East Coast to West Coast--how long before you assimilated? (Glendale: apartment, home)

[CousinPete]

Originally Posted by JerZ

Hey all. I haven't posted on this particular board in forever!

I initially found CD because I was so homesick. I am from New Jersey. For the past two years I've lived in Southern California. It seemed like a great idea at the time--my husband is from here, my family was getting kind of scattered--but I never counted on this degree of homesickness.

Today is a bad day that way. Very bad. I am so homesick, I'm just about in tears. It's ridiculous for a grown person to be this wimpy but there you have it.

I remember a long time ago, someone told me it takes about two years to assimilate and feel like SoCal is "home". It's now been two years and three months for me and I thought I was doing pretty well with this--definitely making a concerted effort--but all of a sudden it's back. I miss the seasons so badly. And the people are just really different. I just don't fit in...I really don't.

I should be grateful. I live in a lovely town (near San Dimas) and there's a good school system. I know it's pretty, I know this. I can look around and see it. It's pretty but it's not home. Period. Will this ever pass? Anyone else been through this? Experiences?

wahhh wahhhhhh wahhh i like the east. lol just beg your husband to move back to the east.

[UB50]

It took me years to really feel comfortable in LA.

I moved here from small town Florida and originally ran with a really fast rich crowd. I met others like me too -- small town Kansas girls and boys that came from places like Eau Claire Wisconsin. We were all rather naive. And the money in this town can be rather mind-boggling at times. I mean, name another city where students drive Rolls Royces to school. ????

My best friend when I moved out here was well known in certain NYC circles (we knew each other from Florida) and together we explored a lot of "gritty" LA things.

Anyway, it took a lot of years before I finally said "Hey! I REALLY LIKE it here!" Prior to that I always complained about what LA lacked and never really took into account all the things it had in abundance.

So, in answer to your question, it took years -- more than 10 years.

[JerZ]

Originally Posted by UB50

It took me years to really feel comfortable in LA.

I moved here from small town Florida and originally ran with a really fast rich crowd. I met others like me too -- small town Kansas girls and boys that came from places like Eau Claire Wisconsin. We were all rather naive. And the money in this town can be rather mind-boggling at times. I mean, name another city where students drive Rolls Royces to school. ????

My best friend when I moved out here was well known in certain NYC circles (we knew each other from Florida) and together we explored a lot of "gritty" LA things.

Anyway, it took a lot of years before I finally said "Hey! I REALLY LIKE it here!" Prior to that I always complained about what LA lacked and never really took into account all the things it had in abundance.

So, in answer to your question, it took years -- more than 10 years.

Thanks, ((UB50)). That helps tremendously.

To update (especially for some of the newbies here posting out of the blue with the typical "waa" stuff ): I originally started this thread in June. At that time, I didn't think I was going to be able to go back to the east coast this year at all. But my husband got a raise this summer and he told me, "Buy a ticket!" It's funny that this thread got bumped up now...only a couple of days before I actually am flying back east. We have tons of stuff planned. My brother is coming out, I'll be staying with my sister, and will be with my oldest son (and the baby, who is flying out with me); I'll be meeting my oldest son's girlfriend's parents; meeting with my cousins...doing autumn-type things, like pumpkin picking, and I can't wait.

I actually am starting to feel somewhat like this is home. Not my original home, but I'm starting to identify with it a little. I don't see myself in LA permanently...but then again, neither does my husband, and he was born here and lived here for 31 years. We both just want something a little different in the future. He wants the west; I want seasons. We're playing around with the idea of Washington or Oregon, for the far future. We'll see what happens.

I will always be *from* the east coast, though. If I could 100% have my way, I'm sure that's where we'd be. But I'm not the only person to consider in this...this is home to my husband, the west, and it's as unfair of me to want him completely away from it as it is for me to be expected to stay completely away from what I'm familiar with. And my two younger sons are growing up here and are imprinting on and identifying with this place and this culture. So we'll probably eventually compromise. I still miss the east badly, but since June, it's become less harsh.

I don't actually think I'll every feel L.A. is "home". That's not whimpering...ahhhhhhh, don'tcha' just love it when newbies burst on the scene, knowing nothing about one's history or one's former post and start spouting off....LOL. That's okay...it takes all kinds...

[Calibound-Yorkiemom]

Congrats on hubby's raise. What a sweetie to take you on a trip back East! I am happy to annouce to you that this weekend on the East coast is supposed to be Fall weather for the first time this season. Here on the East Coast we have has a prolonged summer which I loved BTW. We even broke some weather records here this week. However it rained last night and that is no colloing everything off. We are *supposed* to have fall temps this weekend & next week. Good for you though being that you miss the seasons of the east coast. How long are you staying? Pumpkin picking sounds nice. Back when I used to teach I used to take my class pumpkin picking. I lnow longer teach but Its something I'd love to do again especially once we have kids of our own.

