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You just seem like an angry/bitter straight guy who hates women. So, I guess I just assumed.
Not sure how you got "blaming men" from my posts. Or where you got that I or my sister had trouble meeting men. Personally, I'm happily married. My sister is still in her early 20s and is dating (and doesn't live in LA). She's dated some great guys and some not so great guys. You know... like a normal girl in her early 20s.
Where on EARTH did you get that we are only attracting "losers and liars?!"
Just because you date a jerk doesn't mean there's something wrong with you. Sheesh! What a horrible (and troll-like) thing to say! Most people have dated at least one "frog" at one point. Are you saying you haven't? You learn from your mistakes & move on and hopefully don't get too bitter about it.
I made a (pretty fair, based on your rant) assumption that you're a bitter straight guy. But MAN you've made a lot of weird, irrational, and off-based assumptions about me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by redturtle
readymade,
Seems like you're trying to project your own personal problems on me. How do you even know if I would date a 20-something woman? How do you even know I am straight? Or even a man?
Again, if you or your sister have trouble meeting normal, employed men in a city of 10 million, take a look in the mirror. It's not that hard to meet normal, well adjusted guys in a city this size. There are plenty of jerks, but there's plenty of decent guys too. Stop blaming "men" - the problem is staring you in the mirror. If all you and your sister are attracting are losers and liars - then what does that say about you?
Good people tend to attract good people. End of story. That goes for relationships AND friendships. If you feel you're a good person, you WILL attract other good people (guys or gals), if you have a positive attitude and you stop blaming others or projecting your frustration with your relationships on others.
He does have a point. Women do have the habit of judging men based on looks, status, and personal decisions.
Quote:
Originally Posted by readymade
You just seem like an angry/bitter straight guy who hates women. So, I guess I just assumed.
Not sure how you got "blaming men" from my posts. Or where you got that I or my sister had trouble meeting men. Personally, I'm happily married. My sister is still in her early 20s and is dating (and doesn't live in LA). She's dated some great guys and some not so great guys. You know... like a normal girl in her early 20s.
Where on EARTH did you get that we are only attracting "losers and liars?!"
Just because you date a jerk doesn't mean there's something wrong with you. Sheesh! What a horrible (and troll-like) thing to say! Most people have dated at least one "frog" at one point. Are you saying you haven't? You learn from your mistakes & move on and hopefully don't get too bitter about it.
I made a (pretty fair, based on your rant) assumption that you're a bitter straight guy. But MAN you've made a lot of weird, irrational, and off-based assumptions about me.
That is true. Most women want rich men so they can depend on him. And when she divorces, she'll get most of his belongings. The thing with CA women is they can wait past 10 years and then divorce.
Quote:
Originally Posted by readymade
And, in my opinion, guys who say "successful is code for rich," can't get dates, have women dump them, etc... and instead of looking within, they blame the woman.
My sister's ex-boyfriend told her that his previous girlfriend dumped him because he wasn't rich. What a horrible gold-digging woman, right? Turned out, he was a pathological liar (and I mean that literally) who was also controlling and abusive and had rage issues. My sister dumped him, and he went around telling everyone she dumped him because he wasn't rich.
Most of us (women) have dated an unemployed guy who needed to borrow gas money all the time. We might put up with that in our early 20s, but we work on building our self-esteem and realize we're worth more than that.
Maybe you should find a woman in her early 20s who has no self-esteem?
That is true. Most women want rich men so they can depend on him. And when she divorces, she'll get most of his belongings. The thing with CA women is they can wait past 10 years and then divorce.
Oh, West of Encino, you never fail to be hilarious. I was wondering where you were!
What's funny is no one here has tried to clarify what "successful" means to the OP.
"Success" can mean different things to different people.
If all it means is someone who has an office job or a steady business, then they're everywhere in LA.
If you're talking about "success" in terms of money (and that's what women REALLY mean no matter what they try and say -- "successful" is code word for "lots of money"), then you may have to look at men in their 30s or older.
As someone said before, most guys in their 20s are just out of college or grad school, just trying to build their careers, whether they are in film/tv, or investment bankers, accountants, lawyers, etc. And those in medicine are still interns (they won't come into money until their 30s and 40s). Even in high paying careers, you aren't highly paid in your first 10 years starting out.
So if you're stuck on 20-something "successful" (lots of money or at the peak of their careers) men, then you're left with pro athletes, name actors, rock/pop stars, millionaire entrepreneurs (but they're mostly in SF, not LA), or guys from wealthy families.
Now, what percentage of these men are "players" (i.e. they sleep around with lots of women) versus how many are willing to settle down with one girl and stay faithful? Be real here.
If you want an honest answer from most guys and ask them if they were in their 20s and successful, most if not all will take advantage of the options available to them. They have no incentive to stay in a committed relationship. As a 20-something successful male, you may still pretend to settle for a "nice girl" as a girlfriend, but you will play the field behind her back - whether you feel guilty about it or not.
In short, sure, you can find successful men in their 20s in LA. A lot of them are either pro athletes (Lakers, Clippers, Dodgers, Kings, etc), or they're entertainment folks who are around beautiful people all day. All you need to do is hang out in Hollywood, West Hollywood (although here they may not be into gals), Century City, etc. Or if they are very successful entrepreneurs/business professionals, they will have more gold diggers coming after them both locally in LA and when they travel for business on the road - and you'd be naive to think that a young guy in his 20s won't take full advantage of that.
