Is it just me or are people in L.A. not very friendly? (San Diego: leasing, hotels)

[oping00]

Originally Posted by latonyc

I was an LA native and moved to NYC 18 months ago for family reasons. During the last years in LA, after losing 3 of my best friends (1 died, 2 moved), I put out a considerable effort to try to meet new people and make new friends, and I experienced exactly what you described. When the subway came in, the riders did not behave at all like people in other cities I've visited... in the subway, in dog parks, at outdoor cafes, in museums, etc., a friendly comment would generally either receive a quick, close-ended reply, or a suspicious expression implying "why are you looking at / talking to me?"

I'm probably over-analyzing this - but I've given it much though, and I feel the "car culture" has inhibited the development of a sense of community because people have less opportunity to develop face to face skills out in public, and it starts at birth. Kids are carted around separately in cars, and the separation and protection by this metal enclosure on wheels and the ability to make a 'quick getaway' after a rude gesture, encourages people to treat each other much more rudely. I feel like that separation and lack of accountability makes people less trustful and more fearful, and I'm feeling that sense of discomfort causes many to sort of manufacture a facade of disinterest.



I experienced this even more so in LA suburbs like the SF Valley, so I moved to the areas you listed (Silverlake, Echo Park, Atwater Village) because people tend to be out on the street more there. There was definitely more of a sense of community, people were friendlier, but friendly exchanges were still cut very short with definite boundaries. I began wondering what I was doing wrong.

In moving to NYC, I'm embarrassed to say I expected the full stereotype: expected NYers to be more aggressive, hard edged, too busy and even less friendly. I've experienced the opposite. People who've never seen each other talk at bus stops, in cafes, in parks, on the street, at public concerts, museums - and they're super friendly and eager to help. In the dog park, they make a special effort to introduce a new face to everyone else, people exchange phone numbers w/o hesitation, suggest getting together after one conversation... I totally DID NOT expect this - I'm an introvert by nature but quickly made 3-4 friends without even trying. I'm in the Upper West Side, which is a more casual, slower-paced neighborhood than most of Manhattan. When living quarters are tiny, people spend more time out in public. I'm seeing that when people grow up w/o that hunk of metal separating them from others every time they go anywhere, and instead engage face to face with other people from the beginning, they develop a skill and confidence that... frankly, as an LA native I still struggle with. I'm not putting LA down and I know really good people there, but after a lifetime living there, what I'm experiencing in NYC definitely feels more friendly and welcoming.

That was my experience also, NY'ers get a bad rep, its just a busy city where millions of people live.
Philly and Boston are colder in terms of people.

[EclecticEars]

The Bay Area, as much as I love a lot of things about it, does not excel in the personality category. I might even live there again if I got a great job offer, as there is so much to enjoy up there, but I won't go again expecting friendly people overall. Well...the men are generally an affable enough bunch, but some Bay Area women transcend feminism to just flat-out wanting to act/behave/be like men, and they're pretty miserable in the process. Seattle is so full of introverts that it makes the Bay Area look like a bastion of friendliness. The average Boston transplant in California is enough for me to not ever want to live in Boston.

San Diego County, where I live now, is not any more or less friendly than the Greater L.A. area in terms of overall, "everyday" friendliness. In fact, SD folks get much more defensive when you criticize SD than L.A. folks do when you criticize L.A. Many SD folks tend to be "ride or die" types (though not to the extent of hardcore Midwesterners and Southerners), whereas L.A. people are the ultimate in don't-give-a-hoot and laissez-faire. At any rate, SD kinda surprised me, and still kinda does. Despite their whole mantra of "Happiness is Calling," per their tourism campaigns, as well as thinking that they're such laid-back and friendly folks, I actually have seen more road rage on a day-to-day basis than I did when I was living in L.A. County and Orange County. Orange County might have its share of flashy snobs, but San Diego apparently has a disproportionate or more noticeable contingent of people who moved here from Boston and brought their attitudes with them.

Greater L.A. people (Ventura to San Clemente to Yucaipa) can be a mix of all of the personalities above, and then many people who themselves were actually born and raised in the L.A. area actually do seem a little "sunnier." The mentality is not as laissez-faire and "brah!" as San Diego, but not as "real," intellectual, and sometimes uptight as the Bay Area. Rather, the mentality is kind of a balance, still laissez-faire for a major metropolis, and I like that. At least comparatively speaking and in my opinion.

