all of this. If you're personally feeling that a forum and website entirely dedicated to people thinking of relocating, or have recently relocated, is "old", then it may not be the forum for you at this time.
It is not old for everyone; if it were all old news, everything would be archived and the forum would be closed up, I should think.
Edit: I should add that people who have assimilated to a cross-country move don't seem to be offering much in the way of advice for the OP either. Instead it's snotty "Why didn't you do your homework? I can't stand irresponsible people" and "suck it up"-type answers. For those of you who are transplants and are wishing we east coasters had given more in the way of advice to the OP, I wonder, why haven't you been able to do the same? Please do step up to the plate and offer advice, real advice. You are no more helping the OP than those of us who admit we haven't assimilated ourselves yet, so I'd hesitate before bashing us if I were you.
If you're personally feeling that a forum and website entirely dedicated to people thinking of relocating, or have recently relocated, is "old", then it may not be the forum for you at this time.
Don't try to twist my words and take them out of context. That's not what I said or even came close to suggesting. You clearly have far too much time on your hands to hang in this forum the way you do. I don’t have the will or desire to read and write a response to your long posts. But in summary, this thread has been hijacked by a few crude, overzealous New Yorkers (as have other threads in the LA Forum) who for some reason or another find themselves living, by choice, in a place they loathe and are all too quick and eager to tell you how miserable they are and yet continue to live here. This to most rational minded people defies common sense. After a while the constant whining and complaining gets to be rather old and pathetic. Being homesick is one thing. Being crass and rude and infesting the LA Forum with constant insults about Southern California and the people who live here is not exactly what I would call good natured, neighborly advice to those considering moving here.
All right...warning...this is very, very, VERY long and I considered not posting it at all so I just typed it up as a draft. But I think I owe it to TheRealAngelion to state how I and maybe others (I'm not sure) feel, because I know that I, at least, am coming off as a horrible b*tch; there's no getting around that fact.
And, yes, I have a lot of time on my hands. The air conditioning in this hideous hot box is not working and my kids have napped for going on four hours now, lying directly underneath fans because they're about to die from the heat...and here I sit...waiting and waiting for the sun to go down so that we can get some relief. So here goes:
Okay...let me try to explain a couple of things.
First of all, I type fast. Very fast. 95-105 WMP, at least according to the past several job interviews I've been on which included typing tests. I also think very fast. So it all comes out in a huge rush and gets extremely lengthy at times, but I think this particular post you're referring to took me maybe a little under two minutes. It all just came rushing out...I think I went back then to edit something.
Second of all, I was not trying to twist your words. I do know what you were referring to as getting old--you were referring to what *you see as* LA bashing. But *as old as it is to you, it is not old to other people* who are in transition: who have either moved here fairly recently, are thinking of moving, or are thinking of leaving. You see it as the same stuff over and over but the OP is very new to this.
Anyway...perhaps you're right. Maybe I really don't have much of value to contribute here. What can I say? Maybe all I really can do is write negative things about Cali. I don't know. I try to look for the positives. I contributed to the food thread and the one about the woman whose is going to visit her son. I try and try to be happy about being here but it always comes back to homesickness because you know what? I'm never leaving. And I know this. I have children. I can't move out of state with them and without my husband; and he will not move out from here with me. He is from here. He wants to stay here. And it is really hitting me recently that I am never going home. Never. Sometimes the depression about it gets pretty bad. Sometimes I think about how I'll die here. And I know it deep down and don't want to accept it...I'll live here forever and I'll die here.
And it just hurts...you know? Maybe you don't because you're from Cali and you're still here in Cali and I guess you'll probably die happy one day in Cali knowing you lived your life the way you wanted to...and it makes me sad, so sad that I can't describe it, this terrible homesickness, that I seek out other people who feel as I do, such as the OP in this thread. But the reaction is always, always that we're "bashing" CA...immediate fury. It's funny because I love New Jersey, and I know it has its faults, some very very severe. Like taxes, beyond severe. And auto insurance. Clogged traffic (not as bad as LA, but bad). Yet when people bash and bash and bash...I just NEVER bash back on there because I realize they may not have the same love of the place that I do. Sometimes it's not even for legitimate reasons that they hate the place, yet I still try to see it from their perspective; I mean they just hate it, period; what can ya do? And yet here on the LA board...say a bad thing about SoCal and all the Californians freak out, tell people to put up or shut up, basically...or get the hell out.