[TrojanDLA]

The secret to happiness is not trying to relive or recreate past memories of happiness, but rather create new experiences. One of the key reasons most people are unhappy is that they try to hold on as long as possible memories of past happiness - this unfortunately means they are involuntarily avoiding "new" experiences.

I've traveled much since I was 12, living in different states and different countries during the last 25 years. And I've never felt homesick, because every place I've visited I've made it "home". It's a different mindset to have, but once you've mastered the perception that "home is in the heart", then it's quite easy. Sure, I loved the change of fall's colors in the east coast while I was in New York, but now that I'm in SoCal, I so love the ocean breezes when I drive to work with my window down in the morning.

[matt345]

Hey JerZ,

That's great that you'll be visiting the East Coast soon! I hope you have a wonderful time with your friends and family. I plan on moving to LA early next year, mainly because I'm looking for a change and I absolutely love LA. However, I feel that I can relate to a lot of your posts even though I haven't moved there yet. I know I'm going to be homesick, not necessarily for fall leaves or snow, but for the people I've seen those leaves and snow with every year. However, at the same time, I know it's time for a change and I've wanted to live in LA for a long time now. Everytime I visit, I never want to leave.

Anyway, have a great time on your visit!

[JerZ]

Originally Posted by Calibound-Yorkiemom

Congrats on hubby's raise. What a sweetie to take you on a trip back East! I am happy to annouce to you that this weekend on the East coast is supposed to be Fall weather for the first time this season. Here on the East Coast we have has a prolonged summer which I loved BTW. We even broke some weather records here this week. However it rained last night and that is no colloing everything off. We are *supposed* to have fall temps this weekend & next week. Good for you though being that you miss the seasons of the east coast. How long are you staying? Pumpkin picking sounds nice. Back when I used to teach I used to take my class pumpkin picking. I lnow longer teach but Its something I'd love to do again especially once we have kids of our own.

Oooh! So whereabouts are you? My sister told me the same thing. She said it had been in the 80s for a good while but that just in time for my visit, it should be cooler--50s or 60s. Perfect!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We're staying for five days. Yep, having a child go along is really what makes an activity like pumpkin picking! It sounds cliche, but there's nothing like watching a child's face when he sees decorations, feels the excitement...eats a freshly-baked donut...it's so awesome.

[JerZ]

Originally Posted by TrojanDLA

The secret to happiness is not trying to relive or recreate past memories of happiness, but rather create new experiences. One of the key reasons most people are unhappy is that they try to hold on as long as possible memories of past happiness - this unfortunately means they are involuntarily avoiding "new" experiences.

I've traveled much since I was 12, living in different states and different countries during the last 25 years. And I've never felt homesick, because every place I've visited I've made it "home". It's a different mindset to have, but once you've mastered the perception that "home is in the heart", then it's quite easy. Sure, I loved the change of fall's colors in the east coast while I was in New York, but now that I'm in SoCal, I so love the ocean breezes when I drive to work with my window down in the morning.

Trojan, I agree with your sentiment...but might I theorize that part of what made you feel so positive about all the places you've lived was that you knew you were mobile enough to move again if you needed/wanted to?

I truly think that capability can take some of the sting out of relocating. It makes it more of an adventure.

In my case, I'd have to convince my husband, would have to uproot the children, etc. and it would be more of a chore than an adventure. It was a chore just to get here and we were looking forward to it (especially my husband). I definitely feel that if I knew I could go back if I wanted to (and if I did in fact move around a lot, like you have)...it would feel quite different.

Other than that, though, yes, home is what you make of it and it comes with you.

I agree that *part* of what makes for happiness is having new experiences. Another part, however, for me at least, is history and tradition.

Hi to Matt...good luck with your move!!!!!!!!!! I hope it's a grand adventure for you. I do know people who have moved here and love it and never plan on moving back, so I'm definitely not "the norm" in this regard. It might be the best thing in the world for you. Good luck to you.

[Calibound-Yorkiemom]

Originally Posted by JerZ

there's nothing like watching a child's face when he sees decorations, feels the excitement...eats a freshly-baked donut...it's so awesome.

It sure is! I love it Children are so precious! How old? I live in Center City. What part of Jersey?

[CHATTY CATHY]

Originally Posted by TrojanDLA

The secret to happiness is not trying to relive or recreate past memories of happiness, but rather create new experiences. One of the key reasons most people are unhappy is that they try to hold on as long as possible memories of past happiness - this unfortunately means they are involuntarily avoiding "new" experiences.

I've traveled much since I was 12, living in different states and different countries during the last 25 years. And I've never felt homesick, because every place I've visited I've made it "home". It's a different mindset to have, but once you've mastered the perception that "home is in the heart", then it's quite easy. Sure, I loved the change of fall's colors in the east coast while I was in New York, but now that I'm in SoCal, I so love the ocean breezes when I drive to work with my window down in the morning.

very nice post trojanDLA. Makes me start humming " Peaceful Easy Feeling "
by the Eagles