It's hard to see this when you spend all your time in places like Pasadena (nice place, but undeniably full of 'tude) and just much of the westside of L.A. in general, but trekking out to places like the valleys (Santa Clarita, San Fernando, San Gabriel), North OC, and Riverside can net different experiences.

[wecaredalot]

I was actually surprised at how nice people in LA have been when I first moved here in March. Granted, it doesn't seem to be that Southerner kind of "nice" where they might actually want to get to know you. It's more of a chill, devil-may-care niceness where they might as well be nice because why not? I also feel like I had super low expectations of LA when I moved here. I was sure I was going to run into a bunch of uptight, stuckup people who would sneer at me on the street. So it didn't take much to challenge my expectations And besides, all those people flock to West Hollywood on Thursday, Friday, and Saturday nights

[K 22]

Originally Posted by oping00

That was my experience also, NY'ers get a bad rep, its just a busy city where millions of people live.

Much like the rep that LA has of being "fake" - which is complete BS.

It's funny b/c a buddy of mine used to say that when a dude from NY says "FU", he really means "hello." and when a dude from "LA" says "hello", he really means "FU."

[John_marts]

Ny'ers are nice people once they get out of their car.

[henderson702]

Originally Posted by Clevelander216

Today I went on a bike ride all through L.A. and did some exploring. I ride through downtown, chinatown, angelino heights, filipino town, koreatown, echo park, silver lake, westlake, pico union, and I believe it's called south park?

Well anyway... everytime I would ride past somebody, I would greet them with a head nod and a friendly "hey how's it going?" and to my surprise almost 75% of the people totally ignored me and acted like I wasn't even there! And also, when riding and there are people on the sidewalk that I need to get by, I would politely excuse myself and ask to get by and most people would totally ignore me. They would clearly see and hear me and look right at me, but wouldn't move or acknowledge me! LIKE REALLY??! Why so bitter?!

I just don't get it. Is that pretty much just a big city thing in general or is Los Angeles less friendly than most cities?

East LA, near San Gabriel Valley is the most friendly part of town.

You were in a so-so area, with lots of people having their heads up their ass. Also, the closer you are to Hollywood, the bigger the ego factor and the more self-absorbed people you get.

[ajams22]

Originally Posted by oping00

That was my experience also, NY'ers get a bad rep, its just a busy city where millions of people live.
Philly and Boston are colder in terms of people.

I was just as surprised my first visit to NYC. Expected a lot of brash rudeness and an "I don't have time for out-of-towners" attitude (especially coming from a small city), but got completely the opposite.

A guy in business attire (which makes me assume he was in a hurry to work) missed two trains to Lower Manhattan (I was staying in Midtown) to explain to me how the metro cards and subways worked. And a woman (also in business attire) outside Grand Central took the time to draw out on a slip of paper how to get to New York Public Library.

I was blown away at how nice and helpful people were, which only helped destroy the stereotype of the rude New Yorker.

[oping00]

Originally Posted by ajams22

I was just as surprised my first visit to NYC. Expected a lot of brash rudeness and an "I don't have time for out-of-towners" attitude (especially coming from a small city), but got completely the opposite.

A guy in business attire (which makes me assume he was in a hurry to work) missed two trains to Lower Manhattan (I was staying in Midtown) to explain to me how the metro cards and subways worked. And a woman (also in business attire) outside Grand Central took the time to draw out on a slip of paper how to get to New York Public Library.

I was blown away at how nice and helpful people were, which only helped destroy the stereotype of the rude New Yorker.

Yeah its just a very busy and expensive city so everyone is hustling and in a hurry and its often misinterpreted, but overall my exp was pretty good considering how many people live there.

Whats cool is even the rich people in park avenue sometimes take public transit and eat at cafes nearby where regular folk hang out.

[bobsnow]

Never had a problem w/ any unfriendliness out here. Everybody just kinda keeps to themselves & does their own thing, which is 1 of the MANY things I love about LA.

[PDF]

Originally Posted by ajams22

I was just as surprised my first visit to NYC. Expected a lot of brash rudeness and an "I don't have time for out-of-towners" attitude (especially coming from a small city), but got completely the opposite.

A guy in business attire (which makes me assume he was in a hurry to work) missed two trains to Lower Manhattan (I was staying in Midtown) to explain to me how the metro cards and subways worked. And a woman (also in business attire) outside Grand Central took the time to draw out on a slip of paper how to get to New York Public Library.

I was blown away at how nice and helpful people were, which only helped destroy the stereotype of the rude New Yorker.

I have had the same experience. People just really like to exaggerate about NYers.