I can't understand it so I tend to get snippy and b*tchy...and sarcastic. Because really it makes me want to cry because I realize yet again how cold people are here deep down to one another, how nobody seems to care deep down about the next person, and it kills me. It makes me feel so alone...totally alone. In 40 years of living, only in the last two have I felt alone. It's a horrible feeling...but it's easier to get angry than to cry...and I do hate crying.
This is another very very long post...written, again, very very quickly. I don't think I can really contribute to this forum so maybe I'd better bow out...because I did take your words to heart and realize that all I'm doing here is sounding awful and being awful. And who the hell is that helping? There are other boards I've been on that I like...NJ...and the General U.S. board.
I guess I apologize for coming off so terribly...and I just wanted to explain this very quickly and get it off my chest. It may be true that we who are homesick should just be quiet about it. It's just hard to be quiet about it sometimes. Really hard. I wish people could understand that. But I know this is only a message board so what can ya do.
Oh well...hard to know where to end a seemingly endless diatribe, so...okay, I'm ending it here.
Know what gets on my nerves? People like you. People who are judgmental and make assumptions about people. And people who come on boards like this just to stir up trouble.
For the last time, I don't think anyone here moved out to LA thinking it would be paradise. We all knew it would have its pluses and minuses just like any other big city. In my case, I heard all the horror stories about traffic, so it didn't surprise me when I moved here. I wasn't surprised by it when I arrived, but was surprised by my reaction to it because I thought I could tolerate it.
This thread has gotten a bit out of control. It started out with one poor kid feeling down and homesick and looking for a little encouragement from other east coasters who've relocated to LA. But then a couple of people got defensive and got into NY bashing (the comment about New Yorkers being rude and shoving people) and so the east coasters defended NY. Then you came in out of nowhere and started calling us all ignorant. And that's where things really got out of hand. You're nothing but a troublemaker with nothing interesting to add to the conversation. Perhaps you're just not happy with your own life and feel the need to come here and insult other people because it makes you feel better about yourself.
I'm not making assumptions. I'm calling it as I see it. It is a sign of ignorance to arrive in a place a be surprised about commonly known aspects. Even worse, is to start complaining about them, as though LA should somehow cater to your needs. Please get a life. All I am saying is that if you are so homesick and so fed up with LA, stop complaining and leave. There are already 19 million people in the LA area, so I am sure that a few unhappy people who return home won't be a huge deal. JerZ keep saying "Ohhh, I'm so homesick!" Go home or get over it. "The Spanish-style houses don't feel like home to me!" Umm, they've been here longer than you have. "People back East are so different, more of my speed!" Oh, really?!? Who would've thought! If that's the case, GO HOME. I am sorry that you cannot handle LA, and what it offers, which is what it has always offered. It's nobody's fault but your own for not knowing what you were in store for coming out to the West Coast, so stop whining on here. FYI, I did not call everyone on this thread ignorant, as that is far from the case. Only a couple of people on here who expect LA to meet their selfish needs.
I am speaking the honest truth, so labeling me a "troublemaker" or tell me that "I must not have anything better to do with my time" just shows me that you just don't want to hear the truth. Your situation falls back on you, no one else.
Wow, for such an innocuous thread title, this sure has blown up into a hurricane overnight! I've been remiss in my moderating duties on this thread.
While I understand both points of view, let me get this thread back on topic. If anyone wants to continue to convey sympathy and cyber-hugs to the OP, please do so - even if it includes whining and moaning about things that are normal gripes to the Angelenos who have grown up here. This thread began on that note; it can stay on it.
While I understand other posters' responses of being fed up with "whining", etc., this is counterproductive to what the OP is seeking. There are other, more positive threads about L.A. People who love L.A. and all it has to offer should read those. Negative threads as well as positive ones have a place here. What I don't like is when a positive thread is begun, and then people come in and start bashing it and bring everybody down. Those kinds of posts will be deleted.
Now, any other posts that are not on topic - and that means offering sympathy to someone who obviously feels like an alien on another planet - will be deleted. Thank you.
My Internet Has Been Out For The Past Couple Of Days And Wow, Cant We All Just Get Along!! Things Are Much Different On The West Coast Then The East Coast That Is The Truth. But We Are All People Trying To Do Our Best To Make It In This Place And It Is Hard. So What If We Want To Complain To Each Other About California We Should Be Able To Do It Without Any Grief That Is Kind Of What This Forum Is For Right?