So if you find that 20-something man who has it all and more - just don't expect him to be faithful to you or to take any relationship with you seriously. Why? Because he doesn't have to. He's not pressured to settle down, and in fact he's encouraged to be a player, and he has options like a kid in a candy store.
Now, some of you gals may say "well I don't want to be with someone in his 30s who's thinking of getting married so soon" which is fair and fine. But I've seen more than enough gals get burned (I won't say how!) when they meet some 20-something guy who seems to have it all - and then try and convince themselves that "ah, it's not serious at all..." but still get their hearts ripped out when they find out that the guy has played other options as well (which the guy will simply say "I thought you said you didn't want this to be serious"). You can't have it both ways.
Remember Chris Rock's words of wisdom:
"A man is only as faithful as his options."
And a 20-something successful guy has more than enough options. Don't be fooled into thinking you can make him compromise for you. It won't happen.
If you want a healthy relationship with a 20-something guy, date an average guy. If he's a 20-something man who is above average in looks, brains and charm, he WILL cheat on you because he can get away with it - if you get hurt, there is always someone else to take your place.
That's why if you're looking for the same kinds of things in a man, you may want to look at someone in his 30s - there's a better chance he's more mature, he's gotten the "player mentality" out of his system (because after a while, the game of going from one gal to the next gets lonely).
Harsh, but so true. I think you should make this part of a dating advice book for young women.
And the part about those in the entertainment field: I have mingled with a few of them (although the ones I met were only moderately successful or just starting to make a name for themselves), but let me tell you, no matter how nice they may have been, I had to compete with some big EGOS.
You just seem like an angry/bitter straight guy who hates women. So, I guess I just assumed.
Not sure how you got "blaming men" from my posts. Or where you got that I or my sister had trouble meeting men. Personally, I'm happily married. My sister is still in her early 20s and is dating (and doesn't live in LA). She's dated some great guys and some not so great guys. You know... like a normal girl in her early 20s.
Where on EARTH did you get that we are only attracting "losers and liars?!"
Just because you date a jerk doesn't mean there's something wrong with you. Sheesh! What a horrible (and troll-like) thing to say! Most people have dated at least one "frog" at one point. Are you saying you haven't? You learn from your mistakes & move on and hopefully don't get too bitter about it.
I made a (pretty fair, based on your rant) assumption that you're a bitter straight guy. But MAN you've made a lot of weird, irrational, and off-based assumptions about me.
All I did in my original post is give some advice for young women - it was a bit direct, but take it at face value and it's actually helping them find more healthy and drama free relationships. It was long but not some rant about how unjust it all is or was. Not sure where you got the idea I was angry or bitter? Just because you may not agree with it, doesn't have anything to do with who I am (again you simply have no idea).
You seem to be the one projecting your frustration. Notice how you're constantly making assumptions about who I am and my emotional state in order to invalidate what I said, because it either hits home, or it is simply a core part of your personality to just discredit anyone you don't agree with by making assumptions about them.
Also, the inference you've been making without saying out loud is that if your ex-bf (or your sister's ex-bf) were jerks, anyone you assume is a guy on here must be a jerk as well, simply because you don't agree with what they say. Do you realize that you've been the one revealing your personal situation here? Isn't that projecting your own frustrations and bitterness?
You can't handle the message, so you attack the messenger.
Your comments were sexist and offensive and not true. As a woman, I was insulted. That's all.
Quote:
Originally Posted by redturtle
All I did in my original post is give some advice for young women - it was a bit direct, but take it at face value and it's actually helping them find more healthy and drama free relationships. It was long but not some rant about how unjust it all is or was. Not sure where you got the idea I was angry or bitter? Just because you may not agree with it, doesn't have anything to do with who I am (again you simply have no idea).
You seem to be the one projecting your frustration. Notice how you're constantly making assumptions about who I am and my emotional state in order to invalidate what I said, because it either hits home, or it is simply a core part of your personality to just discredit anyone you don't agree with by making assumptions about them.
Also, the inference you've been making without saying out loud is that if your ex-bf (or your sister's ex-bf) were jerks, anyone you assume is a guy on here must be a jerk as well, simply because you don't agree with what they say. Do you realize that you've been the one revealing your personal situation here? Isn't that projecting your own frustrations and bitterness?
You can't handle the message, so you attack the messenger.
Harsh, but so true. I think you should make this part of a dating advice book for young women.
And the part about those in the entertainment field: I have mingled with a few of them (although the ones I met were only moderately successful or just starting to make a name for themselves), but let me tell you, no matter how nice they may have been, I had to compete with some big EGOS.
I think this cuts both ways - men and women. It's just that the specifics are different.
It's ultimately about power. Unless you are totally happy completely giving up all your power to someone else (and some people, men or women, are happy doing that).
A guy who is very good looking, rich, young and charming almost always has the power in the relationship, unless he is dating someone in his league (Tom Brady / Giselle Bunschen which is actually not common; most athletes and successful young male entrepreneurs date women who have yielded power to the guy - they are just as good looking and young and charming - but they don't have the celebrity that the guy has).
A woman who is gorgeous, young and charming almost always has the power in the relationship with any guy she's with, unless she is dating the guy above (the athlete, celeb, entrepreneur, etc.) or a man with significant power (tycoon, executive). And if she has a very visible career (newscaster, athlete, actor, singer, etc) on top of that - she has the power in just about any relationship.
For a lot of men and women though, a healthy relationship is usually where the power is more evenly spread. It's okay being "average" - if you find a partner who is also "average".
I guess in plain English is that you should date someone in your league if you want to be happy, unless you're willing to give up all your power to someone else.
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