Wow - I'm one of those people contemplating moving back to the East Coast, and when I read through the upstate NY or New England boards, there's none of the vitriol I see here.
I can empathize with both sides -- Los Angeles has lots to offer, but it takes time and money to enjoy them. And though the city is not as anti-intellectual as Woody Allen of the 70s would have you believe, I remember looking at condos when I first came here and wondering why nobody had bookshelves, only gym equipment. I've since found pockets of very interesting and engaging people, but sure, it takes effort. I've also found in the nicer areas (So. Pas namely) that it's very cliquey and hard to break into, even if you're not especially fugly.
I've found that becoming members of public radio and frequenting independent bookstores like Vroman's is one way to join a community. But sure, it's hard if you live across town, or if you have to juggle with kids and daycare, or a nightmare commute.
Like most major cities, the highs and lows of LA are more extreme than those of smaller cities. For every cultural or career opportunity that you won't find elsewhere, you'll also have to contend with smog/pollution, the reality of race politics (the movie Crash notwithstanding), high cost of living, etc. If you'd rather have a better day-to-day existence, then it makes sense to save up for the move to a smaller, more manageable city.
I moved here in 1975, so I've been out here 32 years, and there are times when it suddenly hits me how different New York is and how much I used to love living there. When you grow up in one place it's very hard to transplant yourself and completely accept the incredible differences that there are.
For years I've said that public transportation out here was a public LACK of transportation. Getting around New York was really easy because of the subway and bus system.
The weather difference is really big, too...the weather is much more temperate here, although anyone who lived back East will probably have the same trouble I had getting used to the period of low humidity. Also, there are really only two seasons in the true sense of the word, because of the temperance of the weather and our positioning so much further south than New York. In winter I miss the snow and the cold but I have to tell you that that's a romantic feeling: it's easy to miss it when you don't have to deal with it. And in summer I miss the levels of rain the East gets, since there is virtually no rain here except for the winter, if we're lucky. On the other hand, we don't have mosquitos nearly the way you do in the East.
As far as people, there is a lot of pressure and stress back there, especially in the City where the pace is very fast. And there is no middle class between the Hudson and East rivers. You have to be either very poor or very rich to live in New York. There's also a great deal of racial tension, more so that you would think since New York is supposedly "bleeding-heart liberal". Actually the East is very racist, not only between black and white and white and Spanish, but between Italian and Irish, Jewish and Italian, etc. It's very much more tolerant here, although I won't deny that there is still a lot of tension here. But I think a great deal of it is generated by the rap music industry which is centered here.
In any case, change is hard no matter what. I would not say that southern California sucks because it's different. Alaska is different, more different from either of the two than one would ever believe. But that doesn't mean it sucks. It's different.
It may be that the original poster may not be suited to the changes that are necessary to adapt to the lifestyle here. Or it may be that the frustrations of adapting are too much, or that it may take more time than the OP is willing to give to get used to how it is.
The point is, that no matter how long you've been here, New York never leaves your heart. It's worse for me when I watch movies that are filmed back East (and I lived 10 years in suburbian New Jersey, which is a different world again and totally beautiful in its own right). Of course that's always going to provide a slice of life view which may or may not fit the romantic vision our hearts preserve. But it's always going the call up the memories which we hold and cherish and will ALWAYS make us miss where we came from.
The ideal situation, of course, would be to be able to travel and have the best of both worlds. That's only given to the fortunate few. For the rest of us who are rooted in our jobs and family and the world we've created for ourselves, it becomes necessary to appreciate what's good out here. The many temperate days of 70-degree, cool-breeze weather. The rolling in of the ocean in the hour before and after sunset. The growing commitment to public transport which, although it will never equal New York's, at least is making the effort.
It's hard to get used to. Some never succeed. Some go back, some move on. But I have to be grateful for what I have, and hope that some day I can go back and enjoy again some of those sights and feelings that I've hadin the past. It probably wouldn;t be wise for me to retire to back East, but that's one possibility. New York, after all these years, is still very strong in this heart.
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But for some reason, when it's an east coaster moving to the west coast, criticisms seem to REALLY push buttons. It's an interesting phenomenon, but it shouldn't get in the way of informing people of what they may or may not encounter coming out here.
It never leaves you
